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written by Guest , 06 September, 2006

I have recently discovered my wife has been lying to me for the past year. She had control of the finances, and for the past year she had not paid one bill. I lost my house and car and now am $30,000 in debt to collectors. She went as far as to stop the mail, so I wouldn??t see any of the collection notices or foreclosure. She made up intricate lies to continue to cover up our financial problems. It all came ahead when her brother told me she worked in a factory plant and not a hospital. She was going to college to be a nurse, and told me she graduated. I love her very much, and would like to seek help. Is it possible to get past such a magnitude of lies and deceit? Does she have a problem with lying or is she just trying to cover her mistakes?

Expert
written by Guest , 06 September, 2006

Compulsive lying can be dangerous to be around not only because it destroys trust. Compulsive lying also prevents the truth from being known - robbing people of the ability to make informed decisions. One good way to determine the extent of the problem you are facing is to weigh the damage that's been done. Small lies can be difficult to deal with, but big lies can destroy lives. Most people tell small lies, but compulsive liars typically lie about a wide range of issues - both trivial and consequential - causing extensive damage to those who place their trust in them.

a lying drinking girl-friend
written by Guest , 08 September, 2006

I have a big problem with my girlfriend. She tells me lies everyday. Some are 'white lies' even if I donâ??t accept the term and tough lies which lead me to lose trust in her. She promised me not to drink daily. But what I see everyday on the webcam that she is always red and tells me that it is due to the temperature of the air. I have a friend living next to her and she tells me that she is constant liar; I donâ??t know what to do. I love her so much abut at the same time I cannot confront her with her lies and my suspicion. By the way she lives away from me and we talk each day thru the net. Can you pls advise me for I am in very need of your help. Should I warn her, should I tell her that I know she lies?

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written by Norman , 13 November, 2006

I too have been the recipient of being insulted and degraded by being lied to. The reason given was that she did not want to hurt me. My God... was that supposed to make me feel better? She is now with another man who is also a pathological liar. I hope that they are very happy together. Look after number 1: yourself. That`s not being selfish, just sensible. Remember it`ll be better to shed a few tears now than to live a lifetime of suspicion and misery. These people care about no one but themselves.

PLEASE HELP! I Am A Compulsive Liar!
written by Pseudonym , 26 November, 2006

Hello everyone!

I am new to this site, and could really use some help.

I am a 33 year-old divorced mom with 2 kids, and I have had a severe problem with compulsive lying for most of my life. Although I could probably venture to guess where it stems from, at this point it is not important to me to understand why. What is important is how to stop.

As a child, lying caused me many problems. As an adult, it has interfered in virtually all of my relationships.

I have never cheated or lied about what most people lie about (i.e.- past relationships; sexual activity; whereabouts; etc.). In fact, my lies are not in any way manipulative or a means to get anything other than maybe respect and admiration that I don't feel I would otherwise receive.

Most of my lies tend to be about my past or who I really am. For example, the kind of relationship I have with my family; my financial stability; etc. I think perhaps I try to create a life for myself that is better than the one I actually have to somehow impress others.

It's sad, really, and I have been overwhelmed with guilt about this for so many years, that it causes me great pain in my life- especially when I consider what a poor example I may be setting for my children, though they don't have any clue now.

I began dating a wonderful man 2 years ago, and ended the relationship after 6 months, rather than confess the truth. About 6 months ago, he and I began dating once again, and not only have I not told him about all of my lies, but I have added to them. Unfortunately, lying is a habit for me. This is not meant as an excuse, but rather an explanation. I want so badly to rid myself of this terrible habit that has destroyed my life.

To complicate matters, I believe I found true love for the very first time in my life. Despite my lying, the relationship is extremely healthy. We have a wonderful friendship caught on fire and I know I can trust this man completely. He has expressed that he loves me very much and wants a future with me, and I am confident that if there is a way to move past these lies, we could be so very happy together.

I would like to find a way to salvage the relationship by confessing my wrongdoings. I know that he will be heartbroken and shocked. I know that he may not be able to forgive me, and that it may very well cost me the relationship. However, without honesty on my part, I am well aware that the relationship is doomed anyway.

Again, my lies are concerning my life- my family, where I come from, my financial stability, education, etc. Though he will be very hurt by the idea, the lies were not intended to be hurtful.

I don't want to lose a chance at happiness with this incredible man that I know is right for me. At the same time, I simply just want to fix myself- regardless of the future of this relationship.

I have known I had a problem for over 20 years, yet this is the first step I have ever taken to ask for help. I assure you, it's an honest one. If there is anyone out there who can offer me some advice, I would be greatly appreciative.

Thank you for your time,
Pseudonym

in response to Pseudonym
written by X , 28 November, 2006

Reading what you wrote struck me: it sounds like it could be me. I don't have any advice or help, since I feel stuck in my lies just like you. I don't lie to cover up things I'm doing, I lie, it seems, to build a better, more admirable past for myself. Other than that, I'm in an incredibly healthy relationship where the love is genuine and I hate myself that I'm dooming this amazing relationship through my lies--lies that, at the beginning, seemed harmless but then, the closer we grew, just started to weigh on me. I am more comfortable telling lies than telling the truth; I guess I have trouble believing that people will accept me and love me the way I really am, so I have to fabricate things in order to have love in my life, of any kind. And every time I tell a lie, I say to myself, "this is the last one, I'm not going to tell any more, I'm done with lying." Every time. And it doesn't work.

I feel like I'm in way over my head, and I don't know how to swim to the surface. I just keep sinking.

And I can't afford therapy. I just feel so stuck.

Pseudonym, I'm with you. I understand you. I need help...

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written by fallgirl , 25 February, 2007

I am the same way, I have never cheated on my husband, just lied about stupid things, so that he would think I was worthy of him. Now I am trapped, and I don't have the resources for counseling. I pray that we all can get through this.

Hurting the people that I Love by Lying
written by D.J. , 21 March, 2007

I was told as a child by my mother, that if my step-dad asked where I got my new clothes, tell him they were given to me. I now have a horrible lying problem that is destroying my life. I'm not blaming my mom. I'm trying to understand where this came from, so I can STOP! This has destroyed 2 marriages and I have no respect left for myself. Please help.

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written by KEVYN , 23 April, 2007

Its so hard to confront the truth about yourself when truth and lies get so mixed up you don't know one from the other. How can there be a cure when everything is so muddy?

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written by Alias , 20 June, 2007

PART ONE:

You know that I found this site as I was searching for the impact that little white lies have on relationships. Most people are privy to telling the odd little white lie in their lives. In a relationship sense though I feel it can be a bad basis for any hope of a relationship with longevity.

I have learned of the impact it can have on the partner. I told a little white lie to defend myself from a statement that to me was implicating I had done something wrong - and in my answer, I embellished on the truth of it a little. I don't know why I did so, it was a trivial matter. But this trivial matter made my partner - who already had trust issues with me in the start, begin to question my integrity and honesty.

It happened after exchanging glances with one of his closest friends where the friend's look was indicating "is [my partner's name] alright? he looks otherwise". No he wasn't alright - he was having a bad night at a get together put on for him. People had been asking me all night what was wrong with him. Though he didn't see all the other things that went on, he only saw us (myself and his friend) glancing at each other a few times, and ever since has made up in his own mind that I was "making eyes" at his friend. He still to this day doesn't believe me when I say I wasn't, and tells me I'm lying blatantly to his face when I deny it. Its an ugly misperception that crops up now and then. But I guess we just have to agree to disagree. I never actually like the friend in question much anyway, but that doesn't seem to matter does it.

I never lie about things normally. not things that matter or are important. If I do its just to avoid the usual tactless comment perhaps when people ask questions where the answers could hurt them - "Am I too fat?" etc. I believe since we all have different perceptions, what is right for one may not be for another. We see different truths. Doesn't make them either right or wrong necessarily, but I think in a relationship there has to be a meeting of the two at some point. It's these differences of perception that began my partners lack of trust in me after all.

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written by Alias , 20 June, 2007

PART TWO:

But who am I to decide what truth to tell or mask - even if I think I am protecting someone? I guess depending on your values and your partners values how much telling even small lies are an issue. In my heart I have always prided myself on my honesty (though I guess I could do some work in that area if I felt the need to embellish the truth on a matter so trivial) and loyalty and the like. I now see how it can affect others though. My partner doesn't feel secure within our relationship, and I can see why.

I disagree with why he has been led to think these things of me, as I would never cheat on him and have no interest in it, and I know in my own heart how truthful I am. To have been accused wrongly of doing things in the past, gets me upset and angry inside, which I guess is part of why I got defensive and said things to protect myself from being wrongly accused. This terrible habit in, fact makes me look like I am covering something up out of guilt - even though this is not what prompts it in the first place. I am so scared of being accused of crap again, sick of having to be made to feel like I have done something when I haven't , so I avert the problem by a little white lie.

This does nothing to make the partner feel any more as if they can believe in you. If there is dishonesty then what basis for a good relationship is there unless your partner is of the same fibbing ilk? not much. It also can make your partner feel less secure about themselves, if they think that you cant even talk with them openly they start to question what it is you truly think of them. Don't you believe in them? Or do you think they are scary?

As hard as it is, the truth is always the best option. If it backfires, at least you know in your heart you were true to yourself and were doing the best to be open and honest. And no one can take that away from you.

I praise the few who wish to start being honest. The world needs more honest people. at least you can be honest with yourself about this too. Some people aren't. My advice to you is to bite the bullet. The longer you leave it the worse outcome it could have. Just be honest. Lay it on the line. you will be surprised at how much easier and lighter you will feel. The burden lifts. You will be a much better person because of it. If they love you they should understand. Let them know how guilty you feel, and that you are honest in other areas, and WHY you did it. Don't leave it open ended else they might question your honesty in other areas. Resolve to be honest and open now and in the future. Explain how you love your partner so much that you felt it the right thing to do - tell them the truth. Maybe Pseudonym, you could explain why you broke it off the first time round. That you do want a future but you want one based on honesty and openness.

I think that no matter how protective we think we are trying to be, it's best not to sugar-coat the truth. It is better to let people, who we love especially, know the truth and then let them decide. I have resolved to do this myself and we'll see how it goes from there. And if all else fails, I will be devastated, but at least I know I did my best, and that is all I can do.

You have to be more self-aware I guess if you are going to separate your own truth from lies. You probably gotta be really harsh with yourself and resolve to be brutally honest with yourself - stopping yourself when you KNOW you are not.

Lying is a bad answer to the truth.

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written by none , 20 September, 2007

Hello I have never done anything like commented on something like this before. I am 28 and finally am in a great relationship were I am so happy, but I find myself lying about little worthless things. My girlfriend has gotten to the point of being very upset when she catches me in a lie. I don't mean anything buy it and they are harmless. It just comes out and I know it is wrong. Any ideas I don't like feeling like this at all and it is not fair for her to deal with either.

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written by caged , 13 January, 2008

My world came crumbling down on me a few days ago. I have been a compulsive liar all my life; creating a whole new persona for myself, educational successes, living a lie. I hated it, and would hate myself every time I heard myself doing it, but it was force of habit. My daughter uncovered my web and exposed it. While I feel a huge weight is lifted from me, and I have been forced back into reality, I have lost the trust and any relationship with my daughter. My lies have caused me to lose everything that is important to me in my life.

But then what do you do, where do you go? I have been reading what people go through living with a compulsive liar and while I do feel for every one of them, the CL is thought of as worse than a leper. We could go into therapy, address the problem, but then what? Nobody trusts us anymore, so we sink back into the fantasy world that gives us comfort. The world where we feel loved, cared for. The world where we are popular, clever and witty. Reality sucks for us.

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written by mathilda , 22 January, 2008

I am married to a compulsive liar - he lies from small to large. It has been a 10 year relationship and really for the last 2-3 years it is just constant. We have an 8 year old son who is wonderful.

My husband is kind but drinks on the sly, and lies about it. In fact there is not one thing he can tell me that I will not question. I have gone so far as to basically lower every expectation I had of him as long as he stops lying to me. But he does not.

There are deeper issues within him that I know of; depression, little or no sex drive, poor self image - he has been to therapy but will stop and lie telling me he is still going. He was on medication 2 times but would stop and lie, telling me he is taking it.

Now he may lose his job of 10 years because he is lying and screwing up there all the time. He also decided that drinking would be acceptable in the middle of work yesterday as well as after, and lied that he was simply tired. He hides things, bills, vodka bottles under beds in duffel bags.

My son loves him, I feel so badly for him, he must be so lonely, but I feel I have done all I can. Any Advice or Comments are Very Welcome.

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written by Peter Nowak , 13 April, 2008

I have too many lies hidden within to deny that this isn't an awesome sight would yet again be a lie. So thanks!

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written by Ken, , 12 June, 2008

I think that everyone on here has a similar story, and would like an answer. Maybe there is no simple answer but someone have some hope!!! I have a similar story to everyone on here, and am just realizing I am a compulsive liar (it sucks). I do not like it. I have had high expectations in my life, and lie to make sure I can please people. Why do we all feel like we have to please people???!!! We don't! It is time that we all be a part of something. It's called healing. I fricken tired of being defensive, of hurting the ones I love. I challenge everyone of us to look at ourselves in the mirror and find something worth being honest for. We all deserve better. Lets stop doing this to ourselves, live the life that we deserve to live. We were not made liars but became liars, and we will all undo what has been done. If anyone wants someone to talk and share with I would love to (I have the most incredible woman depending on it) my email is This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it '> This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Peace and love all,
Ken Stead

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written by AM , 17 August, 2008

I am a compulsive liar, I know it is wrong , but I can't help it. Esp with my ex- we tried to stay friends but every time I lie to him he calls me on it and I back peddle. He said he wants nothing to do with me because he can't trust me. Not that I blame him, I don't get why I can't be honest with him. I don't know what to do, I don't want to be this way.

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written by Possible help! , 07 October, 2008

It's really surprising to hear such great confessions and see how so many people want to be better and stop lying. I use to lye years ago because of my hard life and my past - I use to try and make it sound better. But what I learned is that it's not about who you were or where you came from, it's who you are now. It's only history and history needs to be told whether good or bad.

Now for the others that lie about larger things, I'm not sure if this tactic will work but I was at the point where I had to do something so if you are desperate, I would try it.

This is what helped me to stop lying...everytime I told a lie, I wrote it down in the evening in my journal while in the bed. I asked myself what other comments or conversation could I have made to not tell the lie and then I practiced it. I then wrote a question as to why I told the lie and how it made me feel. I went even further and asked myself why did I have to feel that way. Once I came up with the answer, I found that (like in most cases mentioned) I wanted to seem more than I was. So I stood in the mirror and told myself...this is who I am...I accepted myself (daily). Once I did that consistently (it took a few months) it no longer mattered to me what others felt about me. So you see, a lot of my lies came from self disappointment. I had gotten married, never fulfilled my dreams and I needed to feel successful so to build up myself. I took classes and volunteered holding babies; I found something that made me feel good about myself; I gave back to where when I did brag, it was the truth. This is what I recommend. It may not help everybody but I'm sure it will help someone.

Don't give up!

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written by Kelvin N , 28 October, 2008

It's my 45th birthday today & I was told by my wife that I'm a CL. And I agree with her. I have the tendency to lie just to save myself ... self-preservation as my wife calls it. My lies are to cover up my shortcomings .... mainly re financial matters. I guess I didn't want my wife to think I'm a flop. I NEVER & will never cheat on my wife ... I care for her too much & I'm afraid of the consequences. Do I really need professional help?

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written by HKelly , 19 February, 2009

I need advice. Until recently I was a compulsive drinker, and I lied to my husband often about how much I had been drinking. I hit rock bottom a few days ago, and am now in treatment to stay sober but I don't know how to repair our relationship and rebuild trust, as I don't want him to think I am lying to him anymore.

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written by How do I tell him? , 10 March, 2009

I have got myself into such a bad situation lying....and I went online searching for advice, anything, to figure out what to do.

I have lied about my past just like many people on this site have. I made up elaborate stories about my education, my family background, my nationality.

I have lied for 2 years to a man I love very much--and because he trusts me, he has not idea. Yet.

The problem is, we have a baby together and he wants to get married. I know now that these lies were so wrong and they have clearly caught up with me. I can't marry him without him finding out, not that I would want to. I am tired. I want him to know me, without all these stories. He may know the day-to-day me, and know all the little things that make up my personality, but those big lies about my past are always present. I hate it. I wish I could go back and not say them all.

Now I am so afraid that I will lose him. Of course I will, right? How can I not? I am going to tell him everything--I don't know why I even lied in the first place. I suppose just to make myself seem....better somehow. More interesting. Is it possible for someone to forgive this? I have gone to counseling now, and begun working through things. Is it possible he might forgive all these lies if I am working hard to improve myself, to change myself?

How should I even begin to bring something like this up?

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written by archer0100 , 23 March, 2009

Here is my story. Feb 2008, I met a wonderful person. She asked me if I was married. I said no. She asked me 2 more times, if I was married. All those times, I said NO. At the time, I was flirting with her, no big deal. As the months grew on, we found that we both wanted and ended up saying that we loved each other. Then, this past Jan, I had my out with my wife, she was caught having an affair. My wife had suspicions, but nothing more. I thought it best at that moment to tell her I was still married. She seemed lost at first. Then we made an attempt to move forward. We spent all our free time with one another. Until, I had to explain to her father/brother what had happened. She knew I had to lie, but that seemed to be too much. Three days later, she said that she needed me to leave and not see her anymore. I have begged and tried to show her that the lies I told were able to be overcome.

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written by darkangel76 , 19 May, 2009

my man just ended our relationship because I lied, I don't think I did lie, I put my friend on my cell phone plan(she is female) and I didn't tell him about it because I didn't think that it was any of his concern since it was my plan, I pay for it and it was a deal that was made between myself and my friend, I respect his privacy and I am open with anything that concerns him. So my question is, am I a liar? was he wrong to end our relationship, Or was he just looking for a way out? Please help, I am so confused right now...

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written by Tami Wilson , 09 June, 2009

I need help from anyone out there that could give me some direction. I have been married to a pastor for 27 years and left 1 year ago to gain back what self respect I had left. I lied for years for him about women and money to our leadership of the church. Im strong enough now to come up against him now and see that he is taken out of that pulpit. There are some really good people in the church that he has deceived for years. If someone could tell me what steps to take I would appreciate it.

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written by lying too much , 06 July, 2009

I have the same problem. Life did not turn out the way I expected. I did everything I was supposed to do, pleased my parents in every way, worked hard and then met a man who tortured me psychologically for years. After complete financial and emotional devastation and two children later, I could not come to terms with the outcome. At the beginning of the marriage is when I started lying. I wanted to paint this grand picture that I married the perfect man. Well, over ten years later I am still lying. I tell people we are still together because I feel that others are repelled by divorced women and single moms. I tell some the truth and lie to others in a small community which is so completely stupid because everyone somehow knows everyone and eventually become confused once I am the topic. I do not even know how to fix it by now. One lie leads to another stupid senseless lie and i've become consumed by self hate as a result of my heinous actions. I would like to tell the truth to everyone and not care how they see me, but I feel, that once people know who I really am, they would not like me and I would end up completely alone.

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written by dwp , 17 August, 2009

I too have a problem with compulsive lying. It started when I was a young child. I had a fertile imagination and it seemed all right to do, because it made everybody feel better. It was good back then because I had many friends and people looked up to me.

But then I met the woman who becamse my wife. She valued honesty and I did my best to try and be true to her. I have not cheated on her. I have been faithful but someowhere along the way, I decided I wasn't good enough for her. I also decided I wasn't good enough for my friends. I made up lies to make friends, I lied to my wife about my financial situation.

I think whats get me most is the arrogance that comes with lying. Somewhere along the way, I did something stupid that cost alot of money. I took out many cards in my name and when that thing failed, I spent years lying to her because I didn't want her to think I failed or how badly I screwed up

Now years later, the scope of the lie is finally coming out. She knows the whole truth but most of all she knows that nothing I say can be trusted. She wants me to leave and I cannot blame her. I guess the only thing that I can really say is that I think I leanred something. Lying doesn't build you up nearly as much as a hard truth. I hope I live to see that realization come true

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written by Shelly Jane , 14 September, 2009

I can understand everything on this site. Until 4 years ago I was the most honest straight forward person ever. I simply didn't feel the need to lie or to keep secrets - i had no secrets to keep. Then after years of living with a liar who screwed me up emotionally I met a man at work and the lies began. I lied to my partner to keep the affair secret. I lied to my lover about my intentions for the future as I didn't want to lose him. He was racist and I lied about my own views and my own background just to keep in with him...Finally it ended and the lies also ended - but then we got the chance to get together again and it all started all over only worse because this time he thinks I'm single and he is single and he wants to make a go of it and make it work yet how can I? I am still with my partner though he chose to go and live abroad without me. I still haven't come clean about my background for fear of his reaction although now he is much less extreme - he has moved on and tries to stay away from people he used to associate with. He knows my views now and thinks that is the only reason I can't commit but of course its not that easy. He loves me and I love being loved by him yet he doesn't even know the real me - only the me he sees day to day - which is partly real but based in unreality to an extent I no longer know who I am. Probably the kindest, fairest and only thing to do is to call this a day and accept that I may have lost out on the chance of true love because I was unable to be honest. But it is a vicious circle as I don't want to hurt him just because of my own dishonesty. It is such a hopeless web and I am so tired and disappointed in myself. I want to just come clean and tell him everything but know that would only be saving my own conscience and would destroy him and his trust in women. I have no right to do that, but see no way out as when I try to end it he doesn't understand why because of course I am having to make up a reason that isn't even real. Hate myself. Have destroyed my own life as well as his.

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written by Nadine D. , 18 October, 2009

I am reading this site trying to understand my 22 year old daughters HUGH and bizarre lie.

We has not met this guy she was dating, they ended up moving in together. We had multiple family events-over the six months she had known him, she always showed up alone with a reason he could not come. They live an hour away. In July she came to tell me she was pregnant. I was happy for her- still had not met boyfriend. They had moved in together, etc. They had planned prior to her being pregnant to go to Hawaii to attend his friends wedding- she called and we talked multiple times while they were in Hawaii. One day she called & stated they were getting married on beach & would we pay for wedding. I told her no- since I had not met him. Of course- I did pay for wedding, believing we would meet him upon return.

Once the were back- I requested we all have dinner. She had a reason they could not do this- due to (I now know)was an elaborate lie he had been sent to a job site for upto a year in Southern California.

I then used internet for phone numbers & placed a call to his work & let a message for him to call me, and another message to his mom whom lives in a small town in another state. She called me back- and once we established who we both were- she asked "your not dead?"- WOW what a blow! I then went to daughters apartment, she ended up running out, this was not her usual behavior. A few days later I tried again, this time catching him & her as they were walking out of apartment, he told me to stay away from his wife- and he called the police! Again- she has a large family that loves her- so this is a shock- to say the least.
I have sent a certified letter to his work- that states the truth. I have a feeling he will continue to believe her lies. Prior to me sending letter, my husband & I met with her, she stated she told this guy this lie at beginning of relationship, and did not know why.

I do not know what else I can do. I feel I have lost my daughter. I doubt their marriage can last- but in the mean time- it is devastating.

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written by Big Screw Up , 27 October, 2009

I just realized that I, too, am a compulsive liar. I have been lying since college to cover up my insecurities and failures. I have been suicidal for fear of my husband finding out my lies. For this won't be the first time that he will find them out, and I know this time it will be the deal breaker. We own a business together that I run. When we started this endeavor 3 1/2 years ago, I was very much against it. I have a huge fear of failure and knew that I would fail at this. The store stays on track, but continues to lose money. I keep painting a rosy picture for him to avoid the fallout. Unfortunately, it is taking a very large emotional toil on me. I keep thinking that I can fix this, but I just keep digging a deeper and deeper hole. I keep up the lies to keep up appearances b/c I just can't deal with the thought of failing him yet again. We have been married 7 years and I know that all that is holding this together is our 3 1/2 year old daughter. It devastates me to know that I have failed her. I know sooner or later I am going to have to face the music with him and it is going to get ugly. I tell myself that I tell the lies to protect him, when I know I am only telling them to protect myself. The depression from the circumstances is only intensifying the lying. I want to believe that I can fix this but I am, losing faith.

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written by at the end of my rope , 21 November, 2009

I am a 32 year mother of 4 married for 7 years. I have lied to my husband in the past about money and just recently did it again. I dont know why I do it. Part of it is he hates his job and goes through these spells of depression and I carry the burden of our family. When money is tight I am the one that makes sure things are taken care of and that he can do what he wants. I have a hard time telling him no we dont have the money so I sell things on craigslist or whatnot to get the money. I only lie to him when I goof up and I know it is dumb but I am so afraid of what his state of mind will be. I deal with all the daily things from taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, and I go to school full time. He only works and has fun. I am burnt out and there are times that I forget to put something in the checkbook and I admit that I was wrong. But when he asked me about the account I instantly lied even though I did not want to. His big thing is honesty, even though he is not always honest with me and barely talks about his feelings. I hate this feeling of hatred that radiates from him and he wont even talk or consider that 1) we need help and 2) that he has a problem with depression. I have never been a depressed person but have been a lot lately. I stress all the time about making sure there is gas in the car and food in the house. We dont live beyond our means but one thing that caused a big riff is that he decided he wanted to go to the SEC championship game and it did not matter if we went into huge debt. I have worked so hard to keep up out of debt that I worked some magic and managed to outright purchase the tickets. He does not understand what a hard job it is and there was one time in our marriage that he did the bills and things were terrible. I know I should not have lied to him and I dont want to ruin my marriage but how? I am thinking of finding a counselor this week to go see, but am scared since it will be another expense we can not afford right now. I know I need to learn to tell him no about things( like buying a boat, going out all the time-him not me, and big trips) but when I do I just get a guilt trip about how his job sucks and he does it for our family and deserves to have something for him. I guess I have problems on more than one level, but the main thing I would like advice on is how to overcome the lying to protect him. (or so I think) We have a great marriage other than these little bumps that have happened 4 times in our marriage. I want to change and make this right because I dont think I could live my life without him. Please help.

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written by pathologicalreformer , 02 January, 2010

Your lies have created an alternate world for you. Where you are more attractive, richer, more colorful and much more intelligent than you feel you really are.
The truth about you is much more interesting than you know and not as bad as your low self esteem dictates.
Write down the truth about everything you are insecure enough to lie about..read it and recite it. Tell it to a stranger. Find out that if nothing else you are capable of telling the truth without embellishment and people are still interested or at least polite.
You do not have to be the best at everything. You do not have to be the most important. You do not have to be the best looking. All of the pressures that you are putting on yourself by lying are unrealistic.
Love yourself enough to understand that in life the only things you leave behind are the memories of the people who love you and trust you.

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written by Alberto , 14 January, 2010

hello,

I am new here. I have compulsively lied to my girlfriend of a year and a half. I have just totally destroyed it and now I find myself trying to get it back. It took all my BS for it to come down to this. We have a beautiful daughter together that I absolutely adore.

The lying started from jump. Things started coming out one by one. And then some. My ex girlfriend showed up to my door step after a year because I was still staying with her when I got with my (was) current lady. I was still talking to her about something that she took from me and I admit the conversations were not always about the car she stole from me.

It was my only car so I tried on my own to get it back. This lady was 20YEARS older than me. Then when that happened when I was given the chance to come clean I still lied and for a while, until it just came out one evening. Granted I feel better but at what expense, to something that didn't have to be. People can better deal with things when they know up front.

Then lastly when she is thinking that we have our first child together I tell her 5 months after our daughter is born that I have another child. All of this stem from my past relationship. Even though it is too late for regrets, I find myself hurt beyond belief because I have hurt someone that I truly care and love. She means the world to me and I damaged this relationship with deception.

I feel better that everything is in the open but now I find myself empty and lonely because I hurt the one person that I know GOD sent me who loved and cared and supported me ALL THE TIME. To people who lie it is not WORTH IT. YOU WILL LOOSE EVERYTHING IN THE END.

I would do ANYTHING FOR ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY WITH HER, BUT SHE DOESN'T THINK I AM READY.

I don't want another relationship or anything I just want her. I cry inside all the time and when I see her crying my GOD it hurts me inside. She is such a beautiful woman inside and out. She gave me everything and now she wants me to pack it up and leave. I don't blame her. She has the right not to be treated the way that I did.

DON'T LIE PEOPLE. GET HELP.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QUICKLY.........

I lost the one person I was supposed to be with...

Think twice before you tell your next lie.............

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written by withheld , 15 January, 2010

I have lied and it may well have cost me the most beautiful woman in the whole world....the love of my life. I met her 9 months ago, and when we met she asked if I was married - I said No when in fact I am. My marriage has been wrong for a long time and I want/ wanted to end it but at the right moment to cause least harm to my family. However, the love of my life looms large and I have to lie about my marriage otherwise I will never see this person again (we live in different countrys and the chances of meeting again were pretty slim). My intention was to tell all when I had divorced my wife and see if we could move on from there - but she found out before I had the chance. She is devastated, we are so much in love but I have hurt her so deeply with this huge lie, I hope there is some coming back from this but I really fear that she can just never accept me and my lie back into her life. I have just destroyed the one person in this world that I can ever love - I am dirt....I will never ever get over this....I don't seek sympathy - just please never lie this harrowing tale should be enough to ensure you don't - If you knew how bad I feel right now you would know the short term gain is certainly not worth the long term pain....

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written by Confused, hurt and laking belief in myself , 23 April, 2010

I still to this day have trouble understanding why people lie.

I was married at 22 to a girl I met at 16. The first time she was unfaithful to me was just before our wedding with my best friend. I was silly enough to go through with the wedding and forgiving both the transgressors. The friendship ended when his new girlfriend demanded the end of the friendship and created lies to ensure it's end.

During my marriage, my wife would tell people lies about me to make her look like a victim. She told lies to me about abuse suffered as a child perpetrated by her parents. She would put me down and treat me different in front of others. Needless to say the marriage ended at the age of 34 when she left me for an old school friend. She continues to lie with now three cases of phantom cancer and about her income, affecting my maintenance payments despite the fact I have full-time custody of my oldest son and part-time of my youngest.

Since being single, I have dated many ladies. I have had three relationships of sorts and have just started a fourth. The first lady I had a relationship with developed manipulative behaviour and tried to make me choose between her and my children. It lasted 5 months.

The second lady was the only honest relationship I have had. She was only interested in sex and in the end this played with my head. I really dislike sex for sex's sake.

The third ended in February. I adored this women, however there where small lies in the beginning, such as telling me she was divorced when she was only separated. She told friends that "I was some crazy guy who thinks every women he knows wants to date him." I watched her lie to her parents and she broke her word to me on numerous occasions.This same women told me many times she loved me, had never felt this way before and how important I was to her.

My fear now that I am entering another relationship is not whether this lady is a liar or not, but that my past experiences will cloud my judgment. I have entirely lost my confidence in my judgment in who I allow to come into my heart. I have also lost belief in my past relationships ever really meant anything. I know what they meant to me, but how do I tell what was true or not? I really want it to work out with this new lady, but how do I protect myself while giving love at the same time?