| I lied to my boyfriend and he wants to move on |
|
Well here's the thing, I lied to my boyfriend and then made it worse by making excuses. I also made promises to him so that I could earn back his trust in me. But, I lied and broke the promises that I made. I didn't intentionally want to hurt him. I just was trying to protect myself from getting in trouble. I don't always make the right decisions, but I genuinely love him I believe we are meant for each other. And now he wants to move on with someone else. What should I do? I thought that maybe even though he says it's too late, I want to go through with the promises I made in the first place. I believe it is never too late to right your wrongs. I don't ever want to be with anyone else but I am afraid that while I am doing what I was supposed to in the first place he will be moving on with some one else. All I wanted was for him to trust me again, but it was too difficult to keep my promises. Now things are not going my way. In fact, he is out with another female right now. All I can do is think that he would be with me if I had followed through with my promises. Do you think that if I now keep my promises regardless of his actions it would lead to a positive outcome? Or do you see this as a loss cause? I don't want to lose him and especially not to some one else. How do you fix a broken glass? Response: Good intentions are never enough to make a relationship work. Relationships require trust, understanding, and ability to work through problems as a couple (see, healthy relationships). And when trying to rebuild trust, it is critical to make practical and reasonable promises – promises that can be kept (see, rebuilding trust). If you can’t keep your promises when trying to earn back someone’s trust, it demonstrates that you can’t keep your word even when it matters the most. And without trust, a relationship cannot survive. So, perhaps it is best that your ex-boyfriend moves on with his life. You’ve repeatedly betrayed his trust; maybe he is better off without you. With that said, however, it is never too late to make amends for what you've done wrong. But, apologize because it is the right thing to do, not because you want to win your ex-boyfriend back. Doing the right thing for the wrong reason - focusing on what you want and not what you ex-boyfriend wants - is more manipulative than sincere. Our advice: Do the right thing because it is the right thing to do. Let things between you and your ex-boyfriend unfold on their own. Things will probably not turn out perfect, but treating people with respect is more likely to lead to positive outcomes for everyone involved.
Set as favorite
Bookmark
Email this
Hits: 5654 Comments
(18)
hey
written by Guest , 05 June, 2006
Hi, I am a 21 year guy. The same thing happened to me. My girlfriend broke my trust in front of my eyes and we sort of broke off at that point of time. She was double dating me with my own friend and it was shocking for me. But somehow we are back together today. But i still feel suspicious at times about her, even though she has been very loving and caring then ever. I trust her now, but only to a certain extent. I still cannot get comfortable with her. So my suggestion for you would be that find a new guy for yourself cause even if you get him back, he won't trust you fully. I know it is hard to do that but I guess that's the way it is. Hope you get what you want. And ya, my girlfriend has become an addiction for me so nor can I leave her neither can I stay away from her. I hope its not the same with you. I hope you get with the right person. Take care.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by guest , 17 August, 2007
I'm 29, also a guy, and had the same thing happen to me. My girlfriend had an 'emotional affair' online with another guy and kept it from me. when i found out, i kicked her to the curb. but she begged me back and i gave in. turns out later that she escalated the affair from online chatting to late night phone calls (hours long), and numerous texts messages back and forth. Again, she kept it from me, and after finding out, I confronted her. And then she did the single most stupid thing ever, she told me she wanted to take a break so she could work things out with him. After that, there was simply no way I could trust her fully ever again. I simply cant put my heart in her hands and know that i'm a priority in her life, even if she does indeed place me at the top. Some things, once broken, can never be repaired. You may win back your boyfriend, but you'll never win back his trust. You should move on.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by -- , 04 October, 2008
I did the same thing to my bf.. I lied to him about my past.. but since I've been with him I've not lied bout anything else.... I only lied when I was not with him yet... since were together I've been sincere and loving. I don't even feel like looking at other guys coz I love him so much.. but he never wants to forgive me... I promised to him that I will never lie to him ever again ... but he is really hurt that I lied.. I blame myself for lying to him. I did it so I wouldn't loose him... but now I'm lost... he doesn't wanna talk to me and he ended our relationship yesterday giving the reason that I lied - he hates me for that.
Votes: +1
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by jessicairish , 14 October, 2008
I'm going through this too. I lied to my boyfriend a long time ago to protect him and nearly lost him when he found out. We got back together and after a fantastic year, (with some downs) I lied to him last night. I said I wasn't talking online to his friend when I was. And when he questioned me about it instead of saying yes I was but it was just conversation, which it was, I said I wasn't. Turns out he had seen the conversation and so knew I was lying. He went mad. And I dug myself deeper. By the time the row was over he kicked me out. And I said, if you weren't so paranoid I'd feel like I didn't have to hide things from you. That was the truth.
Votes: +0
I felt like even though I did nothing wrong, I had to lie to avoid arguments. But no, a bigger one came about and I'm petrified of losing him.  what do I do !!!???? report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by Yasha , 07 November, 2008
That happened to me as well when I lost my boyfriend about being pregnant for nine months he was devastated when he found out about it I apologized about but he did not want to hear and he ended our relationship after a year in a have although I love him and I want to get back with him I know it would never be the same again after what I did I was only thinking about my self and how much I didn't want to lose him but I'm still healing but I know its best to just move on with my life as well.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by Ashley M , 10 November, 2008
Just recently my boyfriend spent a few days in ny while i stayed back home, the first night he left, i was invited to dinner with some friends in our apt complex, and the day he left we had been fighting really bad, and since i was so mad at him i didn't think he deserved to know what i was doing while he was gone. somehow four days ago he found out about what happened and i cam clean about what i did. he was so mad, we got into the biggest argument ever and he hit him and dragged me by my hair. I know it sounds crazy but after everything HE did to me with the hitting and stuff, i forgave him. only because i know what i did was wrong, but he is telling me we are over and that i have to move out, and that he wants to go our separate ways. i really have no where to go but even if i did i don't think i would because im so afraid this really is it, i love him so much, and yea i lied but i realize i made a HUGE mistake and i just wish he could find it in his heart to forgive just like i have, but part of me tells me it might be too late. we haven't really said much to each other maybe 5 words, and its so awkward cause im still living here. i don know what to do, and i really don't know how to cope.
Votes: -1
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by Tia , 29 November, 2008
This thing happened with me yesterday... one of the guys were after me to get married. He came down to my town and I spent some time with him telling that I am committed to someone else. when my bf came to know about the truth, he could not stay anymore in my life. I wish he were with me today.. because I loved him truly. I never loved anyone like that in my whole life.
Votes: -2
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by guest2 , 28 June, 2009
I had the same thing happen. I lied to my boyfriend about small things 3 times. We worked it out the first 2 times and the third was the break up. I really love him but he won't stay. He wants us to be friends and I am at the time still living with him until he can move out. I just wish we could work things out but I think it might be too late as well.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by ashleymayer101 , 01 November, 2009
i have the same problem i lied about the past and now i cant live with out him in my life i just want him and me to start over and i can be very honest and he can trust me
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by ilovehim , 14 December, 2009
i lied to my bf about sending pictures to a guy way before i even started dating my bf i have now and he asked me if i sent the guy the pictures and i lied and said no i never did, but i really did, later on that very same day i told him the truth about me sending them pictures and i lost his trust we're still together but its hard, because he keeps thinking im gonna lie to him again and he keeps thinking im hiding things from him and i swore i would never lie to him again and i would never hide things from him but he still thinks i lie to him and hide things from him, i just want him to believe me, i want to be with him forever, i love him with all my heart and he says he loves me but cant trust me, what do i do?
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by sheeba , 02 January, 2010
it seems we all do the same stupid mistake.. we lie, and we try to think of every excuse why we did it, when in reality there is no reason for lying to our partners. I also lied to my BF, about little things, I never cheated but he thinks I did and just yesterday after trying to get past my mistakes he broke it off. I am heart broken and feel completely lost without him. I truly feel like I lost the love of my life and dont know what I am going to do. I know that I f***ed up, I lied and I have no excuse for it. I tried to make up for it but he just couldnt get over the betrayal and lost of trust. So now, I am left standing here alone and regretting the biggest mistake of my life.. I can only hope and pray that he finds it in his heart to forgive me and realizes that I really do love him and would NEVER lie to him again..
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by Ugh , 11 January, 2010
And I thought I was the only one in this situation. I feel like such an idiot for ever even lying to my boyfriend about stupid little things. We've been going out for a year until he had it with my third little lie because I said I would stop. I was just so paranoid about him being mad at me, and frankly I thought I could get away with it. I guess not, we broke up for a month, and were so mean to each other. But the talking didn't stop, and at one point we decided that we would try to work things out. We're going back out now and we were doing well a week ago, and now all of a sudden it's different, he gets mad at me all the time, he acts like he doesn't care, and I've been giving him nothing but 110% of my time, I stopped talking to all my guy friends, basically stopped talking to everybody he didn't like, for him. I don't know what to do anymore, I really do try, and put up with all his shit. I do love him, I am in love with him still, but it seems like he feels differently. I know he loves me, but I'm just not quite sure he's still "in love" with me.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by heartbroken d , 18 January, 2010
this happened to me as well. i lied to my bf to avoid arguments. hes a bit insecure and the things i lied about would of only made him more. i thought i was helping. one of the lies i told, was about a guy i had went on dates with and got blown off. he texted me out of the blue one day and i tried to act like i was better or something. like a game. he wanted to meet up with me (which i never would have) so i stated id call him later and never did. blowoff for blowoff. but when my bf found the texts...needless to say he didnt see the innocence in them. I love him so much and have been his 110%. but this last lie hurt too much. now im alone and in love with a man i hurt and cannot have. it feels too much to bear at times. oh my love...im sorry
Votes: +0
 report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by asughoinoinia , 30 January, 2010
I messed up to, I cant even eat or walk around normally....I feel ill. Hes giving me another chance but i fear at any moment he will decide to break up with me because of a stupid lie. Trust is so important and I would do anything to keep him. I love him so much.
Votes: +1
I cant lose him... report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by ..... , 05 February, 2010
Please Please Help Me! I've lied to my boyfriend a lot. We've been dating for about a year now, and I just told him the truth about my past. He got so upset. It's not that what I did was really bad, because it's not like if I cheated on him, but the fact that I lied for about a year kills me inside. And I still have a couple of thing's that I haven't confessed yet. I don't know what to do. I love him more than my own life and I do not want to lose him. I know he loves me, he has proved it many times. But now I do not know what to do. I don't want to let him go, but I feel as if he deserves better than me. I am nothing but a lier.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by bittersweet , 14 February, 2010
i know exactly how you all feel, me and my boyfriend broke up a week ago because of lies that i had said i let my insecurities get the best of me i felt that i couldnt measure up to him because the age difference and in comparison to experience so i felt i had to lie. he found out i kept denying it then he broke up with me later on in the week it bugged me i felt that if i really loved him he deserved to know the truth when we broke up he was so mean to me but i took everything that i could all his words he was calling me..it hurt and they cut so deep i know it might be too late at the same time i love him but hate him!..
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by dashara , 11 March, 2010
I recently lied to my bf about talking to one of my male friends online, he asked me when was the last time i talked to him i was hesitating to say Monday, but i just told him last week, he had already knew the answer. the same night we got into an argument about that and him going to dinner with a female friend. we broke up but i still live with him, I've lied several times with him. but the lies were little, not huge ones like cheating on him. he is my first and i want him to be the only one for me, i cant see myself with other guys. he has to move to Korea for a yr and says if he feels he can trust me he well take me with him the next time he moves. i really hope that he still has feelings of me when he return.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
...
written by dashara , 11 March, 2010
I recently lied to my bf about talking to one of my male friends online, he asked me when was the last time i talked to him i was hesitating to say Monday, but i just told him last week, he had already knew the answer. the same night we got into an argument about that and him going to dinner with a female friend. we broke up but i still live with him, I've lied several times with him. but the lies were little, not huge ones like cheating on him. he is my first and i want him to be the only one for me, i cant see myself with other guys. he has to move to Korea for a yr and says if he feels he can trust me he well take me with him the next time he moves. i really hope that he still has feelings of me when he return.
Votes: +0
report abuse
vote down
vote up
|
Subscribe to this comment's feed
| < Girlfriend lied to me about liking someone else | Boyfriend is acting strange and getting cold feet > |
| Prev Question | Next Question |
