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Snooping and Spying Sometimes I snoop or spy.
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Snooping on my boyfriend and feeling alone |
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Wednesday, 24 December 2008 |
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It's not really a secret, but I have a bad problem snooping and always questioning my boyfriend of a year and a half. Girls get that intuition that something isn't right. And until you find out what that something is, you keep worrying about it. That's the case with me. I had found two different "dating websites" not even really dating websites -- kind of porn. Both I found separate times. But when I confronted him about it he told me I needed to stop snooping that he isn't hiding something and that maybe one of his friends used his email for that. Even though all the information matched his. Like his address and such. The things on the websites were disturbing, like "MILF LOVER" and "I'm fun and blankable" like he was trying to find girls to get with. I had also found out that he was talking to a girl from Texas that he knew over myspace a year before me. Then he had started to talk to her more while we were in our apartment together. I found out over her texting him one night. I waited for a week or two then finally asked him because she told me he was telling her he was going to marry her some day and that he was going to visit her then she was going to live with him, things like that. He told me it wasn't true that she was just some psycho in Texas. He even messaged her, called her and told her to stop lying. Not too long ago I found out cold evidence as he sat next to me. Shocked, he finally admitted it to me. After all it was right in front of our faces. And this was two days after I found messages from a girl around the same time he told the Texas girl these things. And those messages were saying that MAYBE one day he'd be with the girl he was talking to, if she broke up with her boyfriend, and then he was telling her that he was dating the biggest bitch of all, and that the only reason he was with me was our apartment lease. I had been hurt once before. What was I getting myself into? So that night, he had tried so hard to talk to me more about it to apologize. I gave in. I love him so much. He also told me that he went to a strip club instead of the hookah bar a week earlier, that he felt so bad for lying. What more could he be lying about? I had also found gay porn things typed into the BearShare I had once. My roommate said it wasn't him. Which I do believe. Because it was around the same time I found him looking at just porn on my computer which it took him a whole day of him lying and blaming it on our roommate to admit that it was him. Just hasn't admitted to the gay porn stuff. Now he has deleted his myspace. I have deleted mine. And the only thing I have is his email and password. I don't see who he texts. Which bothers me. He used to always delete his texts. And I think he still is. I don't know if he's still lying... But I don't know if I can believe that if some one can lie this many times, and hurt a person this then they can finally stop lying. Is that true? I'm hurt and alone. |
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Full of doubt after reading my husband's e-mail |
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Tuesday, 25 November 2008 |
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My husband and I have been married almost 4 years. About 6 months ago, I saw via the internet history on our home computer that he had been visiting a dating website. I asked him about it and he said it was just out of curiosity. Still, I wanted to know more. I made a lucky guess as to his e-mail passwords (he has 2 different accounts) and discovered a months-long correspondence with a young woman. Nothing "intimate" but worse (in my view) some kind romantic, "mushy" "soul-mate" type of things. That has stopped at this point. But I also discovered that, before we married, he had had an intense relationship with someone who now lives far away (another country, and that they have maintained contact since we got married. He apparently didn't even tell her that he had gotten married until 2 years after the fact. She even asked him to have a child with her. He still emails her and tells her how much he loves her and that he will always love her, and he tells her that his life is miserable and he is living "in agony." And yet, he has always been sweet and attentive and loving with me, telling me how much he loves me. So now I find myself doubting and wondering what is true. |
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Question my boyfriend after snooping |
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Wednesday, 08 October 2008 |
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I was dating this guy for a few months, and everything seemed perfect. He proposed to me, and I accepted. We were in a long-distance relationship, the first time I've ever tried it. I came to visit him and was using his computer, when I found pictures of him posted on myspace, where he was partying and singing karaoke with a girl. He had told me that he gave up this lifestyle because he wanted to settle down with me, but those photos were from two weeks ago. I confronted him about it, and we supposedly resolved it. No more lying, he told me. But just today he left his myspace logged on again, and I was a snoop. I found messages from his ex, saying she's still in love with him, and messages from multiple girls, where he was flirting, and never mentioned that he was in a relationship with someone else. I'm hurt. I know people make mistakes, and I'm wrong to snoop, but what does it take to find a man who will be honest? |
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My husband accidently sent me a text message meant for her |
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Monday, 06 October 2008 |
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I found out that my husband was text-messaging a co-worker when he sent me the text instead of her. He was at work that day and so was she. I wasn't sure why I was getting this strange text message and wrote him back. Within seconds of this text he called me back. I did a little investigating and found out that they have spent a lot of time together. He claims it is nothing. I'm furious but before I do anything else, I am gathering all of the information that I can. I have a friend who is a Private Investigator. He has helped me get her name, address and photo of her. To add insult to injury, she is quite ugly. I also have put in spyware on my home computer. It costs about $50 but was worth the price. I checked all my cell phone bills for strange numbers. Never thought I'd be having to do this kind of stuff as a 40 year-old married woman with 3 sons. |
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I cannot stop snooping on my boyfriend |
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Sunday, 07 September 2008 |
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I cannot trust my boyfriend. On one occasion, I drove secretly at night to his house to see if he was home when he hadn't answered his phone. On another occasion, I created a profile on an online personals service for the sole purpose of checking to see if he was using HIS account on that site. This is unhealthy and I need to learn to trust him. |
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I am obsessed with snooping on my boyfriend |
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Wednesday, 18 June 2008 |
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My boyfriend has a female co-worker friend that he spends time with outside of work. They have worked together for 3 yrs. I was honest an told him it made me a little jealous and that I hoped he would be more open about their relationship and the time they were spending together. Then I found out that a planned vacation with co-workers was only with that one female friend. He lied to me about it, and then said it was because he knew I was jealous and didn't want to make me upset. I don't know if anything happened... he doesn't seem like the type to cheat. After that, I started snooping... I found text messages where they said they love each other. I confronted him. And the issue became me snooping and not the inappropriate content on the messages. He claims they love each other only as best friends. I promised not to snoop anymore... but I just don't trust him. Since then, I read his emails, msn conversations and facebook messages. I try to check his text messages, but since he knows I checked before he always deletes them. Even though I haven't found anything incriminating and I really believe that he didn't cheat on me, I still can't stop snooping. I am obsessed and I don't know what to do. |
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I have been using a nanny cam to spy on my husband |
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Thursday, 05 June 2008 |
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I have been carrying this on my heart for 9 months and haven’t told anyone. Last July my husband started staying up later than I and I would get up around midnight to get a drink or something and he would be in the living room on his laptop computer, when I would walk in he would close it so I got suspicious that he was on a porn website or something like that. Well Sept. 15th he thought I went to bed but I decided to stand outside the window and watch what he was doing on his laptop. He went into a "secure" file and what I saw made my heart sick. He had nude photos of himself and he had pictures of (fully clothed) people that he knew way back in high school and he would put his picture close to them. Weird yes!! He was clearly excited about this. By the way he is 58 years old. When he went to bed I confronted him about this and he felt really bad about it and said he was sorry. I forgave him but I can’t forget. I eventually did forget about it and 6 months later in March of this year my computer broke down so he brought his laptop home from work and let me use it. I play lots of games on there so I downloaded a game and then deleted it so not to mess up his computer then I went into the Recycle Bin and there was a naked picture of my husband that he took the night before and then I went into photoshop and found young girls in bikinis that he likes looking at. I was just frozen because he told me he wouldn’t do that anymore. I waited until Friday after we got home from work, he was going to print out our taxes and when he punched print, it printed out his nude picture and he grabs it real quick and said that’s an old picture. I told him no that I found it and it was dated on the 31st of Aug - a night that I went to bed early. So he lied to me about that. He said once again that he was sorry and I do believe him but once again my heart hurts because I used to trust him so much and now I've lost that trust. I think about that all the time. That’s not the part that I'm hurt over. I still don’t trust him and so I bought hidden nanny cams so that when I do go to bed I can watch to make sure he's not doing that. Well he talks to his brothers wife because his brother has been gone off and on and I don’t mind that but what he does is talks to her about his job (He's a firefighter and Paramedic) and as he is talking to her he is touching himself and is excited about this and I don’t think its her. I really don’t know but this bothers me so bad. I don’t know whether to talk to him or what. It is ruining me! I cry all the time thinking that maybe he wants me to look like her or that he finds her more attractive. I don’t know and I can’t tell anyone. |
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Snooping is ruining my marriage |
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Friday, 09 May 2008 |
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I started snooping on my spouse's cell phone statements and credit card statements when I could catch them before he got them and hid them. I would open the envelope on the side, not the top, and then glue it back together after I looked at it. It has been more hurtful than helpful, but I feel like I need information to make an informed decision about whether or not to leave this marriage. How much am I supposed to endure? When he says he is going to work one day and then a month later I see that he called a stranger's phone number and had a credit card charge at a restaurant on that very day, what am I supposed to do? I keep hoping that the next statement will be "clean" - that I can stop feeling like the fool I obviously am. This spying has become an obsession and it's very unhealthy for me. I guess I should just own up to it and tell him I've got to leave this marriage because I'm turning into someone I despise. It's a twisted, weird, and sick game. The hardest part is trying to figure out how much of this situation evolved from my part. I'm obviously very fearful of conflict, because I avoid confronting him with my findings (I'm also ashamed of myself and don't want to admit that I have sneaked into his mail, although as a married couple I think mail should be open to either one of us.) I've confronted him a couple of times and he went on the offensive and hurt my feelings even worse. I feel like I'm being torn apart into such tiny pieces that I'm virtually dissolved into nothingness. |
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I lack trust in my boyfriend and I'm snooping |
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Monday, 05 May 2008 |
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I don't trust my boyfriend of nearly three years. This may be because we went out before, years ago and it ended badly. We got back together, and a year into it, I found out he lied about having sex with a friend. Now I'm obsessed with catching him. I just found out he bought porn and lied about it. Now I'm just confused and scared, and feel alone. |
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Want to stop spying on my boyfriend |
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Monday, 24 March 2008 |
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I spy on my boyfriend. Keylogged his pc at one point and check his email, facebook, myspace, and personal online journal all the time. I feel bad about it, but at the same time I know why my boyfriend's secretive and flirtatious nature has led me to act this way. I hope I can stop checking and just trust him, even if he isn't being faithful. If it means me doing something I never want to do to any partner, then its not worth it. |
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