Truth About Deception

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written by j4william , 21 March, 2006

I say, you probably have given your girlfriend a reason. No one does that unless their is some clear reason for her to do so.

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written by Guest , 21 April, 2006

My girlfriend snoops on my phone all the time, reads my diary to check appointments and query numbers on my cell that have no names. It's a nightmare, and then of course when I confront her she gets mad that I accuse her of snooping and tells me I'm crazy! I'm planning on dumping her.

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written by Guest , 21 May, 2006

I'd find it comical and jokingly encourage her to dig deeper... and laugh when she finds nothing, that is of course if you truly do not have a thing to hide. I agree with first guest - you must have caused some doubt for her to act in this way.

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written by Guest , 25 May, 2006

I have the notion my live in girlfriend is fooling around, and I snoop like crazy. I admit I don't quite know how I would react if I did in fact catch her, but I would rather know the truth than be living a total lie. I plan to continue snooping until July at which time I will give up. Oh well, best of luck to you all!~

I was a snooper
written by Guest , 20 September, 2006

I snooped on my husband who absolutely had nothing to hide, but insecurity fueled the snooping. Men don't have to give a reason for women to do anything. We do it because we choose to (in situations where no reason were given) b/c of this I have had to restore my relationship because he lost trust for me and it is a terrible feeling for someone not to trust you over nothing or paranoia.. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!!

Snooping Hypocrite
written by Guest , 26 December, 2006

My advice to any man that has a snooping girlfriend/wife: She's probably got some secrets of her own. Most snoopers are huge hypocrites. I know because Iâ??m a snooping hypocrite and so are several of my friends!

I recently snooped through my boyfriend's cell phone and I found out that he's been deceiving me. I was furious and I confronted him. But, if he were to go through my cell phone, heâ??d discover that I â??cloakâ?? my contacts. (Ex: saving a guyâ??s number under a girlâ??s name)!!!

Iâ??m not cheating (yet) but it gives me some type of unhealthy satisfaction to know that heâ??s been just as dishonest as me.

So, until Iâ??m ready to let go of my â??distractions,â? Iâ??m going to keep snooping â??til we either break up or learn to trust each other.

Good luck in your relationship!

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written by Guest , 26 June, 2007

I was married to a narcissist, who lied about everything, even when he didn't need to. Things just weren't adding up and I snooped to protect myself.

What was at stake for me was what I had worked for all my life and my assets were fairly large. Fortunately, all of what I found out by snooping helped me make the decision to leave with my assets intact. If I had stayed, he only would have tried to go through everything I had and at the rate he was going I would have been broke in less than 5 years.

If you have a gut feeling, go with it. If nothing is going on, they'll understand. If they're lying, cheating and stealing from you, of course they're going to be angry! Cuz you caught them!

Hopefully, his new narcissist supply will catch on and do the same. She had lots to loose too.

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written by mistrusting , 26 July, 2007

I recently set up a bogus account to catch out my new b/f and it worked. He responded to the email, but later told me he knew it was me... I had no reason to doubt him, it was because I don't trust myself that I can't trust others... It's not fun and I don't want to be mistrusting anymore.

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written by sad , 11 March, 2008

I did some snooping, and it broke my heart. That's why it's four in the morning and I'm still up reading websites about how/why to build trust.

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written by davids72 , 23 March, 2008

Sad, my ex gf snooped on me. I knew she did because when I brought it up she had that guilty look on her face I know so well. It caused me a lot of anxiety. I think because I loved her so much and the breach of my privacy by her was completely devastating. I even started smoking again, which I knew she hated. Though I don't actually like smoking I continued because I wanted to start being honest. She just couldn't do it. Now we're broken up and I have to quit smoking again. The truly sad part is that I was completely hers, loyal to the t. I would have given my life for her and she threw it away because she couldn't be honest. Admission is the first step and the most important step to regaining someone's trust, believe me - I know this first hand.

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written by jesus knows , 17 April, 2008

My g/f has broken into my email account and really found nothing apart from that I didn't tell her everything because it was just stuff. Don't do it you find more out about yourself when you do this kind of thing! If you don't trust then why?

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written by lol , 22 April, 2008

Uh if I never snooped I would still be with my husband who told his baby-mama I was his lawyer; conned my friend out of $2,000 and invested it in a cash scheme and lost it; had a girlfriend on the side; lied about felony convictions; etc etc.... before you marry someone it is okay to do a credit check, criminal background check, email account etc -- find out what you are getting into before you take that plunge!! My dad doesn't care if my mom looks at his email cuz he's not doing anything and they've been married 41 years... he's only worried that she might delete something important by accident -- bottom line if you aren't hiding anything your wife should be able to answer your phone if it rings or peek at your email -- if it is boring or proper she will be bored and leave it alone -- BUT I draw the line at reading confidential work product or DIARIES should be off limits cuz that's the person's personal space and self-conversations AMEN.

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written by goofie23 , 25 June, 2008

My girlfriends that paranoid, she snoops, reads my emails, checks my phones pisses the hell out of me to the extent I hate every bloody day of my life, destroys my personality, can't look at anyone, can't even make a joke in case she thinks into it. If I didn't love her I wouldn't even be here cuz I'm tired of trying to help her!! And she wants to get married, wtf is the point when there's no trust.. I hate my life cuz of her, all she does 24/7 is worry, worry, worry...

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written by Guilty as charged , 25 June, 2008

I started snooping because I had a rotten relationship in the past. My bf found out and understood. he told me to keep doing it if it made me feel better. I felt so guilty that I stopped.
And then about two years ago, we started talking about proposals. All the sudden the snoop virus hit me again. I just needed to know if he was really planning stuff. If he was getting what we talked about. If he was being ripped off. It wasn't really about trust... it was about control. I don't like not being in control of things. checking his email gave me a sense of control.
but what happened in the end I will never forgive myself for. I found an email with the ring in it. My heart was completely broken when I realized that I did get what I want and I ruined my surprise.
Now I feel awful. I feel like a terrible person and wish I could take it back.

I can't tell my boyfriend what I've done because he deserves to feel happy.

I guess what I'm getting at is that perhaps your g/f does trust you and that maybe the snooping is part of a bigger issue. If it's about trust work with her. If it's about control, talk to her and tell her that she needs counseling.

Tell her that it hurts you that you don't have any privacy and that you're worried that one day it might ruin a surprise. If she loves you she'll work on it.

I know I will.

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written by TH , 05 August, 2008

comment to goofie23... you know why I snoop.... you have flirted online with girls email, messenger even with web cam.... and sending dirty pics to girls with your phone!!! now tell me I'm paranoid, you made me this way! try telling people what you did before bad mouthing me!!! look at your own mistakes, you nearly lost me and i have given you so many chances and i'm still around, not many girls would be.

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written by guest628 , 14 August, 2008

I snoop sometimes. And I know exactly why I do it. My husbands lies about a range of different things. I can't believe anything he says anymore. I have pleaded with him to stop lying to me, that I would rather know the truth but that hasn't helped at all. I give him so many chances to tell the truth when i know he has lied, but he never pulls through for me. I am completely depressed with major anxiety issues and never being able to trust my husband and best friend is making it worse.

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written by Been snooped on , 20 November, 2008

I've been snooped on over and over again. Quite frankly it makes me actually want to go out and do something to actually give her something to be mad about. I am a very open individual and have many MALE and FEMALE friends. Never have I EVER cheated on her for 4 years, but she always feels the need to go through all my stuff. It's like what if I wanted to do plan something big for her. I could never do it because she would find out within days of me arranging it. This is simply craziness.

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written by I'm guilty... , 11 December, 2008

In the past I never considered snooping an option until my present relationship. I had this overwhelming feeling that something was going on behind my back, even though I had no reason to think so. I first resisted, but gave in to my feelings and went snooping... I ended up finding several emails to a girl (which happened at the time we had moved in together). The email completely disregarded me as being his girlfriend and said, "he'd been dating someone for awhile," and some pretty racey comments back and forth. At the time I found them he wasn't speaking to her anymore, but it broke my heart. I had also found him on a dating sight as well, but listed under a different name. My first thought was to just let it go and keep it to myself, because I felt horrible for what I'd done, but even though I broke his trust he'd shattered mine. About three weeks later I confessed because it was eating me inside. All he did was just hold me and tell me that he loved me and he was sorry. I never really asked why he did what he did, mainly because I had done something just at terrible. I still struggle with it, I am open with him about it, and he understands. My opinion is that if you have nothing to hide then why does it matter. I wouldn't be upset if he was snooping on me, I have nothing to hide therefore I don't really care.

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written by Fear Begat Fear , 17 January, 2009

Sometimes people give their significant other reasons to snoop. Sometimes it's just the snooper's insecurity. I was snooped on by my girlfriend for no reason. I was totally devoted. She found really old stuff from before our relationship started, and used that to pick a fight. I returned the favor and snooped on her, and found out several times when we were on the outs, she had slept with other men. (I wouldn't have done it without her actions... I figured she was insecure because of what she was doing, and I was right.) I asked her about it, and she lied to me. I would have forgiven her, but when I realized I couldn't trust her, and that she had driven me from unconditional love to my own insecurity, I dumped her. If you're with such an insecure woman, you should dump her. It will do everyone good, including the men in her future. Consider yourself to be elevating the human race by teaching her a lesson.

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written by Lost , 31 March, 2009

My ex-gf first gave this "snooping into my phone" a whirl about 6 months into the relationship. Immediately prior to her doing that (in fact, about 2 to 3 weeks prior), she had a "situation" which she discussed with me. Her situation was something to the tune that some clerk guy that worked at some government office she had known for a while had asked her to go "to lunch." At the time she ran her situation by me, I was out of the State, visiting family for the Holidays. So I told her that, based on what she told me (the guy was married, was asking for a lunch encounter around 2p.m., during a weekday, had commented on how pretty she looked, etc, etc), my opinion was that the guy seemed like he was expressing inappropriate interest ("inappropriate" because he had been nothing but nice in a business/everyday context prior to that), but I left it up to her to decide. In expressing my opinion on the situation, she insinuated that I was being "jealous" and that I did not know this guy, etc, etc. So she then asked her female confidants, who also knew the guy because they also had to get records from him during any given week in relation to their work, and they confirmed that my opinion was kinda-sorta on the mark because they informed her that this guy was some kind of player, cheated on his wife, etc, etc and that she should not go on this lunch date.

I come back from the vacation, and 2 or 3 weeks later, she gets into my phone one evening. I find out because I apparently received some text messages from friends and they were marked as opened. I confronted her about the situation, asking her to please talk to me about her trust issues with me, if any, as opposed to going through my phone---because I would not stand for being in a relationship with someone who does not trust me. Her response involved interrogating me as to who is so-and-so, and why "can't we have an open relationship." I suppose some people, as she said she did, equate going through each other's phones (and emails, v-mails, etc) as an "open relationship," but I don't get that. My reply to the situation was, you go through my phone again, and we're done.

8 months later, the situation happens again. We broke up the morning I realized she had done it. I never checked her phone, e-mails, etc.--EVER. For a while there, I never got the closure in terms of "why" that kind of behavior was happening, and I am not sure I feel I have a grip on the situation as I sit here today. However, my best educated guess thus far is: (a) she was so paranoid about me cheating or engaging in inappropriate relationships because she had them; (b) she was still affected by the relationship prior to the one she had with me (which, supposedly, involved a guy who was cheating on her and was noncommital); or (c) she's just a control freak.

Take away that issue, and I would have purchased a ring within 2 months of the break up. She is a great person in all other respects. I just don't see how anyone can be in a serious, and positive, relationship without trust. And I also don't understand, if I truly trust someone, why in the world would I have to go into their phone to look for stuff?

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written by My new controlling bf , 23 April, 2009

I just started dating a guy who seems to be a controlling fool. When we first started to go out he was so sweet and attentive. I am begriming to see signs of control. He bought me a Belkin Tune talk for my iPod and shipped it back the minutes it came in the mail because he was upset with me but I didn't realize it until recently when it dawned on me that I never received it. I told him never buy anything for me if you're going to take it back the minute you're upset with me. We sort of made plans to go out the other night but I didn't get home in time and could not call him b/c I don't have a cell phone and I was out and about. When he finally caught up with me it was unbelievable what he was saying "I have to be able to find you when I want to talk to you". I told him that it was over between us b/c I thought that was controlling, weird and crazy. Yesterday, my sister and I were traveling and my tire blew out at 1pm in the afternoon and of course I had no cell to call for help. When I saw my bf that evening he took initiative that day without consenting with me to purchase me a phone even after I told him not to buy me anything. He had the nerve to register it and put all the features in that he wanted. When I saw him last night I was so upset about what had happened that day being stranded and al that I took the phone without thinking but now that I had the chance to think about it I want to give him the cell back and call it quits with him once and for all. I am tired of his controlling ways.

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written by TBanger , 22 August, 2009

Well, my gf is constantly snooping through my things. She says that if I have nothing to hide, then I shouldn't mind. However, she thinks the flip side is true: if I had any trust in her whatsoever, I wouldn't need t snoop on her, and therefore, I would be a bad person if I did it to her.

Now while I sort of agree with her former statement, it really starts to get on my nerves when she takes something meaningless or a joke way too personally. An example of this s when she read that said a certain girl's smile was sexy. However, if she had read the rest of the FaceBook conversation and took a peek at the picture we were talking about, she would know that the girl in question had big fake plastic "hillbilly" teeth in, and what I had said about her sexy smile was a joke.

SO of course I'm upset she was snooping and thought that I was trying to pick up a girl whose been a good friend of mine for years (who lives on the other side of the country too) and tells her friends that I am sending flirty messages before confronting me about it, but doesn't think enough to read deeper into the e-mail.

And of course she is upset because she thinks that the fact that I am angry is a sign that I am hiding something from her. This turns into me slamming the door and her calling all of her friends for a girls night.

And with her birthday coming up and having ordered her gifts online, who knows if she read through any of the confirmation e-mails, thus spoiling her big day? Who knows if she read through any private conversations with close friends or relatives involving family drama or relationship issues?

Snooping is never OK. This is something my parents taught me. If you're man or husband is a piece of shit with gf's on the side, or embezzling money from ppl, or what-have-you, chances are he knows enough to protect his privacy with his life. If he's dumb enough to leave all that shit out in the open, you weren't reading the signs.

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written by eyecandy25 , 09 October, 2009

My boyfriend and I got together in 2005 and honestly i had just broke up with a guy who had cheated on me and obviously was looking out for myself when i snooped. I know it’s wrong but I had to. I found a couple texts between him and his best friend (a girl) who was asking him to take a trip with her just the two of them and surprisingly he agreed so i confronted him and we had a huge fight. It turns out they shared a kiss before me but they decided to be friends yet she kept sending him sentimental valentine's day/birthday cards and flirting with him. I was mad so i told him to choose who he wanted to be with and he chose me. 4 years later after not snooping for a while my heart told me to and i just found a text which read as follows...

''Hey u Wasup, how's it goin. Called u ystday, just wanted to hear u voice, was back at work wen u called back and I finished at 10pm so didn't want to wake u up. Anyway u can text bak if u can if not I'll Spk to u later.''

I am curious because she is abroad and he just came back from a visit from that country on 26/09/09 and he has been calling her frequently (a day or two apart at least – 30/09/09, 01/10/09 and 06/10/09). He texts her frequently too. My problem is the text says i just wanted to hear your voice (she must mean something for him to say that cause he has never said that to me throughout the 5yrs we have been together- not that i recall anyway) and also he is lying to her when he texted that he finished work at 10pm (he always finishes at 9pm and is always home by 9:10pm which makes me wonder). Moreover the text was sent at 5:22am at which point he is normally asleep unless he has to go somewhere very important. I found the text on 05/10/09 and have not confronted him yet but on Wednesday 07/10/09 we had a fight over something silly and i think the text influenced my anger (i did not mention it) but i called him a liar and i locked him out the house and insisted that he gives me the car keys his wallet and his two phones. Unfortunately i could not find the other phone (which i got the text from) and after an hour or two of fighting i found it in the lounge ( and i swear on my life it was not there before); I picked it up when he left the room and went through it to see if he had been texting her again and to my surprise it had all the messages erased and ever since then i looked for it in the house where i know he is most likely to leave it lying around but i could not find it. I did not look in the car where I suppose he could have left it but am telling you it is no coincidence. So am I being paranoid here or is he acting guilty (cause he doesn’t even know why am mad, he doesn’t know that i saw the text either- my plan was to say nothing and just observe the texts between them until i got something more concrete). Please advise, am heartbroken but am not sure if i should be. Thanks in advance!

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written by ~~anon~~ , 04 December, 2009

Snooping is never okay when you have given someone reason to be suspicious. Snooping is always okay when you are the one with valid suspicion.

In a relationship your actions do not effect only you. That is why we get into a relationship...to have a partner. If you had a business partner would you go behind his or her back and do things that would harm the business, and eventually destroy it? I don't think so.

What everyone needs to remember is a relationship is about consideration of our partner as much as we consider ourselves when making personal choices.

When there is a long-term relationship and our behavior raises suspicion; it is natural for the other to want to know what is going on.

Guilty partners don't give straight answers, so, the only choices are to leave them, check it out for yourself, or live your life wondering what the truth is.

I don't promote unwarranted snooping on a partner whatsoever. I do however feel that when there has been deception (especially repeatedly) then it does effect us personally and our future. So, checking into some things may be what is needed to realize what type of a person we are giving our heart to.

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written by ... , 10 February, 2010

My girlfriend is constantly reading my texts, iv confronted he about it many times but she just gets angry at me and says thing like "have you got something to hide then", iv even tried looking at her mobile but she always makes an excuse for me not to look at her phone, its driving me crazy seriously i don't know if i can continue in this relationship, could some one give me any advice as to what i could do to make her trust me and not have her constantly snooping?