I've abused someone or been abused.
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My boyfriend is physically abusive |
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Monday, 06 October 2008 |
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When my boyfriend gets angry (which is a lot) he chokes me or punches my stomach. One time he hit the wall right where my face was just to scare me. I love him a lot and it sucks I am too weak to leave him. We have mutual friends so that makes it a lot harder. I can't express how I feel cause he ignores me and I just don't think anyone cares. I drink till I am drunk and pass out. I like to daydream to forget about my problems. |
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My boyfriend is physically abusive |
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Thursday, 31 July 2008 |
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My live-in boyfriend beat me up on a drunken rampage. One night after a fun night out at a bar my boyfriend beat me up in a hotel room, as well as hitting my best friend (she hid in the bathroom while I got the brunt of it), his older sister, and one of our male friends. The next day he did not remember anything. He knows what he did is wrong, he doesn't drink anymore and tries very hard to be the best guy he can for me. But I still resent it. The only reason I'm keeping him around is to help pay rent and bills, and save up as much money as possible to move out when our lease is up. Every day I do not want to come home from work, and when we are together I treat him like a carpet to walk on. I do not care about his feelings anymore, I did not deserve a beating and surgery afterward to fix my face and I'm tired of lying to protect him. |
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My sexual history is now causing problems |
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Sunday, 18 May 2008 |
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I recently met someone whom I care about immensely. He is an honest, put together man who has confidence in his character and in every aspect of his life. I had not been honest with him about my past relationships and sexual history, and it is ruining our relationship. I keep letting more and more things out that I hadn't told him in the first place because I feel awful for those deceptions and I want him to know the truth. But, as each one leaks out, it damages our relationship more and more. He does not like my past and he does not understand it. Coming out with all of these things helps me to understand it myself and move forward from it all, but it is slowly unraveling our relationship. I have not ever met anyone whom I care about the way I care about him, and he cannot believe anything I say, or that I even cared about him in the first place because I couldn't just tell the truth. I did not want him to judge me. I did not want him to leave me. I am sorry I did not give him the choice to decide whether or not he could date someone with my past. I have been promiscuous and my careless behavior ultimately led up to me being raped. I do not know how to begin to deal with those things, and I did not know how to tell him all of those things for fear of him leaving me. I have been selfish. I do not want to be selfish anymore, but the truth is not setting me free. |
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Tuesday, 19 February 2008 |
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I have been physically and emotionally abused by my husband for 18 years. He also has been or is still cheating on me. So much has happened to me I just don't know anymore. He broke my shoulder trying to keep from leaving cause of his girlfriends kept calling him. Bad thing about it he is a police officer. I Don't know what to do anymore. |
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Wonder how abuse impacted my life |
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Sunday, 23 September 2007 |
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When I was about ten, I was abused by a family friend. The thing I hate most about it is that I seemed to like it. My sexual experience had been to hear my mother in the same bed as me have sex with a man. I can remember masturbating when I was younger and exploring with other children. The fear and shame that has come from all this has affected me my whole life. I am now a senior citizen and my thoughts still wonder about how this played a part in my relationships. My husband was the only man that I had a sexual relationship with and after years ended in divorce - he left me for someone else. |
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Tuesday, 18 September 2007 |
My secret is that when I was little I was molested by my father from the time I turned 5 until my mother found out (by catching him in the act) and divorced him. She knew about it but never really said anything to me. We moved into an apartment building which my aunt lived in. Well my aunts boyfriend had come over one day with my aunt and her and my mother had left to go Christmas shopping. After they had left I was taken up stairs where I was repeatedly raped until they had gotten home a few hours later. I never said a word about it. A few years later after being taken by the D.S.S. I was molested by my foster father. Everyday until I turned 16 and was emancipated. After going to college there I was joining a sorority and went to a party where I had gotten drunk and was raped there by two men that I thought was my friend. After that day I dropped out of college and never looked back. Now I find myself in a relationship with a married man and cant stand when he touches me. I cry when he makes love to me. I cant find a way from him and now I am pregnant with his child.
That actually felt good to get that out in the open. Thanks |
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Living with an abusive husband |
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Monday, 18 June 2007 |
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I wanted to share that my secret is that I am being abused. And my husband is a porn addicted jerk. He keeps photos of his ex's around and he has lied to me about his past. I have been spat on, shoved and terrified for some time now. He is also so verbally abusive. He has broken my spirit. |
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I am hiding an abusive relationship |
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Friday, 27 April 2007 |
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I keep letting him back into my life even though he put his hands on me and broke a thousand promises and soaked me for every dime he could. I have to keep it a secret from my family and friends. It makes me cry. |
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Friday, 16 June 2006 |
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I was raped my sophomore year of college and I realize that now its even more difficult to keep relationships. I tend to seek love where I know does not exist such as in a disloyal friend or in guys that are just mean. Its a long story but my perpetrators are loose and I never did see justice and now I live with this nightmare everyday... I was interoggated by the police and they were just cruel and unsympathetic. Now I am just scared all the time and if I feel I may be in trouble for something I cave in... for some reason I think deep down I still blame myself for this, even though I really had no control. I got a bill from the ER and thank god I reached the mail before my parents did... Only a couple people know and I try to deny to myself that it ever happened... It's heinous but I find myself smoking a lot and out of control at parties that have alcohol because I had so many problems half a decade before. Now 5 years later... my problems are a lot worse I don't remember a lot of the details and trying to forget but remember more of the pain and anger. If I see a white van I palpitate.... and if I see handcuffs or scarfs I tend to want to vomit. I associate police as stoic people and once I was accused of money I did not take but threatened so badly... the circumstancial evidence was significant and to avoid the police and more anger, I just gave in. Now I feel like crap and I never really sought professional counselling for fear someone I know may find out. I feel deep rejection and realize I crave attention a lot. I have attempted suicide about a year ago when this happened with the extortion, but didn't know that benzodiazepines you can't OD on... so I slept through my biochem lab and I missed it... The class I was failing anyway and then just dropped... the accusations of me acutally stealing from someone really hurt although I don't know if it was intentionally made up or true. I am really harsh on myself and just lost what I thought was a friend. But, then I realized that gay men aren't women and they can't understand... I guess its a twisted world we live in and just gotta deal with it... even though I thought we were friends, my head is kinda messed up and my family or friends back home aren't here to support me. Anybody that reads this... pls just pray for me and realize its really hard for me to share this but I need to focus better. Thanks. Beautiful Disaster |
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Saturday, 20 May 2006 |
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My new boyfriend asked about my formative years with men. I evaded the question and am ashamed. My father was an abusive alcoholic and I always felt somehow to blame for the situation. I've tried to put the past behind me. Am I obligated to tell him about my father? It is painful and I don't wish to discuss it. My father is dead (so is my mother) and I want to go on to have a happy life with this man free from the ghosts of the past. I've been in therapy and don't feel he needs to know about it - it's my business. Is this okay? |
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