Truth About Deception

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written by BozemanAngel , 25 October, 2007

My live-in boyfriend cheated on me for over a year by talking to a woman who met while playing World of Warcraft. He moved out a month before his coworker got married, and the day of the wedding, I found his website with a picture of a girl on it. Long story short, she was his new flame. For over a year, they talked, gamed, and IMed each at work. He sent me an instant message, apologizing and saying he missed me. Quite honestly, an apology will not change anything because it will seem sorry. Think about it, when someone cheats, they know what they're doing is wrong. An apology is basically what you want to hear; it won't make anything better, believe me. In fact, when he apologized, I thought, "sorry for what?" Sorry for deceiving me, sorry for having sex with her, yadda, yadda, yadda. Do what I did. Go to a therapist and talk it out.

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written by theladytee , 16 December, 2007

I also feel hurt that this guy I dated for 3 years and had baby with never shows any remorse for deceiving me. He was cheating, lying, and selfish. He turned everything on me and now wants to act like he never did anything. He ignores my feelings and pain by denying he ever did anything wrong. After I helped him he has just so easily moved on with his double life and women. I hate to see him every time he picks up our newborn. I hate that I have a baby with him.

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written by sweetme , 29 January, 2008

My ex-husband also cheated on me, while I thought we were very happy. We have four children and I found out he was cheating on me (with more than one woman) while I was pregnant with our forth child. He didn't seem to care how much he was hurting me or the children. It was almost as if he was shopping for his next wife (one with a job, house, new car for him and anything else he would need), out of state away from the responsibility of his children. Now he's getting married (I'm engaged too) and I hate that he's happy. I honestly wish I felt differently, but I want him to pay. I'm not unhappy, I just really want him to be. *sigh* I need to move past this.

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written by bluewitch , 14 November, 2008

My live-in ex-boyfriend for 4 years cheated on me by having sex with his new office mate. Just a month after I discovered it, it was too late already because his other girl was already pregnant. I confronted him and asked for his explanation.. but instead of apologizing, he told me to just break up with him so he can go on with his life. Few months after, I heard from his sister that he was threatened by the father of the girl who happened to be an ex-militar, to marry his daughter asap and if not, he will be shot. Out of fear, he went to me,asked for my forgiveness, and begged me to marry him instead. I know that he just wanted to escape from that situation but what can I do...marry him & be miserable for the rest of my life?! If I will just think of his situation and help him solve his problem by marrying him... then how about me? Did he think of me? I don't think so!
To end the story, I didn't marry him.. so he was forced married to that girl. Few months after, their beautiful baby was born but instead of being happy, he felt like he's miserable. He was never happy... i know because he's still coming back to me.
Now, I've already moved on.. I have my own family already and I am so happy with my husband.

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written by phm , 26 November, 2008

My ex lied to be for whole year, about having an affair with girl who he works with - half his age. One day he came home and told me he didn't love me anymore after 11 years together and son who is 8 years old. He blamed on me for our marriage, I found out about his affair when I started working in same office with him. He still denied about it. the girl who he has affair with was going through divorce at that time she has 3 little girls under school ages. He keep coming back to me and extend our divorce for a year put me on a hold while he is sleeping with her, finally we got divorced, and girl told people at work they started going out after everything was over and I found out he has been sleeping with her before he even walked out on me and now he is going out with her openly and still deny about affair. he is telling me never happened during our marriage which is big fat lies. Now they are flaunting on my face. he hurt me a lot and all he thinks about is her and him. not his son or 11 years with me. I want to move on and all i can think of is how he hurt me. I don't know how to get over his deception and keep sleeping with me while he was sleeping with her. It is killing me inside. I am seeing therapist and still having hard time because I am keep hearing about them from co workers and i see him acting like he is very happy and didn't do anything wrong. They both make me sick to my stomach. What do I do ?

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written by Anony , 07 January, 2009

Two of my long term boyfriends had cheated on me. I was hurt, abused, lied to and ignored by both of them. They have only made me stronger and for that I thank them!! I still get my ups and downs but when I do get down I look in the mirror, take a deep breath and say to myself "They have hurt me, but they'll never break me". Life is too short to worry on such ignorant people. Keep your heads up high and continue enjoying life.

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written by wow , 20 January, 2009

I am not even divorced we actually started this whole process just now. My husband GAVE a car to some girl that was a complete lie to begin with (he said it was a 62 yr old women.. it was a 31 yr old). He works with her he brings her to my house he takes her to the kids activities and tells me he won't then just does with no warning to me. He flaunts it in my face when I talk to the kids when they are with him all I can hear is her in the background. I just found out that he proposed to her on new years eve... and told my kids not to tell me! He isn't even divorced! He told her he already filed but hadn't so they went down together and did it. I just feel like the last 10 years that I have been his biggest supporter and this is what I get. I am angry that he chooses to teach our kids this... hello you are married! he kicked me out and that same weekend they were over her house meeting her the following spending the night at her house???? my kids didn't have time to understand that mommy and daddy were no longer going to be together and now they have to accept a step mom? But I am the one to blame. My husband denied that he proposed but again why would 2 kids say daddy told us not to say and then say that??? I am just hurt and very angry.

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written by SK , 29 January, 2009

My boyfriend of 5 years cheated on me (I found out later) several times. I moved away after uni to a new job and came with me, he met a girl on the Internet and as a guise to find a job chatted with her daily, I found out almost a year later. I left him, he went berserk, started threatening me, telling me he was sorry and that he loved me. I then find out he married that girl and moved abroad and now has the happy life, marriage, house, partner, etc, etc. I left him and chose not to be with him after, but I feel so hurt, after so many years - still. I'm baffled, I didn't want him after what he did but yet have this feeling of loss. I'm single and haven't had a serious relationship since him nearly 8 years ago and I can't seem to let it go, I'm 31 now and want to move on more than anyone can understand but nothing seems to be going right or working. I don't know what to do. I was fine up until last Sep when I found out he got married and now it feels like I'm back to square one. People keep telling me I need closure - that means talking to him again and the only way I can do that is via a popular social networking site. I'm not sure I want him back in my life, he's clearly moved on and what good would any of that do me?? help.

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written by CET , 30 January, 2009

SK, do not do not do NOT write to him!! You have let him continue to hurt you for way too long. Just like you said, you've gone back to square one, and if you talk to him you'll go back to square one yet again. My ex and I talked occasionally, but each time we did the heartache started afresh. Now that we've stopped talking I feel much better, and even though many questions have gone unanswered, I've finally realized it's better to let it go. You need to find that closure from within yourself. Let him go, exhale, laugh, be happy, and think about the good things in your life.

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written by CET , 30 January, 2009

Oh PS, he cheated on me for over a year too and has never admitted any wrongdoing. It still hurts SO VERY MUCH from time to time, but I'm finally telling myself that it was his stupid choice to betray and desert a super awesome person. Now I just need to find a new super awesome person to love and respect me...

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written by SMPZ , 09 February, 2009

CET (and all) Thank you for posting...
I am a widow, lost my husband 7 yrs ago. Dated twice since then, and the last guy I dated recently I thought he and I would end up being together... everything seemed okay - although we didn't see each other as often as I liked and then I had found out he smoked pot every night - and that was an issue to me, since that was his reasoning for not seeing me. We had a "talk" and two months later his brothers girlfriend ended up letting the cat out of the bag - my boyfriend had been cheating on me for over a year with his ex-girlfriend. I was devastated... and still am cause I just found out right before Christmas, and he was supposed to meet my parents and rest of my family.

We had went on a trip to Hawaii the first part of the year, and during that time he was text messaging this person too - HE HAS NEVER apologized AND he broke up with me because I didn't trust him! His reasoning of why we cannot be together is because I cannot trust him... wow.

This person totally threw me for a loop. My heart is really crushed and I like what you said CET: "but I'm finally telling myself that it was his stupid choice to betray and desert a super awesome person. Now I just need to find a new super awesome person to love and respect me..."

I am going to use what you said to help myself move on, Thank you!

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written by How to get closure??? , 06 March, 2009

I dated a guy for a year, he was MR PERFECT or so I thought, I knew he was married. I knew they were getting a divorce and I knew better! After a year I find out his wife is pregnant, due in October. She was jobless and needed his insurance and a divorce wouldn't allow her coverage... so I waited... October rolled around and nothing. He dropped me like a bad habit The day before Christmas eve... I loved him with everything I had. and it wasn't good enough... come to find out after speaking with his wife, there we no plans of divorce... I had been used. I felt so stupid, I knew it was wrong to date him until the "divorce" was final, but my heart wouldn't let me say no. It's been a year and 3 months since I last saw him, I am married and expecting (due in October) and I still haven't healed from the lies... How do I get closure. He's writing me an email asking about my business... ( I never responded). He stopped by my office to tell me he was sorry (when I promptly shut him down and called him every name in the book). And now I am felling obsessed with it. My husband doesn't know I feel this way and he and I would both be devastated if it ever came out. I have no one to talk to... WHAT DO I DO????

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written by Brokenhearted in TX , 12 March, 2009

I have been divorced a little over 3 years and it still feels like it was yesterday... I cry almost everyday and when something goes wrong in my life my blame my ex. he had already moved on b4 I even moved out and had a baby with her shortly thereafter..since then he is no longer with the woman but has had several since her and is now dating a surgeon doctor chic... she has plenty of money and he throws it in my face all the time... I would like to just use that for more ammunition to go back to school. but i just get sooo depressed in my feelings of being abused for 7 years the betrayal and all the heartbreak.. I'm just looking for the light.. I see so many people after a divorce bounce back and move on with new relationships... I have not had anything close to a serious relationship for over 3 years and I am getting very impatient... He just looks soo happy and financially stable... and I can barely keep my lights on... and he sits back and laugh he loves the idea that I cant seem to get it together financially without him... it really sucks... I'm sooo sick and tired of feeling this way and I truly believe this is why I cant find a new partner because it has been so hard for me to let go of my ex whom I was married to for 7 years and have 3 children 8yr and 3yr. help!

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written by soconfused in CA, 31 March, 2009 , 31 March, 2009

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years when he suddenly cheated on me. I'm not gona come off & say he was not a good person because he really is, I think he didn't mean to hurt me. However, things have been rough with us not emotionally but financially as i assumed because he made it seem to me that his work really stressed him out. I sacrificed so much for him jus cuz he told me money was tight & we needed to cut back on some stuff, so basically we jus stayed home. One day he called me & told me we needed to talk. He took me out for coffee & he basically poured his heart out to me. He said that he really wanted us to be a better couple because he cared & loved me so much. He said he wanted us to know where each other was at emotionally all the time. I felt so appreciated & loved that he would express his feelings to me, I felt like a princess. Then that same week it was like a light switch, he called & told me he needed to tell me something. So I went to his house, then he told me that same weekend he met up with an old high school fling online & wanted to see where it would go. After that I became sooooo confused, one moment he was declaring his love & within a week he found someone online & threw away our 2 year relationship on the basis of seeing if it would work out with someone he hadn't seen 13 years ago. When I tried asking what happened & why he became so cut-throat, heartless, mean & harsh, it was like i disgusted him. I still don't understand why he would do this to me & the thing thats hurts most he hasn't given me a sincere apology. Even though it has only been a week since the incident I'm still hoping he would call me. I love him sooo much & I just want him back because I am ready to forgive him but he won't give me that chance to even forgive him. I need someone's help , what should I do? Is he worth it?

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written by Freedom , 08 July, 2009

It is the following line in the first message that has caught my attention .... "I am having a terrible time getting over the feeling of wanting him to pay for totally devastating me. " I was seeing a guy, not too serious when I got pregnant, I knew he did not want me to have the baby but I did. He pretty much ignored me for most of the pregnancy but I didn't bother with him either and we live close to each other. Long story short I had lovely baby boy and he (the father) turned up at the hospital the day I gave birth. For the first 6 weeks he visited and we got on fine until we started back together again but he wasn't being very open about the relationship. This went on for four years on and off until I ended up pregnant again and he refused to have anything to do with it, he offered to pay for an abortion but that was all the help he would give. I had lost my job a couple of moths before that and knew I could not do it on my own this time so had the abortion. Now he comes to my home to see our son and acts like I was wrong, he is best friends with my brother, he talks to my family like nothing happened and I hate him cause he got away with it because he knows I don't want anyone to find out about the abortion. I have wished him ill and I still (6 months later) cry every night. BTW the day I told him I was pregnant he went out and slept with somebody else just to prove he would not stand by me.

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written by BeenThereDoneThat x3 , 31 July, 2009

I just got the word today from my ex husband that he is getting married tonight... All 3 of my ex's will now be married. As for me, I don't miss any of them. I spent enough time with their lying, cheating, impotent and narcissistic attitudes in this life! They deserve no more of me... My advice to all of you ladies is to search deep in yourself and find your inner strength. It is there, it may be in your faith in God, your love for your children, your love for your family or friends, just find it. Use that strength to get through every day and do whatever you have to do to make a life for YOURSELF! My favorite saying is that, "I have taken better care of myself than any man every has". I wish the best for all of you, God bless.

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written by TheUglyTruth , 13 September, 2009

He probably didn't like you. A lot of women seem to want to play the victim. It sad, but true that people will justify their sorry ways of life by finding a way to falsify victim hood. You probably gave him a reason. Quit your whining and accept the fact that this is not only his fault. Get a job and get out of the house.

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written by Santa Fe Artist , 16 September, 2009

My ex-husband just texted me today that he got remarried about a month ago. Told me to "wish him good luck".

I have only one word for that cheating, lying a-hole....KARMA!!

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written by Artistry , 01 November, 2009

TheUglyTruth, you sure you aren't a cheater who's feeling a little guilty? Guilty usually equals defensive in most cases. It is cowardly, really.
I don't care what happens in a relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. Get some class.

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written by Jstplainshckd , 24 November, 2009

I had been in a "second-time around" relationship. Dating him for one year broke up for two then started anew. We were older, stronger, more mature-or so I thought. We had been together three and a half years. He went away for two months for business out of state and got another woman he didnt even know pregnant. He said it wouldnt change nothing between us that our love was strong yeah right....he kept acting more strange and denied any contact with her. Then one day he called me up broke it off with me and I found that six months later that the reason why he cut it off with me so fast is that he moved out of state a month later to witness the delivery and now he is living with this woman and they are very much a family. He lied to his family and friends. I am in disbelief. We both planned to start a family together and my child-not his looked up to him. I feel so hurt and deceived. He was such a coward in how he went about it. He didnt even apologize only a sorry via a text. He doesnt even recognize what he has done/did to me. I found out by email and he wasnt man enough to face me.

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written by skysthelimit , 08 January, 2010

We were married for less then a year when he started cheating, I didn't find out until right after we split as he claimed"he didn't want to be with me", which is true but the real truth is he was having a relationship with someone he works with. Its only been like 5 weeks since we split and I know he thinks he did nothing wrong, blames me for the breakdown of our entire relationship and marriage. Already I know he will never feel like he did anything wrong and will never apologize for what he did. i am trying to get closure myself because I will never get it from him. When someone cheats they have detached themselves from you to the point that you don;t matter anymore. You are nothing to them, I think the hardest thing for me is how I allowed myself to be manipulated for so long...I will take that's a lesson learned for the future.

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written by JusySaying , 18 February, 2010

Sure, I'm all for cheaters cheating - except, why hide it? Proclaim it to the mountain tops. If you're not in the wrong, why not tell your parents, co-workers, um, your wife... break it off with your wife.. move on... If you're doing nothing wrong, why are you hiding anything? "She's a nagger" or "I don't want to hurt her" doesn't work in this case - she can't nag if you're honest, and you leave. And if you're doing nothing wrong, when she is hurt, that is her problem, not yours. Except, you know you are doing something wrong, and can't even chose the right thing (not doing it) you'll do it anyway, then lie about it.... THAT is what can't be respected on ANY level. Live your life honestly, and there won't be any troubles.

(I've been a supportive wife, at the best part of my relationship after 9 years, and cheated on. While my husband was in an exceptional circumstance and I can forgive his choice, even the deceit is his on ability to have any remorse. He doesn't do anything to make me suspect he would do it again.. he is nice to me (so much better than most of your guys on here, I am so sorry for you guys)... but, still, even my "decent" guy.. isn't proclaiming his deeds about, nor is he apologetic, extra flowery or loving to me to make anything up. I COULD forgive him, and yet, he pulverized any trust and bonds we had, and has done nothing to rebuild the bridge (my analogy has been he dug and whole and finally stopped digging, but decided he couldn't make the effort to fill in the hole, either... so its still clearly in the way of recovery)... We are good day to day and friendly.. but we have no emotional bond, and likely never will since so much time without forgiveness has passed.. only time has made it a memory, but not erased it.