| I married a compulsive liar |
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I am not sure what solution I am looking for, but I feel like my husband is purposely trying to make me go "crazy." See, since the first day of our marriage three years ago, everything has gone down hill for us. He dramatically changed and did things to me, hurtful things, which almost ended in divorce. Because we had a son at the time, we decided to work things out, and it seemed lately that we were finally able to see a possible future together especially since we had child number two, to try to save our marriage (not a good idea, but still grateful for the child).
If you are involved with a compulsive liar, these types of questions can preoccupy ALL of your time. Eventually, people who get involved with a compulsive liar often start to question their own identity: Who am I?
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written by bri , 24 September, 2006
I am so sorry about what happened to you. That is unfair to you, your family, and the millions of other people who are affected by compulsive liars. I wish you the best as you work through this.
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I can totally relate to these stories
written by Lina , 06 October, 2006
My husband tells me I'm the reason he lies... He says I question him too much. He will lie about the dumbest things. It's to the point now that it's becoming an obsession for me to always feel he's lying, and that I have to check his stories all the time. The sad thing is we've been married for 20 years. He lied from the start, so now I feel like the idiot. I think I'm losing my mind.
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Why do we do this?
written by D. , 06 October, 2006
Lina and everyone,
Votes: +11
I can't believe I'm reading my story in your words! I have just experienced ANOTHER episode with my compulsive lying husband. Like Lina, I have been married for nearly 20 years and he also lied from the start. When we married, I knew about one ex-wife and one daughter. After a year of marriage, he confessed about another previous wife and two other children. Why didn't I leave then? I had to ask a series of questions just to be able to discern what was truth and what was a lie. So... I discovered he DIDN'T play drums in a band that traveled around the South... nor did he fill in as a drummer for Jackson Brown once in his life. I felt like a fool because I had repeated the stories to so many people. Now, I am whirling from the second "discovered" infidelity in our marriage. What is wrong with me? How can I so quickly forgive him and work so hard to get back to "normal?" What is my normal. Yes, I must be sick too! I did finally speak to a lawyer yesterday and I am going to just make myself follow through on a divorce. My husband is not willing to put in the hard work that it would take to manage his compulsive lying and all its consequences. I'm going to have to toughen up and manage my own pain. Most people know me as an intelligent, creative and caring woman, but with my husband I'm STUPID. It has got to stop! I can't MAKE him change and he is not willing to change. It's over (and in the background she is sobbing, hurting, weak). report abuse
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Thank God I'm not alone
written by LeAnn Woodall , 20 October, 2006
It breaks my heart to hear these women talk about the pain their lying husbands have chosen to cause them. However, I am comforted to know that I am not alone. I, too am married to a compulsive liar. He lies every day, all day. From big things about his past like being a world champion in his style of martial arts, to what he ate for lunch. The man literally lies about everything. I dare not brag any longer to friends or family about his accomplishments because I've suffered the mortification when the truth comes out. If I question him about his lying, even when I have proof (receipts, phone bills, paycheck stubs, etc) he insists that he's telling the truth and that having to deal with my insecurities and general 'craziness' is causing us to drift apart. Everyone I've ever known has complimented me on my down to earth nature, my quick wit, and my intelligence...look at me now. I'm married to a lying, cheating, sociopath. We've only been married for a year and a half. I left him almost 2 months ago but I started seeing him again almost immediately. What's wrong with me?!!!! I used to look down my nose and be so judgmental when I would hear stories about women who stayed with men who beat them. Not any more. I just keep hoping that if I could just look good enough, or act in just the right way that he would be an honest, faithful husband. God, am I pathetic or what?
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married to a compulsive liar-all about money or ma
written by Nic , 21 October, 2006  Hi, thank god I am not alone, I have never felt so foolish or stupid in all my life. My husband had confessed to having credit cards scattered all over the place in the past but I supported him and help him consolidate these with the provision it would never happen again and that he would be honest with me from now on. Twelve months later, (a few days ago) I received letters from two different banks that we don't deal with addressed to him, these were the same banks that had contacted me during the day looking for him over the past few months. I couldn't help but open them, there it was in black and white 10,000.00 owed five to each, I completely freaked, how could he do this after all the stress he created for me last time? I then asked him about the other bank that kept calling him while he was at work, he denied that we owed them anything and even showed me a letter (without company letterhead) that we had received apologizing to me for upsetting me it was only after me asking him over and over again that he admitted to writing it and passing it off as a letter from the bank I am disgusted, hurt, heart broken and have even asked him if he has had affairs he said no, how am I to believe him? We have an ill child that requires constant medical attention and he hasn't even thought of her I don't know whether to leave or to help him again and again but all I know is my trust in him is completely broken and I cant even wear my wedding ring or sleep in the same bed as him we have been married for five years yet I don't even know him the only thing keeping me gong is our daughter because without me she would have no one but sometimes I just want to give up, leave and start again on my own never to trust or love someone again. report abuse
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I have just realized that lying is a two way stree
written by John001 , 15 December, 2006
I have read all the comments and realize it is mostly women talking about their husbands. I think that men don't necessarily talk about these issues but I am not typical in that regard... much to the chagrin of my wife. I share the feelings of "am I going crazy" or "how can I trust her" or "is this how it is always going to be." First my wife is fantastic in so many ways it would be hard to fit it in this little note. However, she lies when she does not want to be responsible for her actions. Credit cards, going out for work (actually friends), telling me that she feels one way when she feels another. Then the house of cards finally comes tumbling down and I get angry.
Votes: -4
I realize that I own a good portion of this. I recently realized I was being passive aggressive towards her. I would make her feel guilty (unknowingly) about being home late, not getting her credit card sorted out, not making enough time for me (selfishly) and our child. My actions spur her actions. I wonder if the rest of the group has thought about this in regards to their own situations. I hope this is helpful. report abuse
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When Does It End.
written by VanessaK , 26 December, 2006
I always suspected that my husband made up stories to impress me. He reinvented a caring and stable family out of his horribly dysfunctional ensemble, created the mirage of a dynasty, to fortunes of which he was an heir, he even decided to tell me about his "playboy reputation" on our first date, "because," as he so solicitously expressed, "did not want me not find out from any other source and be hurt by it." After the first pile of lies went up in flames, I assured him that he never had to lie to me again because I did not need his money or his family, nor did I care about his romantic past. A year, (and thousands of lies) later we were married and he promised me again on our wedding day that he finally got his dream and he would never again feel the need to lie. It has been six short months and I am filing for divorce. It took him only six months to completely squander my life savings and put me in several thousand dollars of debt. In addition, I have lost the respect of my siblings and my widowed father who have all tried to bail us out after he has yet another "failed investment." I was always proud to be the only one among my friends with no extraneous debt (credit cards, etc). I had the reputation of being a person that budgeted well and saved money. Now, I owe so many people that I cannot bring myself to answer the phone when they call. I believed my husband and more importantly, I believed in him. He told me about childhood abuse of all kinds, sexual, verbal, emotional and physical. I love him, but, I LOVE ME TOO. I tried to help heal the wounds, but I realize that I don't have the ability. Only he can heal them when he is ready. We are both still young and I pray for his awakening and his safe journey through life. I feel that this is the best help that I can ever offer. I pray also that all of you that have been brave enough to share and those that are still struggling will also find the strength to cope and the direction to take.
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Thank God I am not alone
written by anonymous , 02 January, 2007
I can't tell you how wonderful it is to know that I am not alone. I feel cheated from my youth and a happy life due to the intricate fabric of lies that my husband has woven. I, too, fell for a man that was reported to be one thing to find later to be another. We hang on, because we love the person that is there with us.
Votes: +5
We were not given a fair shake. We were not given the opportunity to choose our partner. We thought that we were getting the man of our dreams to find later (and sometimes much later) that we were robbed and deceived. We must gather the strength to find it within ourselves to move on and trust again. I do not know if I can do it. My experience is only just now coming to a head, but I am sure that I will not live with this any longer. Have strength compatriots. We can move forward and find the happiness that we so deserve. report abuse
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Hopeless or Not
written by LeeRoy , 14 January, 2007
Yes it goes both ways. In fact every cheating relationship I know of, the woman is doing the lying and cheating. My wife has been cheating on me at least 7 of the 14 years we've been together. I keep hoping someday it will change. She keeps telling me she will stop (when she is caught)and she wants to be with me. Or is it just another lie she is telling everyone. I keep catching her time and time again with the lies and the deciet. Now her boyfriend of 6 years has moved 5 blocks away and has left his wife again. She does not drive so this makes it easier for them to get together when I'm at work. She has already had 1 miscarriage with this guy. (I am fixed) She tells me its just a friend and has told me many times she has ended it. But she does not know that I know she hasn't. To make matters worse she is in treatment for drug abuse and is a pathological liar. Last week she told her consulor I had a death in the family and we had to travel out of state to a funeral. The week before she had to get her medications early because she left it at a friends out of town. The truth was she has been overdosing every week and doesn't have her daily dose. Every day it is another lie. Along with the massive daily amounts of over the counter drugs, This could kill her. She makes up stories about how bad I am and tells everyone we know. She has her parents and her friends all believing that I am the problem. She is very convincing and a very good at lying. She lies about everything. I don't believe she even knows the truth anymore. I have tried to confront her but I am always meet with very defensive denial. I have no friends or no one to turn to. I have no where to go nor do I want to leave my step children or our home. She is not willing to leave or get help so we are at a stand off. I keep hoping and praying she will get better and go back to the woman I fell in love with. I would not abandon her or leave if she had cancer or some other illness. I don't want to abandon her with this disease. But I an increasingly feeling like things will never change. We have no money and she cannot work so I feel responsible for her. How can I get out of this life and back to what I thought we had? I love her very much.
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been there, done that
written by Teresa A. Denny , 14 January, 2007
I lived for 6 years with a compulsive liar, had 3 children with him. My advice--just drop him now. I mean RIGHT NOW. Compulsive liars are just not worth the trouble it takes to deal with them. I have not seen the guy in about 20 years now, and it took nearly that long to dismantle the b.s. filters I had to install in my head just to live with him. Seriously, you start to automatically disbelieve everything you hear, from absolutely everybody, even people you have no reason to distrust. Compulsive liars--who needs 'em??
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I am so lost
written by Lala G. , 15 January, 2007
I am married to one of the world's most wonderful men. I have been with him 12 yrs and in May it will be 10yrs of marriage. This man has given me the world, trimmed with gold and full of life. I have done nothing but hurt him. I want to stop so bad! I don't understand why I just can't stop! I have lost his trust, put my family in financial dept, and have pushed him so far to the edge that now I am in danger of loosing him and putting my kids through a divorce where they won't get to see their father as much. I cry EVERY SINGLE DAY. In the shower so the kids don't see me, in the car when they aren't there, and in bed when he is at work. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to hurt him anymore. He doesn't deserve any of this. I sometimes think that if I were gone, he and the kids could have a better life. Maybe even find someone who will deserve him. I not only love him, I am "in love" with him. I can't imagine my life without him. So as I type this crying like a baby, WHY? WHY? WHY? I want to stop so bad. If i could take away all the pain I have caused him, I would gladly give up my life. I am so sorry. Why can't I stop? Isn't this the bottom? I can't go any lower. If there is anyone out there that reads this and can help, please! Not for my sake, but for the sake of my children and my dear dear husband.
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this is a nightmare!
written by j. , 21 January, 2007
My life is such a joke and it feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from. 13 years ago I got out of one abusive marriage with a liar and a cheat to yet marry another "lieing sack of crap." Out of the frying pan into the the fire I guess. Both of the fools I have married have terrible mothers... My current monster-in-law cut off association with my spouse when we got married due to the fact she did not think I was good enough to marry! Fact of the matter is... she wanted to shift this lying, dis-trustworthy, thieving bum off on someone. My spouse lies about small things, large things... he steals from our own home... and believe it or not... no drugs are involved. He is a timid mouse who is always afraid of being yelled at... loves to be controlled but yet there is a sinister, under-currant of sneaky manipulation going on here... almost like he feels so powerless with me that he secretly wants to have the upper-hand of a deception... sort of a one-up on me... or maybe he holds me responsible for that fat... stupid mother of his turning her back on him?! Who knows... but what I do know is that I am "bitter and angry" and betrayed and scared and although I can read a hundred stories of people going through the same thing... I still feel like I am all alone! My sanity is being drained each day... and I fear what will eventually happen here!
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How do I get out of this?
written by lass , 26 January, 2007
It's a relief to see I'm not alone. I have been married for 26 years - 2 sons (one from a previous relationship) and now one beautiful granddaughter. I found out about his lying one week after we got married and it has continued ever since at varying intervals. I won't go into the times I have begged him to be honest and face up to things. It is nearly always about money and jobs.
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He complains about everyone else always being wrong (never him) nothing is ever his fault. 3 years ago we went to counseling and stopped because as soon as we started to get somewhere he wouldn't go anymore. Now I have started to see the same counselor on my own. She believes that he needs drug therapy to calm him down and counseling to sort him out. After another major bout of lying and him being phoned daily by about 2 banks and three or four debt agencies I realized that he will never change and that I might lose my belongings (which I have paid for) if the goods are repossessed. I told him I wanted a divorce. That was five months ago. Two weeks later he had a massive heart attack (at the age of 55) and he hasn't been well ever since. He has no family to go to - none of them will talk to him and no friends. I can't throw him out because he will be on the street with no money and no job. I feel completely trapped and now my counselor is trying to help me see sense and regain my life. report abuse
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Bed of lies?
written by EmmaJ , 30 January, 2007
I met my husband 14yrs ago. We were a really good match, I was only 17yrs old and he was 19. We dated, had lots of fun and moved in together 10 yrs ago. Lived happily ever after eh!
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Well, 1 week ago I was blown out of the water, the last 2 yrs or so were a sham (probably more, he won't quantify) and had numerous affairs with work colleagues. He has now moved in with the latest woman, I'm still reeling from the shock that the guy who adore me a few years ago could do this to me. He is a compulsive liar given the stories/lies he used to cover his tracks and financial transactions (hotels, restaurants, drinks, etc). He involved friends/colleagues unknowingly in his deceit. Its not good to find out that he used your joint account at 3am to bail out his mistress from the bailiffs, 6 months after the event believing it to be an expense for a management course! Well I'm going to re-build my life and find someone I deserve, as I'm a thoroughly decent person and he can live in his swamp of lies. He's lost the best thing that ever happened to him. report abuse
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Good Advise!
written by Sorrowful , 04 February, 2007
I was in the same situation as you and upon discovery of the condition found out that in addition to being a pathological sociopath she was being directed by yet another sociopath in the background, her mother. They worked as a team of very sick people as if one wasn't enough. The mother a sociopath was not very strong, but her daughter, my wife was very strong but not very smart and together they were a sociopath that defies description. She is a pathological liar and has the commitment of a rodent, cannot get past her own feelings and need for attention that she draws from her mom under the facade of unconditional love. There is one for you. Saddest part of all, I could have helped keep it together and helped her, but I did not find out until I had been tortured for almost three years until I severed all contact from my wife and saw the aftermath. There is not enough room here to tell you of the disaster of life left for me in its wake so I will give you the lesson of experience, "Get out now and protect yourself, go where you have to and do everything in your power to get out from the influence. I am an ex Marine, para-military training and good old school philosophy training and I almost died. Death is serious, go now and do not think you can make a difference because truth is you cannot. Your life will be exactly what it is now and worse now that you know. Do not torture yourself and leave yourself open to the evil in this kind of person because life is better than that. God bless and I wish you well. With love and understanding.
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Living with a compulsive liar is not easy
written by Becky Rock , 08 February, 2007
I experience your pain everyday. It's heart breaking I know. I am with a man I love very much, and he is also a compulsive liar. I guess for me I have to weigh the good in him and overlook the bad because deep down he is truly a great guy. They say you learn from example, well in my case it is true, his mother is a compulsive liar, when that is instilled in the brain from day one it becomes habit, a way of life, its really sad but it happens to a lot of people.. and because I understand that this has been a way of life for him growing up, because I love him dearly I have come to the realization this is a way of life for him, he is not going to change I chose to except him this way. For some people they might see things different and leave, its all what your willing to except.
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What do I do?
written by Val , 16 February, 2007
I have only been married for 6 months and already think about leaving on a regular basis. I discovered that my husband was lying to me a couple of weeks after being married. I don't know how I didn't see it sooner. I have only just now come to the realization that he is a compulsive liar and this may never change. I have no one to talk to about this because I don't want to hurt or embarrass him. But I feel foolish and stupid to allow myself to keep being lied to. He continually spends all our money and lies to me about not having done so or having returned what he bought or deposited money, but it never shows up. He has lied to me so many times and fabricated documents, that I don't know if I can ever trust him. SO I guess I am wondering if anyone has any advice for me. What do I do? Should I leave him or give him a chance to redeem himself? How do I get past this and work through my doubt because I can't keep living the way I am.
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Will my children turn out like him?
written by Louisa , 22 February, 2007
I have been married for almost 10 years to a man who is a compulsive liar. He is a good man when it comes to so many things, but he lies in response to any suspected conflicts as second nature. Because of that we can rarely deal with real issues genuinely, and the biggest issue keeping up from having a meaningful relationship is his compulsive lying. It is very lonely being married to him. We can never be close because his lying constantly breaks my trust. How can you be close, even have a friendship, when the foundation is not based in truth? How can he care about me if he won't be committed to being real with me? It has been so heartbreaking to realize because growing up I always hoped I'd have a good marriage and family one day - my parents separated when I was 3, and neither of my parents were close to me because of that. I just want to have a genuine relationship. I'm sad too because I know that children learn by example. I feel like I've lost out on having a real relationship with a spouse - it would break my heart if my children learned his behavior as well. It would hurt their lives and their future families. And it would rob me and them from being close to each other, if they choose/learn this pattern of behavior. I don't think divorce is the answer, but I don't know what is. I want my husband to go to counseling. Last week he intimidated my 7 year old daughter into lying for him for the first time. I knew it and took her into another room where she hesitantly told me the truth - she didn't want him to be upset with her. He has tried in the past to get me to agree to his reality, and now for the sake of my sanity I refuse to do this. But to start doing this with our oldest child? Something has got to change.
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How it affects Children???
written by MichelleB , 28 February, 2007
Louisa, I'm very concerned for my own son as well as I cannot bear the thought that he will grow up thinking that lying is OK/Normal - it's NOT. Like most of the stories above, my husband is a compulsive liar - he has lied about his past conquests, he has lied throughout our marriage from big to minor issues. To top it all he constantly tries to turn it round onto me claiming that i 'Scare' him and he has to lie as he is scared how I will react!!! I have realized today that it is not ME that scares him but TRUTH thats scares him (whether that be telling the truth or hearing the truth). Lying and deception go hand in hand, I cannot live with this anymore as I am constantly worried on a day to day basis of what i will find out next. I stayed with him because yes, I love him and yes he is a good man - his heart is in the right place - I can say this as I truly believe his compulsive lying is a 'condition' and needs treatment like any other ailment. However, unfortunately I am not the one who can help him anymore. It hurts when I am being blamed for breaking up the family, he really cannot see that his condition is the root of the problem. I am biting the bullet and today I have requested divorce papers. Six years is long enough and even with counseling I cannot see how he will ever change. I hope he does and it hurts like hell to think that someone else may benefit from all my hard work but I just cannot let myself be put through the daily anguish and mental cruelty that he bestows (unwittingly) on me.
Votes: +1
Point to note on compulsive liars in my opinion - they have no close friends! I can see why now because over the years their friends have found them out and cut contact. I used to think it was lovely to have my man at home all the time but I was wrong! They find other ways to deceive and cheat on you. They pull you into a false sense of security, then blame you when you find out they have been lying, then deny everything when you provide rock solid evidence, then they charm you with words of false promises (because you love them you WANT to believe so give it another chance) then they do it all over again. Like another reader above said and she hit the nail on the head for me - it's like he feels inadequate with me and wants to put one over me without me even knowing. I'm beginning to think he is getting a quick out of me discovering things just to get some sort of control???? report abuse
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Ending it
written by SharV , 14 March, 2007
I am just ending a 6 year marriage with a man who has lied to me from the start. All the same sort lies most of you have heard. My husband had told me time and time again that he had never been married. Purely by accident, I have found out that he had been married at least twice... possibly more.
Votes: +2
This was the straw... the reason I would put up with the lies in the past was because he treated me so well. He was kind and thoughtful in every other aspect of our relationship. But the lies had begun to eat at me. I got so I couldn't even carry on a conversation with him, because I didn't know truth from fiction. I consider myself an intelligent woman. I am educated, and have watched a Lifetime movie or two. I just can't understand what possessed me. report abuse
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Your Life Is Not Meant To Be Unhappy - Change It!
written by hh , 14 March, 2007
All this discussion about whether he is a compulsive liar, pathological liar, habitual liar - WHO CARES? If he is lying, the effect is the same, no matter the label.
Votes: +12
I have just initiated a divorce after a 20 year marriage. I loved this man since I was 17, I am now 50. He has never been honest about anything. He lies about finances, where he is, who he is with, events that happen at work, things that his doctors and psychiatrists tell him. I am completely financially responsible, but through lies, deception, and forgery, he has completely financially ruined me - us; the final insult is that he is a closet homosexual. He has a "secret" porn addiction that I stumbled upon, much to my disgust and shock. He denies his homosexuality with all his being. He is either lying to me, or himself. Doesn't really matter at this point. The divorce attorneys, his therapists, and I are the only ones who know about it. I would happily tell his family and friends the truth, but I don't want it to get back to my daughters. The lies just never stop; his friends and family laugh at how outrageous his stories are, how charming and funny and entertaining he is. They are not invested in his lies; as his wife, I am. I have lost all respect for him. I have lost all trust for him. When he talks to me, all I know is that his mouth is moving. I went from believing in every word he uttered, every thing he did, to believing nothing. He says he truly loved me; if he did, he threw happiness away with both hands. I have to look at my part in all of this; I am the classic co-dependent spouse, protecting his lies, not confronting him, in order to maintain the life we had. The fear of change, of losing him, kept me in his grip. I just could not understand how I could love someone so much, have so much to give, and it could not work out. Now that I am several months into the divorce, I can tell you this; I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. I am no longer a victim. I am no longer terrorized in my own home. My dreams are no longer undermined by a partner at home that drains my energy. I am proud that I took the step to make my life better. I am getting back the self respect that I have lost. Financially, it will take a long time to get back on my feet. The job market is frightening, I have no job. But I have hope. Something I could not afford when I was in the midst of this debilitating marriage. Get yourselves a therapist, gather your friends and family for lots of support, find a divorce attorney, and move on. LIFE IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS. YOU ARE ENTITLED TO BE HAPPY! report abuse
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stefj
written by stefj , 23 March, 2007
I think I am married to a compulsive liar. It's frustrating, because that seems like a nice way to put it. To me he just seems selfish and uncaring about how his lies make me feel.
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I thought I lost my sanity
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 09 April, 2007
I realized my husband was a compulsive liar when I returned from a deployment last year. It has been a long year and I am now just regaining control of my sanity. He has done things in the past, but after reading many responses above, am now realizing that I have been living a lie for the duration of my marriage, this year being the worst. When I first found out what he did while I was gone, financially draining our savings, I was in total shock, I went numb. I began to wonder who was this person I am married to. Then a domino effect happened, month after month, lie after lie... fabricated stories that never happened, porn addiction, and just totally living two separate lives. I had to see a psychiatrist to determine the level of sanity I had left. Believe it or not, the psychiatrist told me, at our first session, I was recommended to leave my husband. A person that thrives on lying is immature, immoral, and a toxin to the person that has to endure that life. I was totally shocked in hopes to save our marriage. But, it has only continued. I don't think my saga will ever end - as one individual noted above - will it ever end? I don't know - do I want to live like this for the rest of my life. I am just now regaining my sanity and have given my husband an ultimatum. We are seeing therapy and if it doesn't work out or improve, it's over. Life is to short to live in pain and misery. I have to much to live for, my children. ~Maria-Lani~
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written by shar , 14 April, 2007
I'm glad to have broken the ties. My husband continued to lie to me until I refused to talk to him anymore. He told me he was never married and had no children. I have since found out about 3 marriages (plus ours) and two children.
Votes: +1
About two years ago he went through treatment for cancer. He was telling me that the cancer had come back and he needed surgery. Two days ago the doctors office called and left a message telling him everything looked good, and not to come back for three months. I really beat myself up about leaving him while he's sick...and he used that to his advantage. I'm glad to be without him... and I like being alone. I'm in a good place. report abuse
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written by Ms Tammy , 24 May, 2007
I was engaged to a pathological liar - not my word for him, but the woman we started seeing for premarital counseling. We only had one session before I found out that he was dating many other women, telling old girlfriends that he still loved them, etc. He swore that he loved me and would do anything to change. He gave me access to his email so 'I could see that he's not up to anything.' That's when things got really weird - I realized that it wasn't just cheating. He would send emails even to guy friends about things that never happened, such as his phone being stolen by a pickpocket. I was with him the whole day it supposedly happened and I know it didn't happen. We wanted to buy a house together and I don't know if he had as much in savings as he said, I know that he had more debt than he had told me about.
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I can't believe it took me so long to realize that he lied non-stop. If faced with telling the truth-even when I had proof, he would still lie. Even when there is nothing at stake, he still lies. The weird thing is that I still find myself drawn to him. I am still seeing the same counselor that he and I had started seeing together, she tells me that the lies have become normal to me and I'm as addicted to listening to them as he is to telling them. I try to stay away and ignore his attempts at contact. I agreed to have lunch with him last weekend. He seemed nervous for a while and we had a nice enough conversation. Towards the end I started to feel upset and get a little teary. I looked over at him, and the look on his face startled me - he looked happy and excited. He's the vulture and I'm the carcass. Don't think I'm feeling completely sorry for myself. I know that there are things I overlooked or ignored about him, and I want to make sure that I won't allow myself to do that in the future. I completely agree with the earlier post about the liar's feelings of inadequacy and desire to control or feel equal through deception. report abuse
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written by Darren Lapton , 10 June, 2007
I feel your pain. My WIFE is a liar. She has lied to me since we were dating in 1990. Married two years later, I later find out she had lied about being abused as a child. I forgave her for that lie,it was pure pain. I then am told that I am like the abuser and that she does not love me the same. A few days later she meet with her boyfriend, spent 4 hours in his truck at a park, (talking and one kiss she says). She promised to break it off, found out she did not. He would not call her (as I told him it would be ugly if he did) so she started calling him. Went through marriage counseling. She kept on. Yesterday she got a text message from him, lied about it, I finally got the truth out of her, she admits to riding by his house yesterday too. How much more can I take, I forgive, she lies, I trust, she lies. She has a problem, I want to leave after 15 years of marriage w/ two kids, I just want it to stop! Will she ever tell the truth!
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written by Confused in AZ , 29 June, 2007
It is so nice to hear that other people have similar problems. My husband and I separated about 7 months ago because he said I wasn't giving him what he needed. At the time he was also emailing another woman. To this day he denies an affair even though I found anniversary cards from her, photos, etc. He tells me it was a set-up to see if I was snooping. The problem is he has been lying to me since the day we met. He told me he had a degree, but when I tried to order transcripts they have no record of him. He swears up and down that he does, but decides to do another degree. He lies about money, he lies about everything. It makes me sick to my stomach. In the end he told me that he doesn't think I like him or respect him. I think that he is right as I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He was just fired for lying, but he doesn't see it as that. He says she had it in for him and now I just found out something else he did at work. Right now we are in talks of getting back together, but when these lies pop up on top of everything else I just don't know if I want to get back into that. I am so afraid that my kids are going to grow up to be lairs. I am so honest so this lying drives me crazy, yet I always forgive and forget. I just wish I could trust him.
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written by MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED IS MY , 24 July, 2007
My husband, of one month, is the biggest liar that I have ever met in my whole life. We have been together for eight years. I've been with him since I was 17 years old. My life is a nightmare 75% of the time and wonderful 25%. I have the worst monster-in-law so he has learned from the best. She has dedicated her every breath to ruining my life and he lets her. They work together. They are both manipulative and part evil. She has always hated me, but in front of others I'm her best friend. He plays games with my head and I feel like I'm going crazy. On the other hand he treats me like a queen, I fell in love with him because he is sweet, charming, always knows what to say, definitely a handsome man, he opens doors for me - makes breakfast in bed and not just on special occasions, and he works hard to support our daughter. Then he screws all that up when he lies about everything. I mean everything, all the time, every single day. Every day since the day we met he has lied about something no matter how small or big, or how stupid or important. It never fails. I do not believe anything he says at all. But I love him. Its so bad that I almost see him as a child most of the time anymore its almost as if he can't be held responsible for his own actions. I don't ask for much all I want is a normal life. Our daughter has even picked up on these "games". She has figured out how to manipulate situations to get what she wants. She sees Nana and Daddy doing this. Basically my "spirit" is broken. I am sad a lot. He is always feeding me a bunch of crap and the times when I'm dumb enough to believe it I get my hopes up, only to be shattered shortly after. Therefore its very difficult to get out of this depression when all of my own hopes and dreams seem so far away. I am physically, emotionally, and mentally drained. I'm torn between my heart and my head. Even though my heart is broken daily. He has changed a little. I know he is trying, and I also know that his mother has done this very same thing to him his whole life (his whole family too some are like her and the rest are also victims themselves). I know he doesn't want to be like that, not a lot of people do. In general people want to be liked. He has never lived or been shown any other way -- until me. I just want to be happy. I want that to include him but I don't think that it is going to be possible, which sucks after all the years that I have been fighting to have that very thing. Should I give up? OR Should I keep fighting? Any suggestions would be appreciated. I will write back with thanks.
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written by BB , 29 July, 2007
Oh my god. I am reading this and can't believe there is an actual website and forum for what is tearing my family apart. I married a man six years ago that I thought that I thought was the person I was meant to be with. He had this way of making me feel that was incredible. I don't know when it went downhill, it wasn't long after we married that I started catching him in lies. I noticed when we were dating that he would exaggerate stories, and tell little white lies, but isn't that normal. I know a ton of men that exaggerate their stories, the fish I caught was this big, or I told the cop blah blah blah when he pulled me over, and I know a ton of men that tell little white lies, I can't come over because my son isn't feeling good, etc. But it has gotten so out of control. He has cheated on me three times that I know of, I forgave every time and we went to therapy. I finally started thinking that things were getting better and then bam another huge lie. The sad part is that there was a part of me that thought thank god he wasn't with another woman. This time I left though. Hotel last night and hotel again tonight. My two boys, yeah did I mention that my precious young boys think I am staying with my sister who is sick. Does this ever end? Do these liars hit rock bottom ever? Do they ever look into their children's eyes and realize they have got to get some help, they have to salvage their lives? Have I lost, Have I failed...
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written by SR - Trinidad , 01 August, 2007
I am so glad that I have found this site because I thought that I was losing my mind trying to deal with my lying husband... I though that I was in this alone and reading all these stories its like reading different chapters of my life... I've been with my husband since I was 14... I'm 27 now and we've been married for 3 years... but from the beginning while we were in school to up to last night he has been lying to me and I've reached a point where I don't know what to do... I don't believe in divorce... I believe that what God has joined together no man can divide... but I can't take it anymore I feel as though I'm losing my sanity.......
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written by I can't believe this is my lif , 16 August, 2007
I feel so relieved to know I'm not alone. I am reading my life story over and over in your comments. About 5 months ago, I found out that everything my husband of 7 years had told me about his life was made up--a complete lie. I filed for divorce within two weeks--there had been so many lies before about things big and small that this was the final straw for me. We separated about 3 months ago and I feel that a huge load has been lifted off my shoulders. I am devastated, angry, lonely, and depressed, but I am determined to come out of this stronger and happier. I have two young children, ages 2 and 4 and they are by far my biggest concern. He wants joint custody and I can't say he's been a bad dad because he hasn't. But I am so concerned about my kids being exposed to him and his ways. I have no proof that he's nuts and he sure doesn't think he has any problems. I would love to talk with anyone who's open to it--I feel so alone.
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written by frustrated! , 04 September, 2007
Oh my gosh...what a relief. Even if no one talks back I can vent with others who feel my frustration. I've been married to my husband for
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2 1/2 years. I catch him ALL the FREAKIN time lying about EVERYTHING... big or small. when we first started dating I believed it, the I caught on, started doing a little research on what he was telling me, and today I confront EVERY STATEMENT that I think MIGHT be a lie. I mean everything. If he tells me he did 3 loads of dishes I question him on it... cause it's probably 1 or 2. Seriously I question everything, and always tell him to "quit exaggerating" even if we're with other people! I go out of my way to point out his lies and exaggerations even if it embarrasses him. If he wants to play... I can play back!! Hang in there girls!! report abuse
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written by maaike , 17 September, 2007
This forum has given me real strength and I keep coming back to it in order to re-affirm that I have not got it all wrong, that I was not going crazy, that it is not all my fault... you and I are all doing the same thing and ruining our lives by questioning ourselves and hoping and trying and then trying some more. There is NO point! I was with my partner for 12 years and became an incredibly anxious, nervous, desperate and depressed person. Even if I KNEW the truth, he lied so convincingly that I thought I must have got it all wrong (despite evidence to the contrary) or I must be going completely crazy! He would of course tell me I was quite mad and paranoid.... We got married 5 years ago and as soon as we did he went into overdrive lying. I had, before we got married, found out he had an affair. We split up for 10 months - but in the end he convinced me that it was over and that we should marry. 5 Years later he told a marriage guidance counselor that he never had an affair. When I pointed out that he had been on holiday with her he denied that. When I put to him that he went to Indonesia with her the counselor asked if he went to Indonesia. He admitted that but stated 'she just happened to go there as well'. When the counselor asked if they had spent the time together he did admit this. She laughed! And eventually told me to get out as he was a compulsive liar and a control freak and would never change! It took me another year, losing more confidence, feeling very panicky, depressed and forever questioning myself - before I decided I could take no more. We are now divorced - but he still writes me emails and even now he tells me gigantic lies in those mails. He very obviously has got some other woman - as I bumped into him with her - and lots of things have become clear since we split up. He never stopped lie-ing and probably had more than just the 2 affairs I am aware of........
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I have finally decided not to have any contact with him at all - and am not responding to his mails anymore. What's the point? I still feel anxious and have a notion that I am in some way 'addicted to this liar... it will take time - but things ARE starting to feel better and there are days that I manage to feel quite peaceful with myself. I have wasted a lot of my life and energy and above all, my love and trust on this person. He will do it again and again. He has done the same with the wife he had before me and he will do it again with someone new. I am 53 and have a good job - my kids left home years ago and are settled. I only wish I had stopped it all years ago! But there is still a lot of life left! So to anyone in the same situation. Get out, get out, get out!! All you achieve is having you head f...ed up, being sad and depressed and anxious and wasting your lief! Surely no other person (however charming or nice they are in other aspects) is worth throwing your life away for??? report abuse
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written by lodi girl , 19 September, 2007
Wow. My stomach aches from reading stories I could have written almost word for word. Finally free from a compulsive liar since 2004, after seven years and two daughters, I am still haunted by the destruction that man caused from his compulsive lying. I TRULY thought I was one in a million experiencing this insanity. Sure it occurred in psychology text books, but to be married to a compulsive liar, what were the chances. He is still the same. But now without a family to love and be loved by, he is homeless, jobless and on drugs, but in his words he makes great money, works as a independent contractor and chooses to live with his mother because it is convenient, and not having a car is due to high gas prices, not because he lost his license due to drug convictions. He doesn't pay child support because he needs to save his money to start a wood carving business.
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 . And of course the 75 pound weight loss is from a healthy lifestyle not the meth you have been busted with 3 times. I still break out in hives after talking to him and my self esteem is only slowly coming back. But I will survive.... Last word ladies. RUN and never look back. report abuse
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written by Married in Florida , 09 October, 2007
Wow. My heart goes out to everyone here. I am going through the same thing. Lies Lies Lies, and for no apparent reasons. My wife and I have four children together. They love their mommy and she loves them... But she is sick... What the hell is the "right thing" to do. Nobody seems to have a practical, guaranteed solution. I hope and pray the everyone on this forum comes to peace in their family. God Bless.
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written by ames , 14 October, 2007
I'm so sorry that all of you are going through that same thing as I am.
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I too married a compulsive liar. I didn't know it of course. I've know for many many years that he had a lying problem. It wasn't until doing some research recently, that he indeed was a compulsive liar. So many things said here are the same. One being is that he lied from day one. Yes, mine did too. But again, we didn't know what we were getting ourselves into. I've been a trusting wife, and he took advantage of that, stole 12 years of my life, and has nearly taken my sanity away. I have never felt like "I" needed to be put away and locked up for craziness. This is what they do. Make us question ourselves. My husband is also physically abusive. The lies are so ridiculous that no other human being would believe them except him. I truly believe that he doesn't see his lies as lies, but as the truth. I fear he is deeply mentally ill. We are separated right now. I've told him we are going to marital counseling and then family counseling because my daughter deserves to have her feelings heard. He has cheated on me, how many times? I don't know. One of the affairs is with my sister. The lies about that are the most crazy. The only thing he has ever admitted regarding her, is that he drives by her house, but contends that the reason is because "it's an alternate route home" or "it's on the way". It's about as OUT OF THE WAY as possible. I asked him again yesterday about it, he gave the same answer in the same tone with the same words. I knew then, he was insane. He angrily yelled on the phone that "IT'S ON THE WAY". If you all could see how out of the way it is. Compulsive liars, I believe are serious addicts, and I've found him to be absolutely without remorse. Stone cold. Sure, he's apologized for f-ing things up. But I don't believe he is truly sorry. My daughter grieves for the daddy she wishes she had had. She's 11. When confronted with hard copy evidence of his lies, he still denies. This I will never understand. Over the 12 years I wasted on this man, he has spun so many lies he couldn't keep up with them. I question every single thing he has ever told me. Now, in retrospect, I look at the things he's told me, and I find them completely absurd and highly unlikely or possible to have ever occurred. They care only about themselves. If you think they ever loved you, you are dead wrong. They do not love their children. They only care about themselves and how they look to other people. My husband has stolen my family. They all hate me, and I never did anything to them. I have not one person to call to talk to. No one but him. And I think he wants it that way. I believe he has told my family lies so they will hate me. My own mother even. Worst of all, he is perfect in her eyes, and she gets angry and will not hear of anything negative about him. I have no mother. She believes him. She hasn't even called me once over the last several months to see how I am. The pain he's caused me is unbearable. I've had very dark thoughts b/c of this. I have started individual counseling. May it bring some sense to this whole thing. May I be validated as the decent, caring, trusting person that I've always been. One that despises liars and seeks only truth. I hope I someday heal from the hell that has been my life. The man I married never existed. This hurts worst. He NEVER EXISTED. I gave him my all, he took everything. I pray for us all report abuse
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written by sscott , 22 October, 2007
Okay... on the one hand, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only person going through all of this right now (even though I have no one I can talk to about it, so it certainly FEELS that way). But, on the other hand, I feel that it's HORRIBLE that ANY of us are going through this!
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I am REALLY unsure of what to do because I'm still demented enough to really love this man I married, despite the fact that he consistently lies about things - big and small - on a VERY regular basis. He lied for months about being addicted to online pornography. Of course he insists that he has never or would never cheat on me, but how am I supposed to believe ANYTHING that comes out of his mouth? He lies about the smallest thing too - such as when I asked him if he had a chance to order something we had discussed buying, he said he had not gotten around to it yet, but he would try to do it today and I had already gotten a phone call from the company confirming the order! It doesn't make sense! Why would anyone lie about something like that? I have tried confronting him about things and that does absolutely no good. He will look me right in the eyes and lie about it - not once or twice, but MANY times. Like others have written before me, I will provide documentation and he STILL lies! I just don't understand it. And, the unfortunate thing is that everyone outside of our relationship thinks he walks on water. They would NEVER understand - or even believe - what I'm going through. It makes me sick. report abuse
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written by Leanne , 31 October, 2007
3 yrs for me. Is he mentally ill, or just a pathological LIAR?? Really doesn't matter I guess. He ripped my world apart, deceived me, betrayed me, and crushed any trust I ever had in him. My heart bleeds... But like Ames says... the man I thought loved me so dearly... HE NEVER DID EXIST... Can't help but pity the poor guy. What a way to live your life. Preying on and hurting others. Shattering hearts and lives... Crying shame.
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written by Lisa G , 01 January, 2008
Comment to Lala G. I have been through what you're going through. You are insecure and afraid of losing this person. You also have a low self esteem. You mess up because you see yourself as a mess up. Stop being afraid to tell the truth. Do something for yourself and realize that you are somebody. Stop depending on acceptance from anyone other than yourself. You are special. Love yourself and stop lying to yourself and others everyday. You are valuable. you don't have to lie or be something that you are not to be special. You already are.
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written by Deb , 15 January, 2008
Hi everyone,
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{hugs ) for everyone who is in pain due to the CL in their life. I have been observing for a month now. I am seeing a pattern in all of the posts. Btw, I too was dating a CL for approx 1 1/2 yrs. Bucket overflowed. The pain of STAYING with a CL is WORSE than the pain of LEAVING.(in my case) I threw him out 6 months ago, tried dating, lies didn't stop. I went for counseling for a year to deal with the CL in my life, didn't help. . .WHEN I found this board, it was the validation that I needed. I wasn't crazy. It wasn't ME. I have many things to say I think would be helpful to the majority of you all because I'm am one of those people (former psych major) I have to analyze everything. My counselor told me "doesn't matter why" he lies . . . PERIOD. . . (not good enough for me) I have to know WHY? . .I did research, research and found this board and I found something on this board that I didn't get in counseling or anywhere else. In my humble opinion, I think we ALL just need/ needed to know 4 things (FACTS) (all I can think of at the moment) 1) WE"RE not crazy, we're NOT going insane, 2) It's NOT our fault (case in point, it's not EVEN about "us") 3. We ALL need/needed to be "VALIDATED" 4. We Indeed are NOT ALONE in this diabolical dysfunctional relationship w/ the CL I see a pattern. We all have the same "doubtful" thoughts and we ALL appear to have the same "doubtful" feelings. I just want to say this. . . . FEELINGS are REAL, they're not right or wrong, their ours, we OWN them, if something does NOT (((( feel )))) right, THAT is our body/mind telling us "WOW, something isn't right here? Am I right? It's our bodies way of telling us WOOOOOW!. . .STOP! . . .this is NOT Right! okay, I want to share this. . .Last relationship I was w/ a heroin addict. . .Lucky ME, 2 Mr wonderful's in a row.(not proud of admitting this) but trying to share hope, knowledge and experience w/ all of you loving, heartwarming people on here. Lying associated w/ the H addict was a tad bit different than someone who lies compulsive (without drugs or alcohol) But what's ironic is that the heroin addict (who also is big hearted) but if I told you what he told me everything he did way before he met me (I'm very forgiving and BIG hearted) you wouldn't pick him up off the side of the street if he was homeless and freezing to death . . He actually TAUGHT me how the mind of an addict thinks, he educated me (don't care about the addiction part) as much as the manipulating, conning part of playing on people's weakness', how he lied, why he lied . . . okay so I learned my lesson/lessons from him. . . I moved on . . . then I met my wonderful CL #2 . .. Yeah . .I'm thinking HOW THE H*LL (the intelligent person that I am), end up with another sick person) Is SH*T magnet written on my forehead??????/ I learned this: I went to Naranon on the internet. . .I learned THIS. ADDICTS, ALCOHOLICS, SOCIOPATHS, or CL, etc Call it whatever the DSMR book calls it. . . .in the real world, it comes down to this and I hope this gives some or all of you comfort . . . . .. When someone has a disorder or disease. . . .it's a FAMILY disease. . . .someone does drugs . . ..their NOT the only one that suffers the DISEASE or DISORDER, EVERYONE around them, family, friends we SUFFER the AFFECTS of the disease or disorder. WE suffer the illness ALSO. . Case in point, If someone has a mental problem, mental disorder, addiction, or multiple diagnosis. the ones that love the sick person, related to them, associate with them, SUFFER THE DISEASE OR DISORDER also. I hope this helps somebody. I did not get this from a book. report abuse
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written by Deb , 15 January, 2008
I couldn't fit everything in one post
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HERE"S THE CONTINUATION OF THE LAST POST! I learned it from experience and others' experience. . It's NOT about US. . . I have more to say but can't remember everything at once. I have memory problems due to a medical problem . (boring) so my heart goes out to ALL of you. If anyone EVER feels crazy and needs a friend, my email is This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it '> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . One more thing before I come back and post, KNOW THIS . . . .As long as you are AWARE that something is NOT Right (the lying and all) the fact that you ARE AWARE of it means that you're NO where NEAR to being crazy or insane. . .It's NORMAL to doubt yourself after being with someone "untrustworthy." You might FEEL insane but you're not. If you DIDN'T feel crazy or insane after being w/ a CL, then I think you SHOULD worry. . .then you would probably be in DENIAL . . All of the posts I've read on here, I want to tell you all this : . .I'm hearing your pain and I am NO expert and don't care about being right or wrong but I want to say that you're ALL PERFECTLY COGNITIVELY INTACT. You might be confused, torn , devastated, in a rage, in a state of despondency, but "this too shall pass" It's NOT YOUR FAULT, you're not weak, you're not stupid, you're not crazy and you're powerless over the CL. You can't help someone that doesn't WANT help, furthermore if they don't EVEN realize they HAVE a problem, their in DENIAL . . ..THEY CANNOT BE HELPED! (just remembered, this is the 3rd liar I've been with) If you can't define or admit the problem, how can you come up with a solution? (this is just MY thinking) My heart goes out to all of you and PLEASE try not to do that "why me" thing . . . think this instead "okay NOW I know, I hurt, ask God to tell you what the right next move is? . .It worked for me. Sorry, ignore that last thing if you're not spiritual. I'm not on here to bible-thump. hugs to everyone! Oh, did I mention (details don't matter) former CL broke my spirit SO bad last nite that I hurt so bad, I broke down and did the ONLY thing I have left. I Prayed for the sicko! ps there's knowledge and wisdom AFTER the pain and w/ pain. You end up WISER, STRONGER and SMARTER been there done that, seems like my life story hugs to everyone report abuse
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written by Frankly , 31 January, 2008
I read a lot of the posts here and I know what most of you are feeling. My wife of seventeen years has been lying to me right from the beginning. I didn't know it right away, if fact, I sort of rationalized her lies away for several years. Quick background, we were both married before and had custody of our individual children and received child support form our respective ex-spouses. About eight years into our marriage my ex-wife apparently stopped paying support ($62.50 twice a month). This went on for over a year with me asking about whether the checks were arriving . When I received a check, I noticed the statement that my ex was not in arrears. I asked my wife if she had seen any checks, she said no. It turns out that she had been forging my name and cashing and spending the checks. When confronted she justified it by saying she was buying groceries with the money. I told her her actions were despicable and that she needed to be honest from then on. She said "I'm sorry." and that was it.
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About a year later I was doing an online credit check and found four maxed out credit cards. One to our home address, two to her business and one to her mother's address. I asked her about them and she admitted to all but the one to her mothers address. I asked if her mother was committing fraud and she said, 'she must be, because it isn't my card.' A year later her business failed and in order to pay all the bills including all of the credit cards, she talked me into using my retirement to pay it off. I agreed to do it on the promise that she would at least make additional cash payments on the mortgage so we would be free of it by the time I retired. Once she found a job, I had to remind her of her promise. She made two payments and never payed again. A few months later I noticed a cell phone charger in her car. Knowing I would say that if she could pay for a cell phone, she could at least try to keep her promise, she denied that it was her cell phone and that the chargers were for phones she used to have (it was still plugged into the power outlet in the car). She continued denying that she had a cell phone until I opened the bill (I had thought it was some offer from out land line phone which was the same company Verizon). I called her number and mentioned how strange it was to hear her voice on a phone she didn't have. That was pretty much the last time I believed her about anything. Now that I am no longer in denial about her honesty, I can see that she lies about just about everything. A few weeks ago she asked me if I still loved her and I told her no. She wants to stay together and promises to change. I can't believe her. The only reason I didn't leave with the check fraud and other things was I really didn't want to put either daughter through a second divorce. They are both out of the house now so there is no reason to stay. My religious beliefs have also been something that have kept me from divorcing her. I can't trust her words or motives and I don't love her, yet I am reluctant to throw away 17 years of marriage. I don't know if I can or even want to save the marriage from divorce. I am 57 and she is 51 and I am a little afraid of being old and alone. I don't think we can stay together much longer. report abuse
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written by From NZ , 09 February, 2008 Yeah, well I've been married for nearly 18 years and boy, can I relate to what's already been said! I have suggested counseling, to no avail. We have two young boys, which makes things all that harder! report abuse
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written by Elizabeth1 , 17 February, 2008
I've only been married for a year and a half to a compulsive liar. We had been together for 8 years prior, on and off. He cheated on me in the years before we got married - once that I know about. But I was still stupid enough to marry him. I suffer from being unable to believe that someone who says "I love you" could lie to my face. That's why I have pretended not to know that he's lying to me about almost everything. At least he hasn't spent all our/my money. He seems to get his parents to bail him out of any situations like that.
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We just went through IVF after not being able to have a baby naturally. He walked out on me at 10 weeks, apparently "confused and unsure" about being a father. He said he needed time to figure out how he was going to support us. What he was really doing was renting another place, lying about where he was staying, and buying flowers & dinner for I don't know who. I know this because I opened his bank statement. I have finally told people close to me about what's going on. I've been protecting him for years. Now I have to protect myself and our baby, so I am leaving our home and my job to physically remove myself from any more of his screwing with my head. I hope that being out of this environment will let me break the cycle of discovering the lies, then believing the lies that cover it up. It's amazing how we can doubt what we know to be 100% right, isn't it? report abuse
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written by Jill S. , 10 April, 2008
My husband is a Compulsive Liar. He has lied so much that he believes everything he says. He has destroyed all trust in his only son, his family, friends,and most of all Me. He had an affair with another woman and is now living with her and lying to her to. We would have been married for 16 years this year and our marriage is now moving toward divorce. My son who is 13 is at the point where he wants nothing to do with or have no contact with his father because of all the lies and deceit. He has said some very hurtful things to us and the relationships are at the point of no repair. I feel for everyone in this situation.
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written by Mikey , 13 April, 2008
Its not just men, women too. My wife cannot tell the truth, period. You ask a question and get several different answers that do not correspond with one another. Then the admission of the lie and you are made to be the bad person because you "caught" the lie. Seriously seek professional help!
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written by lb , 15 April, 2008
I too am married to a liar. He was a broke ass hoosier when I met him and he has spent us into the poor house over and over. The only reason I am still here is because I have been told that the state we live in (Missouri) would make me pay 50% of all debt and I simply cannot afford to do that on my current salary and be able to pay my own bills too. He refuses to file bankruptcy, never mind that he berated me until I filed 8 years ago. He said that me filing BK would make his life easier.
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He lies about pretty much everything. He is the greatest, the best, etc. Does not have any close friends at all, has chased away all of my friends with his paranoia and jealousy. Says that he runs the entire operation at work but you wouldn't know it by his paychecks. He is without a doubt the biggest loser in the world. He's a fat lazy drunk too. I swear if I have to listen to him bitch one more time about being fat. Lies when you ask if he stayed true to his diet, if he drank 12 beers, etc. Spends money like no tomorrow. I actually had my own home, money in the bank and it's all gone. Shame on me for falling for all of this. I have been to the edge of the abyss one time too many with this turd. I feel like my time has run out. I hate even going home. report abuse
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written by mom , 22 April, 2008
I cannot believe there are so many of us! I have 3 kids with a man who is a compulsive liar. They adore him and he is a great dad so I do not know what to do. His lies have put us in HUGE debt and he will not stop. I do not want a divorce but I know I cannot trust him. What should I do? My kids are so young. A divorce would destroy them and they are my first priority.
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written by RonS , 22 April, 2008
I guess I am fortunate to have found out before things got too deep in my relationship. I dated this woman for two years and still love her, but had to end it this past week. Everything she says is a lie and she lies about obvious things when there is no reason for it. I only discovered what was going on after realizing she was being unfaithful. I'd like for her to get help, but based on my conversations with her, I don't think she realizes she has a problem.
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written by ShiMe , 18 June, 2008
THANK GOD, THANK GOD, THANK GOD FOR THIS WEBSITE!!! I am really grateful that this website was divinely sent to me (along with other inspirations to get the hell out now!) because it came at the time when I was again feeling lonely and doubting my decision to leave a compulsive/pathological liar. After 2 months and 3 wks of meeting the man with that I thought dreams were made of, last week it this all blew up in my face because of me finding out how much of a human chameleon this man is. After having empty and pedestrian dating experiences for almost 3 years, I was so elated to finally be in the company of a man who made me feel those pubescent butterflies in my stomach that one gets when they have met someone that they feel they want to spend forever with. Our togetherness felt so natural, so right, and so wonderful that I experienced a natural high whenever I thought of him. THEN, all hell broke loss and I discovered that this man was making several other women feel the same way. I had began to suspect it because my I have a very strong intuitive spirit, but my logic sometimes gets the best of me. On several occasions when I knew that his story wasn't adding up, I would literally have vivid, I mean very lucid dreams of him being with other women and I would wake up in tears and in emotional/physical pain. I had become that connected to the man in such a short time. When I told him about these dreams and my premonitions, he said that I was insecure, that I was letting old baggage taint our relationship. That I was crazy for thinking that he would ever do anything to hurt me. As I look back, this man had told me exactly who he was from the beginning, but I wanted to believe otherwise. The elaborate stories about other women, about his businesses, about his material gains were mostly lies. Funny things is that these people have mastered the art of game playing so well that it is a bona fide sport for them that they refuse to lose. He was able to make a blind man think that he could see and a fat woman believe that she as a svelte as Karen Carpenter. Found out about the other women and tried to warn them and they all turned on me. He has been begging me back, and I admit, that there is this part of me that misses what I thought I had. Since I am a licensed counselor, I find myself wanting to help him, but i know it's a conflict of interest because I shouldn't be taking on my lover (whose in denial about who he is) as a client. No Way! After reading this site, I am so done with him that you can stick a fork in it! Thank you all so much for sharing and giving me the thought provoking forewarning and the courage to get the HELL Away from this man quick fast and a hurry! My life means to much for me to let it fall by the waste side of someone that chooses to deal with people's heart haphazardly.
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written by Caramelcharn , 12 July, 2008
Hi everyone, thank you all so much for sharing your stories, I too felt alone and as though I was going crazy but now I know that I am not.
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I an 26 and have been with my C/L for seven years. He also lied to me from day one. So many lies I don't know where to start. For instance when I first met him he had a daughter of 2 months old, he told me the mother was crazy, like his mother and now like me according to him, now I know why because we all have him in common lol, anyway I found text messages to hear saying how about it for old times sake! I took him back, he cheated on me denied it and finally admitted to it a year later, I took him back, cheated on me again with a colleague and put her name under a mans name, took him back, found numerous voicemails and texts to and from women he made lies and I did what!! Yes took him back, he went on holiday without telling me, then he said he went to Spain, I found pictures of him on a Ayia Napa website with no top on stage! We had broken up and I was devastated and he was in Ayia Napa, he has lied about jobs, cars, women, money and the latest I have found out is that he left his job or got sacked and has been getting up each morning pretending to go to work, id call him and it would be silent and he'd say that he is having a fag, I finally plucked up the courage to call his work phone and was told he no longer works there, he finally admitted it and is still telling me lies, I've had enough, last year I got an injunction on him and we were separated for 6 months and then I took him back, due to being lonely and scared and hoping he had changed after 6 months and that he really loved me what a fool, but sometimes I truly believe he does love me but cant help it - his family, my family and friends all tell me to get out but I love him, we have been separated for two weeks now and I try to keep strong, one day I'm angry the next tearful its so hard and the worst thing is I really want a baby and cant imagine a life without children and really wanted to start planning this year how could I have children with a liar who will break their tiny hearts too like he has his daughter? Please help, love and messages of support God bless  report abuse
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written by maaike , 18 July, 2008
He won't change. Please, don't waste any more time on him. I know it is hard to stop - it took me almost 13 years and I still struggle some of the time - almost 2 years after we split up for good. It is almost an addiction, but if you want to, you can beat it! These guys are really controlling and for some idiotic reason we do things that are really very much out of character. I also put up with affairs and tried and tried and tried again. Very demeaning! Become your own woman again! You are young - plenty of time to find a nice new bloke and have kids.....
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It is actually better being lonely on your own than being lonely in a relationship. And bit by bit you will find peace and won't be so ridiculously nervous, tense, upset, tearful, emotionally dependent. I thought I would never get over him, but although it is taking time, I can feel myself taking more and more control of my life and have started laughing, singing along with the radio and being 'me' again. And you know what? I like myself better this way - without him. MUCH better. And so will you! And we all think we love them - so make a list of the things you love/like about him and another one of the things you hate/dislike about him. And be really honest! What's the bet that the second list is a lot longer? It will help you to make that break! Yes, I miss the nice bits, but now know that I will never ever go back - you can do it too! You know this is not going anywhere and do you really want to end up on your own in 10 years time? Having wasted yet more time having your heart stamped on over and over again? If he loved you, he would NOT do this! Do you want to throw your love at someone who is incapable of loving you? He no doubt tells you that he 'loves you to bits' 'you are the love of his life'.... we have all heard the words (a CL's blueprint!), but his actions show you that's all they are ..... words. If you love someone you do not hurt them - over and over again. And if this is an illness, do you want to be his Florence Nightingale and give up your life to it? Again..... start enjoying life! Have kids with a nice bloke some day. for God's sake do not have kids with this guy. Kids deserve better - as do you! Good luck! report abuse
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written by joattawa , 27 July, 2008
I was with one for almost six years. I found out he was lying about being raised in Thailand,dating models,and winning the lottery. I found this out after 4 months of dating. I should have gotten out then. My friends were telling me "RUN!" I stayed in and thought we could work it through. I didn't realize then how deep this problem is. He was a nice guy and that got me really distracted from this illness of compulsive lying. I lived with him in two apartments and then moved to a really large house over the course of 5 years. When we got to the house, we got engaged. He broke the engagement off after a few months of wedding planning. It hurt like hell, but now that I look back, I am so glad that I didn't marry him. I wouldn't want my life to be filled with such dishonesty. I was losing respect for him as a person. He lied about the places that he's traveled (he didn't even have a passport!), he lied about jobs that he never had, he lied about anything that would make him feel important. When I caught him, I would confront him. I eventually noticed that he would go out with his friends when I was at work. I figured that he could keep lying to them this way without me calling him out. At the end of the relationship he told me that his self-esteem had never been lower than it had been with me. Wow! If anything, I was trying to build him up as a person and get him to like himself without the "fluff". Ladies, if you're willing to live like this, then go ahead.....but it's miserable. If something does happen, you won't know whether to stand behind you man or wonder if he's telling the truth. This illness is hard to cure. I know if I was married to him, we would be divorced by now. I want an honest man and I was lucky to meet one once the liar dumped me. We are married now and I don't have to worry about deception anymore. There is hope, but only if you get out!
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written by Hopeless. . . . . , 20 September, 2008
I feels really good to know that I am not alone in this. I have been married to a CL for 14 years and we dated for 3 years before. After only a few months I knew something was not right, we were in an exclusive relationship and I would catch him talking to other women and then he would claim they were his cousins. He was charming, romantic and otherwise made me feel awsome. We ended up getting married and had two beautiful children right a way. He is an awsome dad but a dreadful husband. He craves attention of other women and can be very , very charming. Other women fall for him just like I did, but he tells one lie after another. If if were not for my kids, I would be gone. There is no telling how many affairs he has had, but recently one ended with an angry husband coming to my home and busting out the windows on his truck. He still insists that the guy is nuts and not him. He has gotten us so far in debt, we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. We tried splitting up but it tore the kids up so much, I let him come home. I love my children so much that I am willing to pretend nothing is wrong. But everything is wrong. He lies about where he goes, he has several cell phones so that I don't know who he is talking to. I believe that he is ADHD because he starts large projects on a regular basis and takes forever (if ever to complete). Any words of wisdom will help me out right now.
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written by MeghanNewOrleans , 06 November, 2008
I am responding to a post written in January of 2007, I know the person, although I haven't met her in person but heard about her through my ex-boyfriend. I don't want to write your name and I won't. Your ex-husband is in the military, now stationed in New Orleans. I met your ex after he was your ex. I just wanted to let you know you were right on track about him. After I found out he was cheating on me, he denied it. Then after he was caught in the lie he only admitted to cheating once, which I found out was not true. I don't know how you put up with his behavior for as long as you did. I was so shocked at his reaction for cheating on me, he pretty much wanted to make me believe it was all in my head. He even had several profiles of himself online, some of them were on the "meet for sex" sites. I told him that I found out about the sites and his reaction was to tell me later happily that he took his profile off. As if that would matter. Well, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever thought your marriage ended because it was your fault or if you ever second guessed yourself, it wasn't you and I don't think he will ever change, because in his mind he doesn't think he did anything wrong. I doubt that you even come to this site but I wanted to talk to you about this. I guess I am wondering why a person acts and thinks that way and I am sure I will never fully understand why.
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written by caged! , 14 January, 2009
Until this very moment I thought I was alone in this. I married my husband just a month after finding out he had slept with my sister, had a pornography problem, and was very comfortable with lying. I had no idea that anyone could lie about absolutely everything. I can have the proof in my hand and he will still lie. We have only been married 10 months and I feel so alone. I don't know what to do. I feel caged in! He's also very controlling. He follows me around the house, even to the bathroom. He isn't happy unless he is less than a foot from me and touching me CONSTANTLY. He says I have no reason to leave the house unless he is with me. He won't allow me to buy food or gas. He once told me if I wanted to eat I could call the church for food, meanwhile he had a cd worth $10,000 and money in the bank. But the lies are still the worst. We have dealt with other women since the month we were married. Oh God help me I think I'm going crazy.
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written by K in Ind. , 30 January, 2009
I really relate to all the above. I have been married for 17 yrs. Not one of them without lies I am sure. Lies mainly about money. How much he made, when he got paid, credit card debt. Spending money on my credit card. Job losses .
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I have learned to hide my credit cards from him, I have a separate bank account. I thought he would mature and learn from his mistakes. It is 17 yrs. later, and he is still lying to me about money. He lies to cover up his screw ups. I don't find out until months later. The latest lie I uncovered cost 10,000. He took out $6000 from his 401k to pay for this mistake. He never consulted me on this decision and he lost $3000 in taxes because of it. I am the beneficiary of this money. He can't get a good job back in this horrible economy. He threatens to kill himself. I can't take his lies anymore. He is pulling our family down the drain with him. Have I mentioned he has a history of alcoholism and one DUI. Of course, I bailed him out of jail. I know I need to divorce him.... but I am so sad that all my life has been a waste. I am a Christian and think I should do all I can to save the marriage. I have been to counseling and so has he, but separately. There is no fixing what has happened, and I have no hope that he will ever change. In fact, he told me as much a few weeks ago. I have to save myself and give my kids an example of how not to stay in such a mentally abusive relationship. I truly do believe something must be wrong with him. ADD, or just really stupid, he has always taken an anxiety med. and says that anxiety is a lot of his problem. But who wouldn't be anxious in a house of cards. I feel bad because he doesn't have a job that makes much money. He is older, the economy is bad. I don't want to throw him out on the street. He doesn't have a close relationship with his parents or siblings. But he is killing us. I can't believe anything he tells me. I have gotten where I can see the lie on his face when I ask him a question. I trust no one now. I can't forsee ever putting such trust in another man again. I have many friends who can't find a good person out there. I have little hope that I will either. I am so ashamed of my husband's lies and of myself for staying this long. report abuse
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written by B in Ind. , 31 January, 2009
I am a liar. I lie about very little things and very big things. My problem has always been with money. Living champagne dreams on a beer budget and lately more of a tap water budget. Everything from yes I let the dog out earlier before I left for work to yes I did apply for that job. 99% of the time it is true 1% is because I don't want to hear it. I am stressed, depressed, angry, afraid, pissed off, pissed on, etc. just like everyone else. I do think I have ADD. Not an excuse, but a reality. I love my wife with all my heart. I know she deserves better and I want to be better. If I screw up I hear about it for 10 years over and over. If she does something I let it go. I don't mean harm to my beautiful wife or my family. I want good things. I am a Christian. I am definitely not perfect. If my wife decides for me to leave or if she wants a divorce I will not fight it. Like I said. She deserves better. I will miss her. I wish I was better. If not for me, then at least for her and my family. I think that she has lost attraction for me the last few years. I don't blame her. She is beautiful. Dark hair, eyes, keeps herself in great shape. I still get excited to see her. I will miss my best friend. If someone out there has advice for me. Let me know.
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written by Please Help , 08 March, 2009
Finally, a forum for this! I've been married for eight months to a person I saw a future with. A couple of months after living together (in a trailer next to his parents-fun, fun), he said that the loan bills from the bank were to pay for the trailer. Later on, I found out from his dad that he wasn't making any payments on the trailer and that the loan was for an ATV. Okay, I thought, maybe that's it. Just something minor. Then he said that his car was in his name. And it was registered to his father I later found out. He also sent messages to female friends on the internet and although they weren't extremely flirtatious, he never mentioned me at all. In one instance, he actually informed a girl that he was moving to go to college. Yes, WE were moving- so I could finish MY DEGREE! After that incident, I left for a couple of days, but couldn't resist and came back for more.
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We were married in July, he was stoned for the entire wedding (a great impression, I'm sure) and then we moved out of town in August. Soon after we moved, he began getting depressed, assumingly because he had no friends where we were living (though he had made no attempts, even when I encouraged him to). A week before Christmas, he was "I don't know if I'm fired from my job." He stated that his boss was trying to fire him for not maintaining the restaurant. When I checked the emails that he wouildn't send around me, I discovered that his boss was accusing him of smoking marijuana in the cooler at work. Whether or not this ever happened, I don't care. What bothered me the most about it was that he lied about not being fired and that he gave his boss ammunition to fire him. The next day, he changed the password to that account. Since I know the password, as I set the account up, I knew he had changed it. But he still denied the change when confronted, and then finally admitted to his lie. Fast-forward to Christmas.After assuring me there was nothing else he had lied about, I find out that his parents actually aren't immigrants. They were born in Ohio in the same town he grew up in. He said it started out "as a socail experiment." I bet. Now, out of work and out of trust, he often tells me that he is applying for jobs out of town (he is now living back with his parents and friends) and the prospects look good. He swears he hasn't lied about anything else and wants to recover our marriage. Divorce is already on the table, and though we're both going through individual counseling, I don't know if any sort of counseling (couples or other) would be enough to restore my trust in him. After readin the stories above, I just thank God that I took his debit card after he rang up $70 in unmentioned sales before it became $700. He really is a good person with a lot of potential and though I'm sure a divorce would give me my life back, part of me still wants to save my marriage. Any advice is strongly appreciated. Thanks and Best Wishes. report abuse
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written by Why- but I am glad I am not alone , 12 March, 2009
It is like a bad dream that you want to wake up and then it will be over, but it never stops. I got married one year and a half ago. I have found out the my husband is a compulsive liar. He lie about thing that is so crazy and I also found out that he is cheating on me and continue to lie about that. I have found proof and the lady continue to call him. He had three cell phones and would take the third cell phone on vacations with us so that he could talk to the lady. I did not find out about the third phone until later. I thought we were spending time together without having a phone and he would be call the lady the entire time we would be on vacation. I feel sorry for him, he is sweet and a wonderful provider but a liar. I don't love him like I use too. I don't even know the man that I married. I have to ask God to help me keep my mind, it will drive you crazy if you allow it too, but I will not. I am waiting for the day that I can get out of this.
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written by Datch , 06 April, 2009
Wow. It was a long time ago that this was written, but I am so glad to be finding it on this day.
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The thing that leaves me confused about all of this is how do you know that his therapist said that, or that he's really coming to terms with it? And how do you know that all that he told you about who he is false, when it may be true, and THIS may be the lie? That's the real problem here, for me, and the reason why these relationships are impossible. You never know, you never will know, and there is no way to know, what is true and what is not, even when they "come to terms". And that's no way to live (as we can all testify). I am recently divorced from someone who, although I don't know that I would call her a compulsive liar, has a definite on-again, off-again relationship with reality. Have you heard of gaslighting? You (We) are not alone, that's for sure. But it sure does feel like it. The one thing I wanted to add is to ask those who have shared custody in this sort of situation (as so many have suggested)...how do you manage that? How do you manage "agreements" regarding the children if your ex spouse doesn't tell the truth? For example, I have assurances/agreements that my ex would "never take" my child from me, and that neither of us will speak badly about the other to our daughter, but I have evidence that the first is being considered, and the second is done all the time. How can you co-parent if you can't trust what they say, and doesn't this make the relationship with the liar continue throughout your child's life, even if you're separated? These are the things that leave me feeling hopeless and alone. report abuse
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written by Anna Karina , 25 April, 2009
WOW isn't this amazing?
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All these people who like me have entered the same Twilight zone. All have pain form being lied to, disrespected and abused EMOTIONALLY. My story is similar to all these ones. I don't even want to enter details otherwise it would be a long testament. What I find here is that most of the people LOVE their partners. Now the big question is: ok, there is no perfect human beings. If we are looking for a perfect ONE, we might as well give up. But how much can we sacrifice of what we consider "normal and acceptable"? How much can we give in on learning how to perfectly understand and accept in our lives an UNPERFECTED human being? report abuse
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written by louisa , 27 April, 2009
i have just found out this past month that my husband has been cheating on me.I am 8 nearly 9 months pregnant. I knew he was a liar to small things but now things have got more serious,I confronted him about this yet he manages to deny what i saw and that this is all my fault for not believing him in the first place.this to me looks like a case of controlling manipulative behavior. I have asked him to leave but he refuses,telling me that things will get better between us but i know deep down this is not the case. If there is no trust then there is nothing but at this moment i am frozen in time waiting for the inevitable birth of our baby. Then maybe i will feel strong enough to grab my life back to where it should be. To be at the hands of a compulsive liar and cheat isnt anyones fault other than the man who lays it at his table whether you decide to eat or not is only your choice.
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written by anonymous, Virginia , 20 June, 2009
It's definitely not just men who compulsively lie to their wives.
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When I was 10 years old, I realized my mother was a compulsive liar. It tore my family apart and ruined my relationship with her. She even went so far as to alienate me against my own father, so I lied about him in court saying he abused me. Luckily, my dad realized what was going on and fought for my custody. Right now, my mom is past the point of no return. She lives in denial of how she's hurt our family and still uses me to get what she wants. But compulsive liars do suffer in their self-deception. She is homeless, car-less, and doesn't have a job or family to be with. Because she is my mother, I will always love her, but It's hard. Although I could go on forever describing how her lying has impacted me in various ways, I have discovered today that I am a compulsive liar too. I am 18 years old, and I have compulsively lied to my boyfriend since I met him. He has been trying to help me realize this for the last two months and only today did I TRULY realize what I'm doing. I have promised the both of us, that I will do my best to work on this. He has promised (despite his extreme heartache and feeling of betrayal) that he will try to build our trust once again. I would like to ask for advice from all of you who have been hurt by compulsive liars like my mother, and myself. If you have anything to say, or ask, let me know. report abuse
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written by Elizabeth in MS , 22 June, 2009
My husband is a compulsive liar. We dated for over a year before we got married, and yeah, I caught him in a lie a time or two while dating, but I really did not see just how serious the problem was until after marriage. I guess I was still looking through rose-colored glasses, as my mom would say. Anyway, less than a year into our marriage, I realized he can look you straight in the eyes and lie like a dog, and the scary part is this - HE believes all the lies he tells. He has made up stupid stuff and he has made up elaborate lies. Usually, but not always, it is about money. I see that is the case with a lot of pathological liars.
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As far as I know, he has never cheated on me. But if I ever had good reason to suspision that he had.... I couldn't believe him if he told me he hadn't. When presented with proof of his lies, he still denies lying. When he does own up to his lie, which most recently was just this evening, he admits no guilt, no sorrow, no wrong-doing. Just 'yeah, I lied'... and no acknowledgment whatsoever that he is sorry for having caused heartache. I love this man. We have a beautiful daughter, a beautiful home, a nice life - outside of these sporadic bouts of lies. I walk around sad while he walks around laughing and smiling. He either can't see, or doesn't care, what this is doing to me. So eleven years into marriage, I am thinking of leaving my husband. It's not something I haven't thought about before - I cannot stand a liar, and knowing that I married one tears me up. I honestly do not think there is any cure for this disease of the mouth that compulsive liars seem to have. I cannot fix him. No amount of crying, begging, loving, praying, etc.... he has to decide to stop lying. What will cause him to do that? To stop lying? Would losing me work? No, I really don't think so. He believes too many of his own lies. I love this man, but one day I'll love myself more and walk out of his life. report abuse
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written by cindygirl125 , 12 July, 2009
God i can so relate to all of you here! I'm just divorcing a serial cheat & pathological liar. My heads a mess & i need some counseling to move on in life. Over 18 years of abuse from my husband and now i'm an empty shell. He used painkillers as drugs, alcohol as an excuse to hit me, lies to cover his long term affair. Why did i stay so long?
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written by Long nights , 01 August, 2009
I am on the computer now looking for cures to a horrible disease called compulsive liars. My husband of 3 years and one child (our own) has lied from day one. He has destroyed my relationship with his family, my step daughter and he is teaching my children to lie. I get sick just thinking about it, I can't eat, sleep, work or barely function because this man has broken me. I do not love him anymore and respect for him ran out the door years ago. I cannot afford to move and he won't leave - I just wish HE would file the divorce so that I can move. I honestly do not know this man and wish I had never met him. I do not hate anyone, but he comes an inch away from that feeling. I too live with a compulsive liar who talks trash behind my back to his family members on a monthly basis and they all hate me due to his lies. He is pitiful!
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written by Lost and Lonely , 05 September, 2009
I can relate to those of you who said you married someone who you thought was someone else. My husband lied to me from the start about who he was and made endless promises to me, none of which he could keep. I ended the relationship and foolishly came back for more, later to get married. I found out eleven months into the marriage that he had lied to me about something that was a big deal to me (and he knew it; hence, the lie). I had confronted him on the subject many times but always (stupidly) trusted him in his lies and excuses despite what I thought was evidence, discarded by him.
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This went on until one day when we were married almost a year (we'd been together for five years prior to that) and finally the proof was so evident that he couldn't deny it anymore. Even admitting it, he would still try to hide it. I found that I couldn't be happy until I accepted it, which now makes me a liar - to myself. It repulses me, and he has no desire to change. I now catch him in smaller lies because I can't trust him anymore. I think about leaving him frequently, but I was raised against divorce, and sadly, I DO still love him in my foolish way. It's a completely sacrificial love, though, on my part, as I am lonelier in this marriage than I ever was. The man I thought I was with DOESN'T EXIST, and I've been in this marriage for almost four years now. I want to have kids, but I don't want to have them with him. He doesn't seem to want them anyway (despite what he used to tell me), and I am afraid that if we make that step there is no way out for me. I am so lost and confused and don't know where to go. report abuse
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written by I Know Better , 27 September, 2009
First of all, Lost and Lonely do not..I repeat DO NOT have kids with him. I have been in the same position and I did have kids with the liar. Yes I love my kids but No I should not have had them with him. I knew better and you know better too. You will be okay in fact better off without him. It will be hard at first but do it. You matter!
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The liars are all master manipulators so we should not feel guilty for their lies. This is a great site 8 ways to spot a manipulator. http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/emotional_manipulation.htm As for me yes I am still with the LIAR. Three kids, 20 years and no job later..Yup I'm still here, but not for long. Honestly I don't think I could stand my self if it were one more year of lies. I love me more than any partner and when I am with a liar I don't like me very much. I have left a few times and I always came back. Why? Lazy, finances, kids and loneliness. This time I have a plan. 1. Expect him to attempt to manipulate me. Avoid contact except regarding our children. Get a mediator if needed. 2. File for divorce right away 3. Expect to miss him and possibly be lonely from time to time. Being alone is not always bad if you like yourself again. 4. Money may be a challenge but I know I will be okay. 5. I know it is not my fault for believing in my husband. 6. Heal enough to have a healthy relationship. 7. No matter what if I am in another relationship and I see the signs of manipulation and lies BOLT! We all can do better and yes we matter! report abuse
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written by numb and empty , 29 September, 2009
I think I am married to a compulsive liar. Some of what is posted here sounds familiar. My husband and I have been married for a year, together for five years, and he has lied the entire time. At first I thought it was only to other people, not to me. He would lie to get out of uncomfortable social situations. actually picking up the phone and talking to someone who wasn't there so we could have an excuse to leave, and similar stuff. Or saying that we were on our way in the car, when we hadn't left yet. seemed harmless to me. bothered me, but I told him he shouldn't lie so much, and he seemed to stop doing it as much. Then a few months after we got married he confided in me that a huge portion of his past was a made up story. he exagerated situations, or just plain created them, and told it to everyone. From the time he was about 15 to now. He started telling me about his lies, and it seemed to help strengthen our relationship for him to be able to finally come clean with me. I felt like he was growing. But I have caught him in lies to me. small lies, big lies. The constant factor seems to be the girls. He always is getting crushes on girls at work, or inappropriate closeness. He seems to come clean about them before anything really happens, although this last time was just about at the line of physical cheating. He cries and tells me that I deserve someone better, and that he doesn't know how to change. He is thinking about us splitting up, and I'm thinking that maybe I should let him leave...
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I just don't know what to do, because I love him. He has often come clean about the lies on his own, so it feels like it can get better, but at this point he has lied so many times blatantly to my face even when I have evidence, that I just don't feel like I can trust a thing that he says. How do you build trust when there feels like nothing to build on? I'm only 27. I don't want to live in this for the rest of my life, but I had such high hopes for my marriage. I feel like a failure. I feel so stupid. And I hate the fact that it hurts so much to think of my life without him. report abuse
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written by LP , 02 October, 2009
It seems alot of people are sailing in the same boat - me too married (6yrs)to a liar. HARD WORK! for the first 4 yrs, having to put up with him saying he's off to work & then find out he's a sleep at home, to signing my cheque book, to giving him money to pay bills, which never happened as he lost the receipt, the shop never gave him a receipt, to saying he has put the car in a garage, when infact he has sold it..., the list goes on. But I moved back home and he went to his parents, we both needed a break, and i needed time to sort my head out, after a lot of pain, tears I've realized, do i really want to stay in a marriage that has run its course. I feel that I have let myself down in not making my marriage work out, but honestly, it scares.. i can't go back in that situation where i have no control over. I think what i'm saying is i want a stable, dependable safe marriage. He says he is sorry, (about a million times now), but does he really mean it?, do liars "see the light", or are we blinded by our commitments to put up with it?
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Apart from that I also found out that he had been texting other women...., i can't seem to forget & forgive, i suppose for me it was the cherry on the top! He says that what he did was in the past, and i should forget. Does he not realize just how painful it is to find out that the person you love has betrayed you! He is now saying that I am stubborn to give our marriage another chance, hell I am!, why should i have to put up with it, him & his lies can live happily ever after!. I have on many times said see a counselor, but no because there is no such thing, he does not have a problem, everyone else does. It is hard to understand a liar, the lies hurt, little ones and big ones, the blackmailing, cheap threats, the mind games, the desperate situations that you find yourself in. it's not right on many levels so why put up with it? don't get me wrong i love him, but, I think my answer is simple - I love myself & my sanity more that i love him. report abuse
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written by ajk , 23 October, 2009
Reading the stories here makes me hurt bc i am in the same situation. My husband lies to me and tells me all the time that he is not lying. I have caught him in some major lies in our relationship - all with good proof that he is lying, and he will only admit to a few things. He sticks to his guns even when it is completely obvious he is lying. I dont know what to do, he makes me feel crazy and then tells me he is sick of me looking over his shoulder. (I wouldn't have to if I didn't have to hunt for the truth!!). We have been married for almost 5 years and I love him but I dont think I can see myself putting up with this 20 years from now. He hurts me when he lies and I just want someone I can trust and feel confident in. After he was caught a few times he swore he wouldn't lie anymore, but I know he still does. He lies to everyone; I have seen him lie to his mom, dad, boss, friends... I try to let the "little ones" go but I'm starting to wonder why I do...I dont lie to him and I feel like I deserve better. If this is the way he is, then maybe "we" shouldn't be. I don't know what to do. We have a 16 month old daughter and I don't want to tell her someday that I left daddy because he lied to me all the time. How will she trust him? I don't want to hurt their relationship. I hate this.
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written by G Smith , 30 October, 2009
As I read all the comments I fault myself staying in my 13 years relationship. We have two kids together, and I just went through a miscarriage last year in Sept. He walked out on me in the hospital and never look back. When I got home he thought everything was normal. I put up with all his lies, but this I could not get over. Now he is living with his mother. She is a liar as well. I wonder do they play those games on each other. All these years I’ve been living with a stranger. I started noticing that he was different around other people when he was with me. He would talk more then I wasn’t around. When he is around me or my family he would be very quiet. Every now and then he would talk. I think he is not only a liar, but a evil man. I tried going back to church because moving to a new city was kind of hard, he stop me from doing that. Then after we had broken up he started going to church faithfully. I asked him why he was mad at me for going and he answer that he was jealous. I too is living with a stranger. I still spend time with him, but the feelings are not the same. I think am slowly getting over him. I hope so because I am tired of my heart being broken.
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written by Married to a compulsive liar...thinking of leaving , 03 November, 2009
All I can say is WOW! I thought I was alone... Well, in my circle of friends and family, I am alone... When I try to tell them what my husband does and says, they don't believe me, or if they do, they can't wrap their mind around it. For the past 3 weeks my husband has carried on the same lie without me finding out the truth, which after 10 years is hard to do anymore since I know all of his quirks. But today I found out the truth. This one lie on top of the thousand others he has told has put me over the edge. I want to leave, I want a normal life back. The only problem is that he is in the US Army, and I am a stay at home mother of 4 children. I am stuck with no money, and no where to go...
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written by Adam Arts , 10 November, 2009
Yes I am a compulsive cheating liar. I have tried to change by going to a counselor. But they do not work as I end up lying to their face too. Sometimes I do not even go though I let my fiance believe I go regularly. I think I get a kick out of lying though as it is the only thing I am good at. Plus, my mother taught me really well so it is almost like a family tradition.
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written by LP , 11 November, 2009
Hi Adam Arts,
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Do you really see a happy future with your fiance?, cos if you carry on lying, you are hurting the people you care about, also by saying your mum taught you well...- that's just terrible, it's not something to be proud of, instead you should try not to follow tradition. Be yourself, be a person people look up to, not down at. Stop lying - is it really worth it? Take a step back, look around you..., are your parents happy, is your mum not always worried someone will find out about the lies. Are you happy, don't you want to live a guilt free life? Adam Arts I don't think that lying is the only thing you are good at, you might think that now as no one has found out about the lies, but when it happens, It will not be pretty at all. I also feel that if you want a future with your fiance - please change your ways, you never know, you might be a very good husband, father & friend. I hope what I've said does not offend you in anyway, but makes you realize that you can change if you want to, just don't make excuses to why you can't change , you will only be fooling yourself. I wish you all the best. report abuse
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written by addy , 06 December, 2009
wow. i can relate to all of the above. seems all our liars were liars before we married them, they all seem charming and wonderful. everyone absolutely loves my husband but my life has been a nightmare. married 23 years to a liar, alcoholic, sex addict, arrogant, entitled and the list goes on. i also took him back many times because of his tears and seemingly real change for a short time and all his promises. once in the door the nightmare continues. i have lost my insanity many times. i am a born again believer and thru years of prayer and fasting and faith i believed God would save my husband who says he is a christian but now i think i see where Jesus did deliver me by getting rid of him often. i am the fool that kept taking him back. what gives me the most insanity is after 23 years of so much destruction he hasn't the foggiest clue why i don't trust him or like him, why i hate being home, etc. he rages and refuses to accept my feelings and denies he has any issues. is that narcissistic or what? i met him when i was 25, i'm now 50 (can't believe it). like many others i feel i have totally wasted my youth, my life. i want out so bad it is depressing me but i am flat broke, both of our families are more for him then me, to my shock even my own family. i have lost so much by staying with this person. i do believe if someone truly comes to Christ they can change but as for me my 20 years of prayer hasn't seemed to make that much of a difference. i love the Lord but now i must pray for myself and figure a way out of this dread. if anyone is newly in this type of situation, with a liar, please listen to all of us. don't get married, get out while you h ave life and energy. yes it will hurt but it will hurt alot more the longer you stay. they will suck your soul right from you. you eventually get to a place you can barely function. it's a horrible, horrible, horrible nightmare. respect yourself and leave, remembering Lots wife, "don't look back". these people no matter how loving they "seem" and perhaps are, still operate under demonic forces who seek to destroy you. so far i have not read of one incident where someone reported a spouse actually changing. the statistics are'nt good. take heed to your heart, your soul, your sanity. my prayers are with you all, the survivors as well as the evil-doers.
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written by Lela Bell , 05 January, 2010
All I can say is WOW! Like many of these comments,I'm not alone in this! I'm even dealing with the family that doesn't believe me;I've worn myself completely out talking and want out. I don't sleep,my skin is covered in acne,and it's NEVER been like that
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I'm stuck until my elbow is healed, which has taken nearly 2 years already{need a job to escape}.I just wish he could change,but he's actually regressing at his point.OMG report abuse
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written by KA , 20 January, 2010
I too am married to a compulsive liar,there are too many lies to even discuss. Just like everyone else here, he lied the very first time I met him 31 years ago and the lieing has not stopped. I just uncovered several text messages from a former lover. When confronted he swear he was not dealing with her. Well I did some Elin Woods investigating and peeped in the cell phone and guess what I found her number. I told him if I ever found out again he was cheating, game over. I am looking for an apartment and will leave him in the next 60 days. I have 2 adults sons, one of which I have pleaded to not tell lies, but I guess it is hereditary. I just believe I deserve more and I do not want anymore of his drama. I know this is going to be painful but it is necessary. I have prepared a 2 page letter I am going to leave him along with the evidence attached. I am taking back my life --- I have earning power,I am smart and I am ready to do this. I understand being a compulsive liar is who he is and who he will always be. He watched his father lie to his mother for years while fathering an entire family that he never claimed. Yes it is hereditary.
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written by Same thing!!! , 01 February, 2010
My husband and I have been married for 6 years and apparently he has lied to me from day one. We have two boys that love him so much, but I am so tired and can not take this anymore. I have tried everything I possibly could but nothing has worked. People tell me he has cheated on my , but of course when I confront him about it he gets defensive and always has an excuse. I have always known in the back of my mind about the lies, but have chosen to overlook them just I could keep the peace. I have told him I want a separation, but he says its because I just dont want to be with him anymore. He does not think he has ever done wrong. The scary thing is his mom is just like him. Their personalities are identical. I just dont want my boys to turn out like him. Please any info would help.
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written by rosie 362b , 09 February, 2010
This site is incredible... everything i have been through is on here. God i really did believe somehow that i was to blame for his lies. Imagine like many other women, i'm intelligent, kind hearted and true to my word...can't stand lies. Did they hand pick us or what?
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I am in this relationship 12 years,married 10 but kicked him out 9 months ago, after supporting him for 3 years in building a buisness for him to lose t all through bad decisions.. he cutme out ,would not listen to my opinions/suggestions etc..what would i know after all!We are now in huge debt because of it. i had debated getting back with him and we discussed wiping the slate clean, put all cards oon the table...but then ifound out that he had received 3000euro in back payments for social welfare and didn't give me any of it even though i have 3 children under 11yrs. this was discovered last week and i have decided to draw a close on the marriage. Even after everything i still feel drawn to him...maybe ot of pity or guilt, i'm not sure which one, bt i now know i to need to have a life and cannot live in this No Mans land any longer. I am heart broken for the kids because he has moved 140 miles away and access with him is every two weeks at best...it huirts like hell buti know that over time the pain and guilt i feel will ease. I am more confident now having read all experiences to realise that this is NOT my fault and that it is NOT ME breaking up the family home but the man for whom i still love...and why oh why? i will be financially ruined after this but i will be wealthy in my state of mind and therefor my childen will be happier too eventually....keep being strong all of you and thank you for making me see that i was not going mad but was being manipulated for years into thinking and responding to a very sick and devious compulsiv liar. better days are just a breath away... Amen to that!!!!!!!!!! report abuse
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written by LKA , 13 February, 2010
I have been married to my husband for 6 months and i've doubted our marriage since the beginning. 3 weeks before we got married he told me that he had been lying to me for months he had been stealing and might be arrested if they were going to press charges. He said he wanted to tell me because he didn't want me to find out by anyone else. Thankfully they didn't press charges but i almost called off the wedding if it wasnt for my brother-in-law (who was living with us at the time) talked me back into it. I have questioned him about it numerous times but he just keeps saying that he didn't think he was lying to me. I can't trust him and wonder where he is at all times even when hes at work. I hate knowing that when that big lie came out i was actually thinking about how good he was doing and that maybe i could start trusting him again. So it scares me now thinking what if he is doing something right now that will hurt me that he doesnt think is lying. We separated about a week ago but that lasted all of 3 days and i gave in cause i missed him so much. I know i should leave i dont want to spend the rest of my life wondering if hes lying. He says that he is going to get help but hes not trying and i cant force him. I've been reading all of these and most of them end with divorce is there really no hope for my husband or is divorce the only answer?
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written by Hopeless... , 22 February, 2010
I am so happy to have found this website! I didn't realize the seriousness of my husband's problem until reading all of the comments here.
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A year ago, I caught him having internet relationships with a LARGE number of women, all of which he had lied to in one way or another. I confronted him, and of course, he lied about it....I got 6 or 7 versions of the truth before he finally came clean with me, at least so I thought....We went to marriage counseling for awhile, but he said he didn't like the guy and told me he would see a Chaplain on his own (He's in the Navy). He would come home and tell me about his sessions, which I have just recently discovered was a complete fabrication. I was supposed to be at a sleep study this past Saturday night, but I was sent home because I wasn't sleeping. When I got home, he wasn't here, and when I called him to find out where he was, he said "What do you mean? Where do you think? I'm at home." When I told him that I was at home and knew he wasn't there, he told me he was right up the road and would be back soon. I didn't give him a chance to come up with another lie. I just left as quickly as I could. Yesterday he gave me a different version of his story, which I still do not believe. I logged in to our bank account and found out he had been lying to me...big time....about our finances. He then proceeds to tell me that he took out a credit card IN MY NAME in November and has run up a $3000 balance. When I asked him what he used it for, he wouldn't say, and I have no idea how to find out. I finally told him yesterday that he needed to tell the truth or leave, and he packed his things and left. I don't know if he'll be back, but I'm not sure what to do if he tries. I was raised to believe that marriage is forever and I should do everything in my power to make it work....But how do you do that when you are married to someone you don't even know!!! Last year when he was cheating on me, he convinced me to quit my job and take a lower-paying one so that I could be home with him more - so that it would be "easier" for him to be faithful to me. I now can't afford to live on my own, my parents won't "help me" divorce my husband, and I have nowhere to go. I'm only 24 years old (was married at 20), and I know that I am still young enough to get my life back, but I don't have money for a security deposit to rent a place, and I have 3 dogs and a cat to think about. I can't afford the mortgage to our house, and we have a VA loan, so I wouldn't be able to stay unless he was on the mortgage also. If anyone has any advice about HOW to get away from a pathological liar, I would really appreciate it!!! report abuse
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written by IfeelSoAlone , 25 February, 2010
I cannot believe I have found this site, how fortunate! I met my Husband 2 years ago and we married at the beginning of last year (2009) When we met he told me all different things about his past, some didnt add up. I should've stopped the relationship there I guess but I wondered if it was just me being paranoid. He doesn't know that I know about all of his lies, his friends actually warned me of his compulsive lying before we got married but I foolishly thought he would stop once he felt more secure! He even told me he had a twin brother who died (I asked his family about this and they told me it wasn't him who had the twin it was his brother! Again I haven't mentioned this to him) There are many lies he has told from being in the Army to being a Cage-fighter and body builder (none of his friends can back up his stories) I am totally at a loss. I have a 9 year old son from a previous relationship who is getting increasingly frustrated as my Husband will tell me something my son has said but word it differently, my son will swear blind he hasn't said what my Husband is saying but my Husbnad has a way of turning it around or changing the subject ever so slightly so the lie is then lost in conversation. I love my Husband very much, he is a good man, but I also love my Son and I am beginning to feel we would be better off on our own. My Husband and I have recently had a baby and I'm scared to death that our new Son will receive the same treatment as my 9yr old. I dont know what to do. The lies he has told (and continuing to tell) are so pointless and silly that sometimes I feel he must think I'm a total idiot. I feel like a total idiot. Any advice would be appreciated. Do I confront him about all that I know? I dont want to hurt him or embarrass him but I also need to put my children and myself 1st. Help?
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written by Oncealiealwaysalie , 26 February, 2010
Hi everyone. Just wanted to post a comment. I know the feeling. I was briefly married to a liar. A little over a year. Of course I was always one step ahead of his lies and that would irritate him and make him defensive and always leaving him room to provoke an argument with me. It always looked like I started the argument of course. Anyway, I suspected he was cheating on me and of course, he said he wasn't but when I asked to look at his emails and phone records... well, you can imagine the response I got. I was too emotional... too angry... to whatever. Bottom line was he wasn't showing me. Anyway, I filed for divorce and left my JOB because I listened to him tell me during the process that he would get help and we would work things out, etc. Long story short, I dropped the divorce and he divorced me. It has been over a year and I did not only loose my job because I "trusted" him, I am in debt and I actually have talked to him and believe him once again that he "loved" me. So I gave him another chance and sure enough he lied again. I was "engaged" to him again... but he lied and said he could not marry me again because I plunder through his things and how I act. Well, come to find out, he has been married 3 times prior to me. He only told me he had been married once... but the other two didn't count according to him because they were annulled by the Catholic Church. No offense to the Catholic Church... but come on... how do you give a liar 2 annulments and how does he think that those were not actual marriages? All of this has caused a lot of pain and embarrassment and a lot of wasted time. I pride myself being a good, loyal, compassionate and forgiving person but this is a lot to get over. I hope I will be able to trust again in the future. I am only 37 years old... he was 11 years older. Just be careful if it doesn't feel right or add up it probably him lying again. I personally do not feel liars will change. And I hope what goes around comes around for this guy that lied to me.
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written by renebelle , 16 March, 2010
I have been in a relationship with a man for a year and have decided that he is a compulsive liar. I have done research into this to make sure I am right about him. He has asked me to marry him. He said he is going to get a big settlement from an auto accident, then we will get married. I have left him several times in the past year and have told him I will not move back in with him. I told him if he gets us a house in the country close to my church then I will consider marrying him. I know if we get married I will never be able to trust him. I will keep my own bank account separate from his and not sign any legal papers with him. I own some property but before I get married to him, I will turn it all over to my daughter to keep it safe from him and his family. I am not in any hurry to get married, but he is. I will just wait and see what he can, and if he can, really produce. He is 72 and I am 56.
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written by Confused, hurt and laking belief in myself , 26 April, 2010
I too was married to a compulsive liar who is also narcissistic. I met her at 16 years of age and we separated 2 years ago. The positive thing about it, is it has made me more aware than ever how important honesty is to me. The problem with this is that I keep on attracting dishonest women, time and time again.
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written by WSilliam , 18 May, 2010
What is it about women that makes them stay with proven compulsive liars? Is it a form of sociopathic behavior in itself? I know a woman that's with a liar and proven cheat and won't leave him. Saying he is "changing" or at least "trying". He isn't at all. Why do women stay with such men when there are single honest men with integrity available? They know it's ruining their lives but they rationalize doing so. I don't get it.
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written by Jan Jan , 29 May, 2010
Most people are aware that the individual they are with is a liar before marriage. If they lie about the little things they will lie about everything. "Out of the mouth spews forth the abundance of the heart." Don't buy into a marriage relationship when you have caught your sweetie lying - it won't get better with time, they just become better liars. I feel this is the best course of action to take. Lying is abuse and ultimately will influence any future relationships you may encounter negatively. Think long and hard on it and remember the story of the little boy who cried Wolf Wolf - ask yourself is this really what you want in life, to have the rug pulled out from under you constantly? Is anyone worth taking your peace away?
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written by distraut , 10 June, 2010
I have a husband who has lied from the start 15 years LONG. Just recently he had our daughter take off 10 days of work( whom she lives with us and has a 31/2 year old grandson of ours) and also our 2 teenagers from school had a planned vacation for 4 months the morning of getting everyone up at 4am for the limo I noticed he was gone My heart sank sure enough he was out trying to commit suicide was brought into a hospital had his stomach pumped, As my children and I wept the entire day . He came home 3 days later claiming to be a new man well not so, he forged his mom name on 3 consecutive checks for my car loan putting the car towards a second repo. HELP IAM AT A LOSS I CANNOT STAND HIM ANYMORE.
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written by kulit , 14 June, 2010
All I can say is that.... I'm not alone....This time I ended it upon reading some of your story. I'm quitting...
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written by Mrs. Wronged , 21 June, 2010
I can relate more than you know. It begins with isolation, he isolates you from everyone you love and know so that all of his 'stories' cannot be shared thereby being deemed too far fetched from someone on the outside looking in. Secondly, he apologizes only when the lie is staring him in the face. Printed, photographed, voice recorded etc...if there isn't that kind of concrete proof, he will lie to he death. I am sick of thinking I am losing my mind, that there is something wrong with me. I have believed this man was a secret agent for a major banking corporation, that poetry, written for him by other women with whom he has had affairs, was re-written for me. He is suave, he is convincing, he can be tender yet violent. I never know who he is, what he is yet always hope things will get better. We have been together 5 years, married for 6 months. Because of this man, I have lost total communication with my oldest 5 children, I alone work to support our family, and look in the mirror at the remains of what was once a strong, vital woman. I hate him and love him at the same time. But who is he really? Is he he liar or the man that wants to be better but simply cannot? Am I going to lose the most vital years of my life waiting for him to figure it out? I promised I would never be divorced again but I really do not think there is any other choice. It's all just so very sad.
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written by Betshy Sanchez , 27 July, 2010
Hi Guys, After reading some of your stories, I've seen the same pattern I see in my husband.
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what I want to say is the following: Is it possible to help them? YES, How? Seek professional help. Dont try to fix it yourselves. How can you help the therapies? By not confronting him. Confrontation means "trouble" for them and its scary. Let them know you know the truth, but be more tolerant, remember the problem is in his head, maybe something to do with his childhood. Dont take it personally. I suffer a lot. Many pain, still, I am here, strong. Can people change? Yes, they can. I trust God will make him change, just like I myself changed Encourage them,motivate them,congratulate them when they say the truth, let them know you love the real person in them,that they are really special even without the made-up stories. All this is important. Remember, he does not do it to hurt you, lets be tolerant and forgiving, and he will change.  Big hug for everyone who's going through this. You are not Alone, God exists, and people going through the same situation exists. report abuse
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written by Miss Muffet , 07 August, 2010
Flipping the Script
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Blind faith and bad timing got me to where I'm at today -in a 2 year relationship with a habitual liar who is the father of my youngest child (10 mos!). I was divorced 9 years when I met my boyfriend at work. He is the director of finance at his company and seemed to be stable. I thought being in the position he was at work that he had to have his stuff together. I fell head over heels and stupidly got in over my head with lightening speed. I mean I had been divorced NINE years and had navigated the dating (creep) minefield that's out there. I avoided getting seriously involved with anyone thinking that it was better to be safe than sorry. Well, five months into being pregnant, I find out my boyfriend is still married and had only been separated for 8 months before we met, his house was in foreclosure, and he was had 30-40k in credit card debt (I still don't know the actual figure to this day. He was busy chasing his wife around trying to please her behind the scenes, offering to pay her bills, putting up with her verbal abuse and blame laying (according to him she cheated and ran off with her boyfriend when their baby was 5 months old). My entire relationship with him has been one lie after another. We've been separated for 2 months now -he left and moved in with his mom leaving me to essentially raise our daughter- because I am ANGRY all the time! He says he wants to work it out, but I have to let the past go!! I have felt guilty about being angry all the time and acting out because of frustration, humiliation, hurt and yes anger. But now, 2 months later I've begun to question his flipping the script on the situation. The lies NEVER stopped with him. And with that there has been a mountain of disregard, lack of consideration and respect and I'm suppose to be happy??! He is now taking the position of being offended and wronged!! I'm bitter according to him! Damn right!! I am bitter that he LIED to get me into the relationship and then to have our baby. If I had known the truth, I would have run in the other direction at the speed of light! I've been killing myself trying to find a way to make this work with him, but my mind and feelings won't let me let things go...is that wrong? How can I love someone who basically deceived me into being with him? God help me. report abuse
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written by yvette30 , 15 August, 2010
Like everyone on this website, I'm glad to hear i am not alone. I have been married to a compulsive liar and alcoholic for less than one year, been together for almost three and have a 2 year old daughter.
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When I was 7 months pregnant my husband and moved back to the states from Europe (we are both European and had been living in the states for years). It was a wild step, without family and for me without friends (i had lived in CA, we moved to FL). He promised me to introduce me to all his friends with baby's, get a job, file for my green card etc. Instead of working to get our live together,i started drinking heavily, using all kinds of painkillers, gamble (with my money) and lie about everything. When I confront him he makes it sound like it's my problem and at the end i leave with a feeling of guilt. His parents are more than aware of his problems but unfortunately live in Europe. After he lost his mind, got really drunk and hit me his parents send an interventionist. He lied to him and nothing worked or happened. He does not work cause he keeps loosing his job, so now I am the only or working and since I don't have any work history here yet i started entry level... I am only 30 years old and don't want this live. I wanted to live the American dream, not the American nightmare. I really want to divorce him and trying to get help from my family but our daughter is American so he has to agree that I am taking her with me. I am crying everyday, I am totally cut of because of all this and feel completely isolated. Any advise would be greatly appreciated thank you!!! report abuse
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written by KrisUK , 19 August, 2010
I have a slightly different situation to most of the posts on here, in that I realized I was gay when I was 10 years old. I am now 35. I never came out to anyone and tried to live through it until I was almost 22. I came to terms with it myself eventually after contemplating suicide several times. Eventually, I met a lad in a very similar position to myself. We became the best of friends, bordering on partners. He has been renting a spare room from me for over 8 years, but is still my best friend in the world. I cant even begin to explain how lonely I had been until I met him. But he is a complete liar. He lies about everything, from money to jobs. He gets through jobs like the rest of us get through hot meals. He hasnt a penny to his name, doesnt own anything, lies about working, sometimes he doesnt even have a job. Once, for 3 months he got dressed for work every day and came back 8 or so hours later saying he had been to work. 3 months passed by til he admitted that he had not been working, in the meantime, running up debts with 'payday loans', none of which have ever been paid back. He owes 10s of thousands to god knows who. I cannot tell you how lonely I feel, its taken me all of my life since the age of 10 to find someone I could be myself with, someone I thought I could trust with my life and then I find that he cant be truthful about anything. I think I feel more alone now than I did before I met him. It is a variation of the same theme as you countless people. I know there is no easy fix. Which makes it a million times harder to deal with. But at least there are no children, making it good .. and also in a selfish way bad, because in my situation, I will never have the joy of having my own family as I had so badly wanted until I finally realized my sexuality prevented me from marrying and living the life I would have loved.
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written by Shell of a person , 21 August, 2010
Like most everyone else, I am almost insane. I waited 8 plus years to marry this guy and then after a domestic violence incident 6 months into the marriage(the 2nd one ever in 8 plus years and the first one I thought was my fault), I find it all out. Our savings (retirement, etc) that we had done without to save was gone. Gambled and partied away. Credit cards maxed out I did not even know were obtained. DUI obtained with another woman in the car. To boot, I was severally hurt in the DV incident and ended up losing my job of many years and almost all my friends. I own my own home and can do nothing as I cannot make the house payment. I filed for Divorce and am out of money and the DV case just keeps getting postponed. I had a prenup and found out that the way it was written made it not valid. It does not end. My child is now very ill and all the emergency money I thought we had is gone with all other options used up as well.
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Until I read all these posts, I thought I was the only one and what a horrible person I was. I have been so depressed and in denial until this very moment. He convinced everyone the DV incident was an accident and convinced me I was horrible to jump to conclusions. Thank you all for sharing as I have let him come back but as soon as I can get back on my feet and get things legally handled, I have to get out. The guilt of the situation was eating me alive until I started reading all these comments. Different situations yet all the same. I hope that each of us can find comfort in some way because they suck every bit of life out of us and if you are like I am, then I dont understand why me as I am a good, down-to-earth person and only wanted to be a simple happy. FYI: Mine travels a lot and that is how he got away with a lot of it. His parents helped. If you cant find the strength for yourself, find it for your loved ones as eventually, they get sick too. report abuse
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written by ahahug1 , 23 August, 2010
The other side...
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I'm 31 and my wife and I are getting divorced. Till yesterday, in spite of multiple warnings from my family and friends all my life, I didn't (want to) believe that I was a pathological liar. I've now snapped into this reality only cos she is actually leaving me. She is not only ashamed of me, but is disgusted with me too. This post reminds me that I have also made up lies about girlfriends I never had. In fact, the only sex I had had before I got married was paid for. I have lived in a fantasy world with little thought or consideration for my wife, let alone anyone. I am telling myself this. Either way (with or without her) I'm going down. At least let her live a normal life, especially now I see how beautiful she is. In fact, people like me will eat his wife's heart out and ask for seconds (I did that, I begged her). I haven't admitted to her that I'm a pathological liar, I realized this myself only a few days back. I'll tell you one more thing, I have no idea what I'm going to actually end up doing (as I'm quite sure she'll resign to a life with me if she found out I have a mental condition). By the way, I read that PL is not a disorder in itself, it's a manifestation, and the treatment/therapy should be for the actual disorder. I've contacted a psychologist today (none of my family friends even suggested I go to one till a few months back when I told them we had serious marital trouble, that's good I was at lying.) I remember feeling so depressed and down and suicidal a few months back, now I feel like it's perfectly normal, it's just a disease. I'm going to get help, but my point is I know I have always felt worthless, done little in my life, didn't ever make my wife feel as good as she is, and all the while believed I have been a great husband. I now fear I've been a bad friend, son, uncle, what not. I suppose I am glad we don't have a kid. Your post makes me understand that there is little chance that my wife will be happy with me. I think I'm a wonderful guy out there to help people, this is what feeds my ego and my fantasy (perhaps this post too). But I realize my marriage has only been a breeding ground for my lies, as it gave me a great shield that I'm a decent person. I have been utterly irresponsible too (health, finance). Finally, take what you want from this comment, I'm a pathological liar. I am realizing I only care for myself, so sorry if I made references, comparisons, etc. I'm really testing myself to see if I can be truthful, at least o a forum where no one knows me. report abuse
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