Truth About Deception

Been There
written by Guest , 25 August, 2006

I was in exactly the same situation and I found out the truth a year after the affair ended. I finally rang the girl when I knew it was her and told her that my partner had told me what had been going on between them and would she please add anything to the story. She hung up but I called her back and she finally told me the truth. It's an excellent tactic and one I wished I did when the affair was going on. A private detective or having your partner followed is another. I urge you to find the truth I so regret not finding out at the time. Good luck.

...
written by Guest , 28 August, 2006

I just found out a week ago my husband has been seeing a woman. He says they have only lunch. But the nights he goes missing in action until 1:00 in the morning tell me that it was more. I suspect he is still seeing her. I can not get the truth from him. I keep finding out about more lunch dates he has had with her. He works out of town and he becomes distant when he goes down to his work. He wants to move in a new town and has been transfered not by his choice and he wants to start a new life. But the house is an hour away from where this woman lives. I am angry and hurt. I told him that if I find out more information with regard to seeing her I am moving to my parents until he ends the affair. I am tired of being made a fool.

If you think your partner is cheating more than li
written by Guest , 25 November, 2006

My husband was always working late, hanging out with his cousins or some family member or guy friends, He would get upset when I would ask where he was, He had a different smell when we slept together, He did not mind if we did not have sex for days or 2 weeks. Our communication level was poor and He would lie about where is, who is with, and change the name of the people in his phone. His ladies would have male names in the phone, but when you call a woman would answer. I checked his pocket for receipts (usu. show place of purchase and time), I checked his friends whereabouts and noted his stated whereabouts and called all numbers in his phone from a blocked number. If you introduce yourself as his sister, people are more likely to open up than hang up the phone.Or tell them you just wanted them to know they should get tested since "David" has Herpes or Aids, and tell them you have the test results to prove it.

Been there and still here.
written by Hopelastforever , 29 November, 2006

My husband cheated on me throughout 15 years of marriage. When he confess everything was when he found out about my own one time affair. I guess anger was a role to push his confess buttons. Surely enough he told me everything. As many men do.. he denied it all after he found out I was leaving him. Took him for a lie detector and he failed twice. Don't ask me why I'm still here, but I am. Working out trust issues gets tough but it can be done nothing is impossible when you really want something and work hard to get it back in place. Might not be complete but it sure isn't where it use to be. We are both seeking counseling in church and outside. Its been a rough road but as I said earlier its far from where it was a year ago.

Good luck and god bless.

finding it hard to forgive without knowing it all!
written by Aliciam , 07 December, 2006

My husband finally confessed to kissing a girl he worked with, others he works with tell me more has happened than that. And that they were seeing each other for a few months but he said that they just flirted for about a week and then they kissed and he felt so guilty that he cut all ties. But I have recently found out that I have cervical cancer from the virus HPV. I also found out in 93 percent of cases it is sexually transmitted, but he says they have just kissed! I have been faithful for the 5 years we have been married, now I am wondering where I got this and how to get more out of him. And how to move on and be happy.

How do I know when I have truth?
written by Same Situation , 07 December, 2006

I am in the same situation... I have found things to suspect my husband of cheating, as well... phone calls, text messages, bank statements... confronted my husband, and of course... total denial. I called the other woman and she denied it, hung up on me (and I was very pleasant with her) and changed her phone number the next day (after my one phone call to her)... what does that tell you? We have gone to one counseling session because I want to know the truth so I can move forward to decide what to do... but he "swears" nothing is going on... that they are just friends. He says I have a "trust" issue and need to get over it. The counselor has given us a homework assignment for our next session and mine is to decide "how will I know when I have the truth?" -- any ideas out there?

never look back
written by kelly111111111 , 08 December, 2006

Men are freaks. Who even cares if they cheat. What matters is that they then LIE about it. What kind of sick loser gets caught flat-out lying and then continues to lie? We are in counseling, the therapist says to him you need to tell the truth to move forward and he answers "It's none of her business." Full stop. And unbelievably enough, he would rather lose the relationship than simply own up to what he did. I am not even angry about the affair, whatever. I am angry about his continued lying; I can't believe I am even writing this, the answer is so obvious. LEAVE HIM AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

Miss
written by Gem Lancaster , 09 December, 2006

My ex partner & I tried to have a baby for two years, when I found out I was pregnant we were so happy then two weeks later everything changed. He stayed out all night, would hide his cell phone in the car cause arguments. I found out he had been seeing a few different ladies! Being a couple of months pregnant I was faced with the hardest choice ever. Do I keep my baby we had been trying to have - Could I justify ending a babies life because of the kind of monster his father turned out to be? I decided to keep my baby but have been through the most heart breaking time ever imaginable. Instead of doing the decent thing & apologising he shouted & was very nasty, he went on holiday & met someone else who he is now in a relationship with. I found a card from this lady but he still told lies again no apology. I guess he feels guilty about the way he has acted as he's since told people that he's not the father, if that was the case it justifies what he's been up to. I'm now 8 months pregnant with a beautiful baby boy and setting everything up for him on my own. How could a man be so nasty & carefree about the life of a woman he told he loved & a baby he so much longed for? I dodn't understand & don't think I could ever trust again. We had split a couple of times & got back together but I think that was the mistake - The lady above is so right once you leave don't look back!

Good luck to all xxx

Online Infidelity
written by CC , 12 December, 2006

My boyfriend, of almost 2 years, and I been through a lot: we're trying to get custody of his kids, running our own (very stressful) business, trying to buy a house, and have had problems with getting pregnant, something we both want very much. Recently, though, I was putting all our bills together, to be paid and saw that on his credit card statement, there is a charge for true.com. I checked it out and it turns out it is an online dating site. Now his ex is on some dating sites, which we, together, have gone and checked out. They have all been the free ones she is most likely to be on. We ALWAYS do this together. When I asked him about his statement and showed him the site, he said he couldn't explain it and was kind of angry. Any insight?

I found evidence but he thinks I dont know!
written by Angelica , 12 December, 2006

My BF of 3 years and I were in a long distant relationship. So he had plenty of opportunity to cheat! And he did! He cheated on me and had an affair for 2 months with a girl that lived in the apartment next to him! I knew her too....we had all been out socially on a few occasions! I found messages on his phone that spoke about their sexual encounters so I now it is true! He lied and lied to me about his strange behaviour and said they were just friends! I decided to take a different approach rather than confront him with the truth! I proved to be the better girl even though he said he thought our relationship had run it course. In a period of 4 weeks, he stopped the affair, wrote her an email to tell her that he could see himself spending the rest of his life with me, then took a job in the country where I live and has now moved in and we live together! We are planning our wedding! I survived it and until this day, he still doesn't know that I know they slept together. He thinks I believe they were just friends! But I don't care... he is more in love with me than ever and keeps telling me I am the best thing that has ever happened to him! I used my girl power to prove I was the better one. I simply left the door open for him to work thru it himself! No arguments or confrontation.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ANGELICA
written by dee 7777777 , 07 January, 2007

I handled my boyfriend's womanizing ways in the similar manner that you did and he too committed to just me and we were married a month ago. I have since found evidence that he is talking to another woman. I truly wish you the best. I agree with Kelly1111 above.... leave and don't look back. They really don't change and you will never be enough for them!

My Husband won't stop
written by Hurt wife , 15 January, 2007

My husband and I were having a stressful time because of issues with my family, money etc.: We also had communication issues he just didn't want to talk to me about anything important. I notice his lack of affection towards me increased, he doesn't want me to kiss him or hug him. He also increased smoking and drinking. He always spends his time in the playstation or in the computer. He also spends a lot of time text messaging from his cell phone. I got curious and one day I checked his cell phone and I show a bunch of messages between him and his "friend", and a realize they kissed.
I confronted him and he asked me for a divorce told me that he had interest in her and that he didn't love me anymore, but they were just friends and she wasn't the reason for him wanting to leave me. We are making arrangements for separating and while this happens he keeps his relationship with her.He just locked his cell phone recently, but he forgets to do it sometimes and when he does I read more messages showing me that he doesn't have intentions to stop and that she is indeed the reason why he is leaving me. I am hurt and upset. He just doesn't have any consideration for my feelings, he doesn't care about our daughter either; he is a sorry of a man. Right now, I am just saving a lot of money and making arrangements so I can leave him as soon as possible, I don't want to deal with him anymore. And I want to show him that I can make my life without him.

Here's how I caught my husband cheating online...
written by Wife # 1001 , 18 January, 2007

I found my husband has been using online dating services a lot behind close doors. He said it's just for him to contact his group of friends. I check his computer history to check out that website and his personal profile. Then I created fake profile of my own with fake photos and descriptions of female he might be interested in. Soon he found my profile and contacted the fake "me" not knowing it is his wife. He even set up date and time to meet "me" to have sex. I printed out the conversation so that I have proof. He of course was stood up and quickly he closed his profile after I confronted him that he's trying to meet other females on line. He denies it because he didn't know I have the print out of his explicit conversation to set up a date to have sex. I'm saving this evidence for later use. Now I'm in a hurry to get ready for a divorce which he's not aware of yet. I'm talking to a lawyer to find out about my and our children's rights. Make sure you print out the on-line conversation because once he closes his account, my saved e-mail from him on that dating service are gone, too. Good luck with everyone who will try this tactic. Next time (or next guy) I'll try the e-spy software.

drained of this nightmare
written by torn , 22 January, 2007

I've been with this man 6yrs now... he's a step dad to my oldest, we have a 5 yr old too, and I'm 5 months pregnant. Over the past 3 years things have gone out of control... As I know of there are 4 different ladies he's encountered, as 'friends' or hes denied them existing... bottom line the past 3 yrs he's practically disappeared for hours, works at night so I don't even know if he gets to work or not or if he's spending this time with girls by taking the night off. Just found a picture last week of him kissing a girl... he had a story for that one too. I've had excessive anxiety each time I think about this whole ordeal... My spirit is drained. I'm tired of this type of lifestyle... only problem, not enough money to leave and I'm still in school for the next 3 yrs.. (no way I can finish if I live on my own with kids) so for now I need to concentrate on myself and my children... It's hard when he keeps up the same behavior... right now he should be home with his family, instead he's out after a football game which is fine, but the decent courtesy of calling to say he will be late is nonexistent... I know the next several years will be a struggle, I pray I'm doing the right thing.

He's been caught and still won't confess
written by justtired , 02 February, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and honestly I don't see where he has the time to cheat on me but he has. In the few months I have had 2 woman call and tell me they have had extensive sexual and emotional relationships with him. He is with me 6 nights a week and confesses his undying love to me everyday. I love him so much and when I try to break it off, he cries that he can't live without me and that he would never cheat on me because I am his whole life. He has plenty time during the day to cheat unfortunately. I have caught him in lies but when you read all the signs of a cheating partner, he really doesn't fit it. I tell him that no matter what, I am willing to work this out and I do believe he has cheated on me several times and he should just admit it so we can move on. He won't. I think he realizes when I was adamant about not taking him back the second time that I won't put up with a third. I am very confused and wish I really knew the truth. Has anyone else know of a similar situation.

what is going on
written by confused dude , 03 February, 2007

Look I have been with my gf for 5 years and lately I have been suspicious just because I have noticed a change in her behavior, new underwear and other intimate items that are never worn in my presence, staying late at work so on and on. On day I looked in her phone to find she had been talking to his guy a few times in her recent calls. then I looked at the text and it said " you take it off first" I confronted her about it and she broke it off. She said that I didn't trust her and I have hurt her feelings, and I have anger which I do. I said I will go to anger management to fix this if you just come back and she says its too late. So after she leaves me I ask her about the text and she says he accidentally sent it to her it was meant for someone else. Well the phone bill is in my name and there are a lot of text to his guy. And she still won't come clean. We are not together but I am still seeking the truth. Do I believe her or not. I asked her look we're done but I need to know for peace of mind and she says no cheating. In fact she cries when she says it and I kind of believe her. A I naive? Or just stupid?

Are we naive or just loveable?
written by Been there, too , 07 February, 2007

To Confused Dude: Everyone is going to jump on you for your sweet loveability. She is lying. Your anger at the situation is not the problem (though it might be a problem you want to confront). You don't need the truth from a liar. You know the truth. She totally dissed you and betrayed you, but she won't own up to it. You have to own up to the fact that she is history and you deserve so much better. Women of the world are looking for a guy like you!

creep husband won't confess!
written by wendyh , 08 February, 2007

I feel my story is like everyone else's. My husband of 8 years had been gone a lot over the last 8 months. The problem is he is a Trauma Surgeon and will leave in the middle of the night when he gets called in. I noticed he was working even more than usual and he blamed it on our city growing larger, hence more trauma cases. I was suspicious, however, and would look at his phone records each month and call various numbers I would see listed a few times. I still couldn't catch him, until I noticed a large amount of money missing from one of our savings accounts. I asked him about it and he said I was wrong, that we didn't have as much money as I thought. So I had to look up our online banking history to double check. Low and behold, he took $40,000 dollars out and put it into a separate account. The separate account was processing checks to a man named Eddie. I was very angry and confronted my husband. He said he was helping this guy start a nightclub and he was going to get a 25% return on his investment. I asked him where he met this guy and he gave two answers. The first answer was that he met him at some medical conference here in our city. 2nd, was he met him through his office manager. As it turns out, I discovered this guy is a relative of his girlfriend. My husband then hired this scumball attorney and filed divorce papers, including a temporary restraining order for me to leave our house and CHILDREN! I didn't find out about the divorce until a few weeks ago (filed 1 mo. ago) because I didn't get served. When I found out, the TRO has already expired. In the meantime, I found four unused condoms from a package of 12 and text messages from about 4 girls. In one he was asking when they could get together and in another he wrote to a male friend saying I had gone to the beach with the kids and there were hot, naked girls at our pool and for the friend to come over and see them. Also, the jerk took pictures of these girls, all of whom work at Hooter's and I guess double as prostitutes. Looking back on the phone records, he called one hooter's girl an average of 7 times a day so I'm guessing this was/is his girlfriend. She is a 19year old hooter's waitress (my husband is 39). When he was apparently mad at her he told me that he believed she was only interested in the big bulge in his pants and it happened to be his wallet. What a creep! Also, he said she was on street drugs and was sick all the time. He said in the month of December she was in the hospital for pneumonia and he took care of her. Why is he telling me this!? Right now, he wants to work things out with me but he refuses to tell me the truth about what happened. It's very obvious he cheated, but says he didn't. I had to counter file for divorce a week ago to protect myself and feel like this is the right think to do one minute, and second guess myself the next. But, if he is still lying about what happened I don't think I should be with him. Any thoughts???

the blame game
written by teresa76 , 10 February, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. Six months into our relationship he changed. He began going out with his guy friends all the time, talking about a girl that is just his friend all the time and just treating me bad. He asked for a break and I chose to give him the time he needed to sort things out because he was feeling overwhelmed. 2 months later, I asked him if he was ready to move forward or if he needed more time. He said that he needed more time. I dumped him. A month later, he begged me to take him back, and of course, I did.
He was back to his old self. He was treating me good again. He denied ever being with another girl over the summer. He said it was all in mind. He said I manifest scenarios because I don't trust him. Well, one day I decided to borrow a book from his collection. I opened the book and pics of he and that girl fell out. Huge fight! Denial! Denial! He said they were nothing more than friends and she went psycho on him. He then ripped up the photos. Then, there were the text messages from an ex girlfriend from high school. SO many text messages from ugly girls that he is friends with and they profess their love to him. Again, he says I shouldn't have snooped and I make up scenarios.
Now, he is buying a house with another guy. He says to flip the house. I think it's a wanna be bachelor pad. He says that I don't trust.
Yesterday I told him that is the case. I don't trust him and it is because of his actions. I wanted him to come clean about the summer. He got irate and told me that I either need to trust him and work on our relationship or leave.
Is it possible that I really did create all this in my head? I feel he is shady. I don't trust him. But, is it possible that my insecurities make me create the drama? I am so confused and scared.
Any ideas?

text not sex
written by collie flower , 12 February, 2007

Well where do I start, my husband of 6 years and partner of 20 has been totally trustworthy. I was told he was having an affair and just didn't believe it at all. Once I confronted him he told me "not to be stupid." I then let it go and 4 days later was going through his phone and found a text message from this women - listed under a male's name - saying "I'm interested in how your talk went Nic xx" I rang her up and told her to stay away from my husband and she didn't say a word. Then weeks later I called her and asked her what happened between them she said she wasn't saying anything. When I confronted my husband he just told me to build a bridge and get over it. I'm totally shattered and all I want to do is see this women. He told me that nothing happened, they just went out a couple of times, she was a friend, someone to confide in as we were having problems. But it was all lies the whole lot. I now want to move on. I would like to know if given the chance he would do it again? I'm having problems trusting him. I do love him but feel totally betrayed... any suggestions?

Am I a fool?
written by Katie K. , 27 February, 2007

I found out about my boyfriend cheating on me 2 months into our relationship. Well, it's actually he's ex but they haven't ended their relationship yet because my boyfriend departed from her and came to Australia to study. He told me their love became very faint as they are separated for so long. However, he promised that he will break up with her on his trip back to Hong Kong for new year. I found out that he spent valentines day with her, stayed at her house overnight and often pick her up from work while in Hong Kong. I confronted with him on the phone and he told me that he didn't want to do all this with her and that he was made (I don't know how) to do it. He said to wait for him to come back and then everything will be explained. This is not the first time he lied to me, I had given him more than 6 months to end this relationship and unfortunately he still haven't yet. I feel as though I'm such a fool, listening to his lies every time and trust in him so much. But one thing I do know, is that I can't live without him, he's my first love and we had such a great time together, I really wanted to let go but found it really hard.

geesh
written by Gabriel , 01 March, 2007

Wow, I just came across this site randomly, and these stories are so sad. I'm rather incredulous that most men just lie and lie and lie: what cowards! One woman mentioned that she's not so mad about the affair as she is about the lies her husband tells to cover himself. As shattering as an affair is, I think a couple can gradually heal the lost trust (although it will never be quite as strong again), if the spouse at fault comes clean. Ladies, if your spouse repeatedly denies his affair(s), and you have solid proof, just LEAVE HIM. If he can't admit he was wrong, can't even confess his transgressions, then he's not someone you want to share your life with.

Must have demands and know what you want
written by M in Minnesota , 05 March, 2007

I'm just appalled by the similar stories here. I too have a spouse that hasn't owned up to his actions/lies. This last time completely devastated me. I called my parents and his and confronted him in front of everyone. I told him that this behavior wasn't acceptable and that he will never do this to me again or I take our daughter and leave. He's seen a therapist alone this time. The therapist gave him a list of things he can do to work on our relationship with me. I've also seen an attorney about a post-nuptial agreement including very harsh terms. If he signs it, I stay and start to re-build trust, and part of this rebuilding is the fact we (my daughter and I) will be financially protected if this happens again. If he doesn't sign it it shows he isn't committed to making the marriage work and the marriage is over. When the post-nuptial agreement is done and presented to him, I imagine he will balk and this will be my chance to ask him if he trusts me!

wont tell the truth
written by Anger Girlfriend , 18 March, 2007

My boyfriend of 6 years has been cheating since we have been together just one night stands, but now he has an outside relationship with this woman. He leaves for 3 days and comes back home like nothings happens. His girlfriend has called me several times and tell me what he has on and what he as done for the day. When he comes home and I tell him everything, he says it's just lies. It's likes he can't tell the truth. It has gotten so bad he puts this other woman in front of the family. We have 2 kids and he does spend anytime with them. Its like we don't matter anymore. But I know that he would never leave me for her, but he wonts both of us. I just got used to it. I don't worry.

Telling the truth or lieing
written by Confused fiance , 21 March, 2007

I have been with my fiance for 7 years now and have a 5yr old son with him. He stays out very late sometimes until 4:00 in the morning. I have suspicion that he is cheating i went threw his cell phone bills and cell phone found some text messages he says there just friends. Talked to both girls and they said they had relations with him he says there are lying and they were just friends but they wanted more than that. Please any suggestions will help.

The same story over and over
written by Anna P. , 05 April, 2007

I caught my dear husband cheating on me when we were still dating. I called the woman, I was very friendly and told her that I live with this guy etc, and only in all honesty wanted to know what was going on, she was in hysterics crying her eyes out, because she thought that she was the apple of his eye, she loved him with all her heart and as far as she was concerned, he loved her, too, just like I did, she really had no clue that I existed, and poor lady was so thoroughly traumatized that she left the country altogether. And, I loved him so much, I forgave him. A couple of years from this we got married. Again we were blissfully happy, my husband was so attentive, so gorgeously kind, amazing, gave me sex every day, gifts, texted me every day at least ten times telling me how he loves me, and just treated me like a queen - I could not have been happier, and was so delighted that I was kind enough and adult enough to forgive him to get this wonderful marriage, I did not regret forgiving him one bit... Until.. Last Sunday I found out my husband has never ever left his "girlfriend" of eight years!!!!!!! NOT the other woman, but yet ANOTHER woman) - and yes, I called this lady as well, in a friendly manner, and lo and behold, she was in hysterics, she loves him sooo much, she had NO IDEA he was married..
I am in absolute agony, I cannot believe that he married me, knowing that he would constantly cheat and always has cheated. I am so ashamed of myself in front of my family and his family and my friends who all came to our fabulous wedding, and cannot even begin to comprehend how he could live with this horrible lie and lie to me so much and so maliciously when all I did was to care for him. I have now thrown him out and he is crying his eyes out, wanting to get back together etc etc, NO WAY, say I.

Women, let's all keep strong, we are wonderful and we deserve so much better than this.
xxx

...
written by Angela , 18 April, 2007

I lived with my husband 11 years finally married him last year. Well, he and his 1/2 sister were getting awfully close very fast last summer (just met 4 years ago) right in front of every ones eyes. Every time they were around each other it is like magnets... but no one suspected a thing because they are related (same dad) well his phone calls went from 3 hours in JUNE to 32 hours to her November. Well, I told him I was feeling left out and he was acting strange and I wished he called me like that, he just made excuses and said "It is my sister, why are you jealous? Well, they would go swimming after everyone else was asleep, talking! One night I woke up at 2:00 and they were UNDER the floating dock and I heard no talking for 5 minutes... I finally heard a moan and said what is going on... she said "he is having a moment honey, he is crying". She got out he did not and she said that he was really drunk and the more they talked the more he got upset about something that happened 5 years ago. Ok, then why do they wait until everyone is asleep? Next, I find STAMAX in his truck 1 of 2 pills missing and he said it was for energy. Last, our answering machine taped a conversation that was very emotional, not sexual.... a lot of I love you Baby, I love you so much.... my sweet sweet baby! He was so into her it was unbelievable. He was more talkative than she and it was weird and NOT the way I would or anyone else would talk to their sibling. He said that they have a deep connection he cannot explain and I should be ashamed of myself for accusing them of sleeping together (I called her after I confronted him) On the tape they were talking bad about me as well, like he dreaded not being with her (I miss you already baby... she was leaving town) and having to be with me. They both have held fast to the story. He then was having trouble figuring out what he wanted, within 10 days he told me he wanted out because he could NOT believe I would do something like that and has blamed me now for everything bad in the 12 years we have been together. He is still at my house, he barely speaks, will not touch me etc.... I cannot figure out one thing, if it is so innocent how do brother and sister talk and act like that.... I believe he has major feelings for he, she does not for him. She is now trying to get me to hang on and swears he loves me, he is just mad because of what I did.... am I crazy or NOT???? My gut tells me something happened, definitely emotional, maybe some touching etc.... this was a man that would never in a million years cheat on me, but he is weak hearted and insecure and I think she filled the void of our problems all to well.

...
written by Cheyenne , 28 April, 2007

My boyfriend of 2 years and 3 months has had feelings for another woman for a long time. Though, supposedly, he was over it when we were together. However, this last October, I found out that they'd kissed- his excuse was that he kissed her because she'd asked him to, and he did it so she'd "leave us alone." He's constantly mentioning how good-looking he thinks she is, what movie stars she looks like, and how smart she is (apparently she graduated as valedictorian, not to mention she played three Varsity sports in high school). And, at the occasional party he goes to, he can't seem to avoid getting in even a minor squabble with her. Sometimes they talk online and he deletes the messages afterwards. He gets mad if I talk about her, and tells me that I'm not allowed to say her name anymore. Actually, he's gone from being such a sweet, caring guy to being kind of an over jealous, untrusting, controlling one. I mean, he's had a really hard life, so I know he's got a lot of insecurities and low self-esteem and stuff, but still.
He's constantly accusing me of checking out other guys, or saying that I cheated on him a year ago- for the record, I never have cheated on him.
Honestly, I just don't know what to do.
It's so hard.

...
written by Lilmari , 30 April, 2007

Not sure where to begin, but I'm stuck in a situation where you know in your heart their has been others in his life, in one way or another. I have always looked the other way because he has never confessed and has always led me to believe that I am the crazy one and how dare me not trust him. I am mean for 16years I came to believe that it was all in my mind and deep inside I truly knew. I am mostly confused at the fact of that I am really putting my self last and actually allowing him to lie and know that he can get away with it. I get mad and hurt because he has changed through out the years, his decisions come first, we have no communication etc. I overlook everything just to avoid a fight. but now it's hard to not stand up for my self. I mean girls we all forgive and forget because we love. But but we don't realize is that they don't respect our feelings, feel bad about hurting us, and they sure don't try to keep us happy and keep the love going. they know we will forgive and forget and move on until we just accept that they will always be the same and one day we will have to take a stand.

...
written by Allison in Texas , 03 May, 2007

This is all too familiar. My fiance (boyfriend of 5 years) had a 4-month relationship with another woman in the months leading up to our wedding. We had been living in different cities short-term and I visited most weekends and everything was completely normal (fantastic conversations and sex). I guess he took weekends off from her. I was completely shocked and devastated when out of nowhere he had this major confession, an emotional & sexual relationship with an acquaintance of mine and who I thought was also an acquaintance of his. I never suspected a thing. After the shock passed 2 days later I started questioning if anything he told me was even true, so I checked his email (we used to share this really good password) and sure enough there were emails between them that revealed a lot. I told him to change his password so I would stop torturing myself reading them. A month earlier he had even asked me to add her to our wedding guest list! Is that denial on his part - convincing himself they were just friends, or what? I will never understand.

I cannot even imagine how much more life-overturning it would be with a long marriage and kids involved. I will never fully trust anyone again, that's for sure. In a few days it will have been a year since we split -- I'm still single and plan to keep it that way. Does anyone else feel traumatized?

...
written by just want the truth , 09 May, 2007

I am reading a ton of stories that sound like mine. I recently found out that my husband has been having a relationship with another woman for the last 2 months. Talking to her all the time, going out with her, with her friends and alone, staying out with her til 5 in the morning, texting her everyday. He says that they are just friends, that she was a good friend and listened to him, made him feel good about himself. He says that he stopped talking to her before I found out, that he realized that he shouldn't be talking to her whn he is married to me. The thing is, he says nothing sexual happened, but how can I believe that? Its like the only answer that I will believe is that he cheated sexually, not just emotionally. I do believe he had an affair, I just don't know if it was physical or not. He insists that there was never anything, but he lied about everything else, even when I had proof he kept denying it all. How do I know that he is telling the truth all of a sudden? I am afraid that I will never be satisfied with his answers. I don't trust him anymore at all.

...
written by Heartbroken woman , 18 May, 2007

Well, well, I am quiet surpprised that there are too many women who just like me - have found out my partner of three years have cheated on me for almost a year. I had a few bad relationships before I met my partner, and he knows I don't trust men because they are all the same - cheat their girlfriends, partners or wivies. Bur he made me to trust him totally by showing how much he loves me everyday. Untill one day, I accidentally opened his e-mail (I couldn't read everything as he fought it hard to close his e-mail from where I was reading), realized there has been something going on behind my back. Like others, he denied it straightaway. Swear nothing is going on, just someone he e-mail a couple of times when he was bored. I believed him, and gave him a chance. He still express his love to me everyday. Then, on our three year anniversary, I opened his e-mail, found out there has been 253 e-mails. In fact, he has never stop e-mail her after I gave him the first chance. The worst part, he was very hot and wild with her both in e-mails and on the phone, when my beloved dad just past away, and I was away for my dad's funeral. And again, he denied it, even I have forward all e-mails to my account and read some to him. he swear again, there is nothing going on in real world, just some non-sense e-mails. I know my heart was broken to pieces, as he begged me to saty, to trust him, I did give him a second chance. I thought he would take this chance. And then, last week, on his birthday, I found a birthday wish from her, and knowing she has sent a birthday gift to him by post. I don't know what's more I can say or do. I know I don't trust him anymore but I am still staying with him. Is there anyone can tell me what should I do?

...
written by angry:( , 25 May, 2007

I think I already know the answer but I would like some advice. I have been with my BF x 1.5 years now and had trouble from the very beginning. I know I should have gotten rid of him in the beginning. Anyways, here's the history: Early on he had major commitment issues, I shouldn't have even bothered! But I waited for him to come around like an idiot. About 3-4 months into relationship, I was diagnosed with something called molluscum contagiosum, in which my doctor explained were sexually transmitted. I did an inspection of him and found these gross little bumps like I had had all over him! I told him I had caught this from him and he denied having anything, until I finally made him go to the doctor. He then proceeded to tell me that he must have had them already b4 we got tg. Then I hear from "the girl herself" that she had sex with him at his house. She even described his bedroom to me. He DENIED like crazy and still does to this day. I worked at a casino, and one night when I got off, I saw him coming in after hours. He said hello, and walked me to my car to say goodnight because I was exhausted. Before I had left I realized I was missing my tip bag, so I ran back in only to find him hand in hand with a girl at the bar! What the hell! He was very drunk, I went up to him and he ignored me, his GF! I later find out that he took her to breakfast and let her sit on his lap from a friend who was there. He has had many txt msgs from girls. I hate to admit it but I go through his phone. He receives and sends calls to random girls at 3, 4, 5 in the morning! Now before we get tg he erases everything in his phone, or takes it with him wherever he goes, even the bathroom. If he leaves his phone on it goes off constantly. I found 2 pairs of women's thongs in his car, in which he tried to convince me that they were from a contest at a bar that he works at. There are many times he doesn't answer my calls or texts until hours later. He is a bartender and goes out after work at like 5 am and I cant get a hold of him. He is constantly going out with his guy friends/ yeah right. I know I should leave this guy I just need a little push.

...
written by never imagined it could happen , 25 May, 2007

Wow! Thought I was in a great relationship ! Been married 27 years-thought I was the apple of his eye-he always said the right thing, did the right thing. I began to suspect something about 2 years ago. He never talks in his sleep-began saying this womans name a lot-of course when questioned it was always work related. Sex changed-he was always "good to go" and all of a sudden had "trouble"-excuses ranged from tired to not in the mood. Now Ive caught him in numerous lies-mostly about where he is at that moment-not knowing I can see him. When I ask him if he has "anything to tell me" he laughs and says what would I have to tell you. You are imagining things is his favorite or you are paranoid. Now I tell him that I I already know the answer before I ask. He now just refuses to answer. So little does he know that I am writing everything down and sending a copy to his Mom and all his family-and my lawyer too !!!!! Life is too short to waste another 27 years !!!

...
written by shouldileave , 01 June, 2007

I have had my suspicions for a few months now. Just recently, I decided to get the truth. My wife of 3 ½ years has been in fact cheating on me. She has gotten herself so entwined with lies, that she canâ??t keep them straight anymore. I donâ??t think she has any clue that I know. Everything started with her talking about this guy from work. He has already wrecked a marriage already being involved with a married woman. My wife then started going out with her friends more often, all coworkers. Once in a while she would say that this guy was also with. Then came the phone calls, 5 times a day sometimes. Then the texts. She said that they were just friends. A little over a week ago I looked on her cell phone and in her sent messages (which she always deleted and forgot this one time) was two messages expressing her love for this guy and asking if he was ready for her. There was the truth that I feared that I would find. I still needed more proof I grabbed the phone book and blindly looked for this guy in it. I had the initials which she used in her phone and the first name. I also knew the part of town this guy supposedly lived. I found an address which was that part of town and hopped in my truck. On my way to that address I seen her car parked. What dumb luck, I find her car and it wasnâ??t the address I was looking for, but didnâ??t really know anyways. I called her and she said that she was out with a friend and that they drove. Sure, why not, but this is not where she said that she would be for the night,so another lie. So I knew what this guy drove and it wasnâ??t there. So I went back there later, and there it was. Now, I have the all proof I need. I know she wants to go out this weekend with her friends. I know that she will be with him again. The only thing different will be that when she gets back into her car the next morning, there will be a note saying â??we need to talkâ? with my wedding ring. I do love her, but how can I ever trust her again. She says she loves me and doesnâ??t want to hurt me. I will have to decide what I will do after she is confronted. I know all she is going to do is lie.

...
written by IN THE DARK , 23 June, 2007

I was in a relationship with this guy for 1 year. I felt like his stories were too far fetched so I investigated the situation. He in fact was married and I told his wife everything. This creep still wants to see me. He says he loves me and he will not stop texting and calling. I have told his wife every time he calls. Nothing will stop this man I don't know what to do next????

...
written by Crazy , 26 June, 2007

I live in a very small town, and it just so happens I went out of town for "Mother's Day" and when I came home I noticed my bed was not the way I made it when I left, I asked him if he slept in it and he said no. I also found that the pillow cases had been changed. I asked him what he did while I was gone with our 3 children and he said he went to the local bar in town with some people we play ball with which let me inform you are not the best people to be around. We have an unwritten rule that we don't visit bars without one another. A few weeks later I was told he brought one girl home and had sex with her in my bed. I was also told she is going around town telling everyone she did this with my husband. I confronted her, and she denies everything, as well as him. How do you stay in a marriage when you don't what the truth is, but need him to tell you so you can start the healing process? Our marriage has been rocky for sometime now, I too at one time was having a relationship with someone else, it was an emotional relationship. My husband still saw that as cheating. I can see now why he done what he did, but he should at least tell the truth. I did. What now?

...
written by masagegrl , 04 July, 2007

I have been married for 11 years to someone who I trusted with complete faith. We have a 9 year old daughter and I just had a little girl 5 months ago. For the past year I have felt a complete change in him as far as spending time with the family, coming home at 1 or 2 in the morning, not being affectionate with me. I just thought maybe it was stress and work and after the baby was born it would all go away. Last week I discovered he'd been having sex with one of my friends for the last year. He says he doesn't feel guilty because it was more than "lust". He says he wants to move on and rebuild with me but he will not stop talking to her!! He says he needs time to end it with her. I don't want to leave him because of my 9 year old who loves her dad and my little newborn who is just starting and needs a dad in her life!! But I don't know what I should believe? Someone please advise me

...
written by charlene , 06 July, 2007

You should never stay together cause of kids hell no...
Move on with your life what kind of role model is that to a child, get a big brother or sister for them...

...
written by Susie , 16 July, 2007

I am finishing treatment for breast cancer. As soon as my hair fell out my fiance started acting strangely. He saw me less and less. I was alone a lot and he ignored my request for help. He stopped any physical contact with me. I am know well on my way to recovery and he is still acting odd. I found out why. He is cheating with a co-worker. Both are cops. I am dumping him, I am sick of his lies and blaming me everything.

...
written by blanka3 , 17 July, 2007

I've been with my husband for 14 years. My relationship lacked intimacy with him due to his military career at first, then working graveyard shift, and finally when my kids and I moved out to another state because we bought house there. He couldn't find the same equivalent job at the time,so he lived there at his friend's place. I hoped he would find job soon but it took him 1 year and a half to come back to us. I trusted him. He visited me and kids almost every weekend. I thought he was too busy to have any woman at all, and I've just learned 9 months later that he had an affair with two women past year. I had a strong feeling that he was cheating before I found out the truth from one of the women he's been cheating with because his behavior towards me changed dramatically. He was irritable, constantly angry for no reason. However,I ignored the problem till she called him and I talked to her. She told me everything and about other woman as well he's been working with. He admitted some truth but not all of it, which makes it difficult for me to forgive him. He says she is making up lies. But for what? I keep going back and forth in the circles imagining things he's done with her and other woman. He won't tell me details. I'm blaming myself for ever letting him go his own way. I thought through this separation I would resolve the problem that we had in our marriage for some years. I let him chose what he wanted, and obviously he's made his choice. However, I feel so guilty now that our marrage might end because I won't be able to forgive him. We have two children 13 and 9. He's terrified that I might leave him now but I don't know how let the past go. I need to know the whole truth underlying his affairs. He said he was drinking, and other women weren't important to him, and whatever the woman said was lie. Then why would he continue his affairs not with one woman but with two for some period of time? I checked out all his calls he's made for the past year and a half. There were numerous calls coming from both women and him. I knew then he was living with them not with his friend. I was in shock. But how could I be sure, I kept denying things. The uncertainty surrounding his affairs is torturing. Important thing that I neglected brought my marriage to wreckage. If you feel your husband is cheating, you should pay attention to every detail. You could've prevented it in time, don't be in the state of denial, follow your instinct, and talk more to your husband about his or your concerns regarding marriage issues. He might start feeling guilty if he still loves you, and prevent further relationship.

...
written by merci , 19 July, 2007

Ive been married over 30 years and for the most part its been a nightmare due to his infidelities - not sexual he will never admit to that but emotional and porn. He formed a very close friendship with a younger woman when they worked together and the needs of his family went out the window. When I became pregnant with my third child he was furious and called me every nasty name he could think of. He was in no way there for me or our baby. He actually left me at home overdue with the baby and with 2 other small children and no phone, while he went supposedly to a party at his female friends house. Anyway when I returned to work after the baby was 6 wks old I worked with him but on a different shift she was on his shift, he ignored me completely would not communicate either at work or at home. He removed his wedding ring and cavorted with this woman in front of me at work, pulling her onto his knee doing the crossword at break etc. essentially behaving as if he was single.

...
written by proven suspicon , 21 July, 2007

I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I have checked his phone a number of times and almost every time I find a message from some girl saying Good Morning Baby, or some message that he wrote to a different girl referring to something sexual he hasn't done to her in a while, or I'll hear a voicemail message from a girl that says she misses him and loves him too. He gets mad at me for checking his phone most of all and tells me that the messages don't mean anything and that he loves me and only me. He tells me these are girls that he sometimes talks to on the chat line when he is bored and it's all innocent. But how innocent is telling someone you love them? To make matters worse, I just found out I'm pregnant about 2 weeks ago. What should I do? Would I be stupid to believe this was all in fun? Somebody Please help!

...
written by fool4life , 30 July, 2007

I've been with my wife for 15 years. We have 4 children. I can honestly say we were at one time madly in love with one another. But not so much anymore. I caught her cheating in the second year of our marriage. After many weeks of confronting her with my suspicions and many many denials that I was just paranoid or looking for the worst in her (of course full of tears) a friend gave me a phone tap device that I hooked up to a tape recorder in the unfinished part of our basement. Wow! Talk about evidence! There it was in all it's unbiased Memorex glory! I gave her one final shot at telling the truth and she even swore on my kids life that she was not being unfaithful. Then I played her the tape... don't ask why we stayed together. I don't have the answer to that. Well here it is 13 years and 4 children later and my suspicions are at it again. The business that we own together keeps her on the road for days on end across the country. I've recently started finding that her stories about where she is and what she's doing doesn't always line up with the hard evidence (i.e. roaming cell charges, gas receipts at odd-late hours of the night, cell calls to certain clients during her weekend stay-overs) Of course all I get is the well-rehearsed 'how could you think that way about me' tear-fest along with the usual body language that screams LIE, LIE, LIE! We have had a rocky relationship for years. I have a pretty bad anger management problem that I have been working on for years. No I do not get physical, but my verbal and emotional abuse can be down right despicable. I'm also a very controlling personality. I have read dozens of self-help books. Visited a number of therapists, and yes swallowed some pretty vile tasting pills to 'help out'. And here we are. I'm terrified at the prospect of my children not having Mom and Dad together with them at home. The stigma. All that. (yes, I'm a product of a divorced couple) I keep thinking of our promises and commitments we made on our wedding day and how we systematically dismantled them all slowly over time. I'm beginning to think... that there will never be any resolution to any of it. That we are destined to become part of a statistic. We really are trying... I just don't think we have it in us to make it. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

...
written by Can't move on , 15 August, 2007

I really empathize with the stories I have read on here and it also feels validating for me in my own situation.
It is devastating when someone cheats on you but for me what makes it even worse is when they will not admit it or admit all the details.

I've had the classic line about these women only being friends. There have been a few. I've also confronted the women who also claim it was only friendship. I have nothing against female friends but he was always so under cover about it.

I know I should have left him years ago. We have a three year old son who adores his father but I know this isn't reason enough to stay.

I'm haunted by what I don't know and it's impossible to rebuild the trust without what I have heard called 'full disclosure'. I've tried talking to him about this until I'm blue in the face and it's obvious to me that I simply need to move on but making the final break is proving difficult. It's like I'm determined to make him finally confess all (why bother?) but it's draining (on both of us)and it's been three years now and I'm getting nowhere.

I know what the answer is, like so many of us, it's just doing it.

...
written by chole , 25 August, 2007

My boyfriend of a year and a half and I met through mutual friends a while back... oddly enough we never knew each other the whole 2 years prior that I was a secretary for his dad's office and lived a mere few blocks from each other for almost a year as well. We instantly hit it off, but then his creep father (my boss, and known office whore using his power to get young new girls in low positions to mess around with him for better jobs) claimed to have had an affair with me. i was 19 years old at the time and this pervert was damn near 50! anyways, it caused a lot of drama and we had to see each other secretly because of his family for a few months... in that time, we found out we were pregnant. A few weeks after I told him, he had a one night stand with a girl he didn't even know, just found her on the computer. I found out about it 6 months later and was 7 months pregnant and DEVASTATED. He had emails between them that showed him telling her he was sorry for what he had done and that it was a huge, drunken mistake and that he cared about me a lot. And then there was no more communication after that. For the sake of our son (and because I love him so much) I decided to "forgive" him and continue our relationship. things have been great between us, but I still have doubts in the back of my mind. Recently, I had a bad feeling and checked his email account. I had went to see my family for an overnight visit and while I was gone, he had created an account on a "web-based sex personals site"... with a profile stating that he "loves women, everything about them" and that he is "good looking with a large *** that all women love." When I confronted him about it, I just went ballistic. He claims that he was just going to use the site to look at videos and pics like porn without having to "download it to our computer" for me to find... and that you have to create an account before you are able to see anything on the site ? I want so badly to believe this because I don't want to rip apart my family or cancel wedding plans that have already been arranged and then face the dreaded "whys" of all our friends and family members... but my gut is just not allowing me to fall for this completely. I need some help.. I don't know what do!!

...
written by No Name , 04 October, 2007

Many men just don't seem to view relationships like their partners do. When you think about it; the women that you know with this same mentality are often the ones that we chose not to be friends with. Because many of us have high moral and want a truthful relationship; kind people are often punished for others' mistakes! I never caught my husband cheating; physically. However, he shows all of the signs that he has minimal respect for me. When he tells me one thing, it often turns out to be the other. All of the women that he works with treat me as being in competition for him. He is often late when working alone with females; often an hour or more with no call. I find odd phone numbers and email addresses. He is highly secretive and defensive about everything that has to do with the computer and his telephone. I've found strange directions that led to a hotel. I found a dirty letter while doing the laundry for an easy sexual favor. Sex is often feelingless and detached; like I am just a whore. He closes his eyes all of the time during sex, and only wants himself pleased. He has become lazy and fat when around me; but when I surprise him at work; he is usually talking to another woman and looks like he is sucking in his stomach?
He tries to sense my uneasiness and suspiciousness all of the time. He tries to please me with food. He started putting horrible conclusions in my "talks" that I often with him. The conclusions are always; "why, because you think I'm with her"? It is almost like he likes the fact of me thinking that he is a cheater. Like he wants to get off to it. Often, I'm not even thinking that he would, it's like he wants me to go out and catch him b/c it would make his confidence grow. I'm just realizing that a man with no confidence is abusive in so many ways... mentally esp, and physically. My husband has announced that he wants a divorce, and it has actually made my day! He hits me then says "I could really hit you hard, if you want to complain". If any man hits you... you should always beware of him. If he is capable of raising his hand to you, then he is capable of cheating and so much more... even killing you one day. There IS NO EXCUSE to being physically or mentally abusive to one another. Often it is the person that is not able to share themselves that first becomes abusive. My husband hit me on our wedding night b/c I called him a name. Looking back, I wish I had divorced sooner. Any pain of loneliness could never amount to the feeling of having someone and still feeling alone. I suggest to find a way to make yourself happy if any person with this mentality gives you the permission for a way out.

...
written by stupid in California , 31 October, 2007

I was in a six month relationship with someone who was tormented by what he called "losing the love of his life". He always told me that he could not give to our relationship because he could not go through the heartache again of a breakup. He broke it off the official relationship with me, but never left my bed. Turns out that the reason he ended our "relationship" was to peruse a woman in Michigan. 10 months later they were engaged (I found this out recently) but he was still sleeping with me as "bed buddies". A year later, he called me up and asked if "we" could start over again. I initially turned him down but after 3 months, I gave in. I later found out he had started a relationship with his ex wife when I initially turned him down. So yes, for 6 months, he had his fiance in MI, me, and his ex wife. I found out the relationship in MI soon ended because of the long distance issue. I then found out about the ex wife and left him. For a month he stalked me, begging for me to come back to him. He asked me to marry him and bought me a nice big house. I stupidly wanting to believe all the lies, went through with the marriage. He promised that he would end all contact with both of these woman. This was the contingency that I would come back to him. Emails and letters that both these women wrote showed me that he keep his promise and broke off any contact. This was a year ago. It's only been recently that these woman have found out he's married. Now that they know, the ex wife sent him an email telling him that she'd moved on. The one in MI has begun emailing him regularly... first on his usual email address, then on a new email that he hid. At first these were just jokes that she was forwarding. Lately, they have been sexual in nature and signing it with the romantic nick name she used when they were together. I confronted him on it. He said that these were unsolicited emails and that she wanted to get back together again. He said he told her no because their long distance relationship didn't work before and that neither one would ever budge to move with each other. I asked him to make the emails stop, but it is clear that he has no intention, them latest came today. He will never see this because I deleted it, it just hurt so much. I have read many articles concerning confronting your cheating spouse and they all say basically that you shouldn't unless you have the smoking gun. He can always stick to his story that it's all her and he's doing nothing wrong and I should stay out of his personal things. I know it's the only way to the truth and wait for my smoking gun. I am so depressed that I can hardly get through the day. His reactions to my depression is to behave like the "perfect husband", more I love you's than anything else. It's over the top and I know it's nothing but lip service. He must feel a great ego boost that there are women out there still carrying a torch for him. He has needs that no one person can fulfill. I look back on all my decisions based on his lies and I can hardly believe that I could fall for all this. All the cliches... she's just a friend, that she wants him, that he told her no, that she's thousands of miles away... that I have nothing to worry about... he only wants me. I also find it hard to believe that I can truly recover from this and be in a healthy relationship again. I have lost faith and hope in that it even exists.

...
written by stupid in minnesota , 08 November, 2007

I thought I was the only one to feel this way. Reading all these comments makes me so sad. My husband and I have been married for three years and I absolutely trusted him and thought he would never cheat on me. But like a lot of you he has and he wont admit it. I found out completely by accident of course. He happened to accidentally leave his phone home one day and he got a call from a strange #. I shouldn't have but I did listen to the voice mail, and there it was a hey babe, message. When I confronted him he told me he didn't know why she would leave him that message she had just called him out of the blue a few days ago. Of course I didn't believe him. I moved to my sister and checked our phone records and it turns out he'd been talking to her daily for the last three months at that number. I looked deeper and it had been at least a year - using different numbers. He says they have only just talked and were just friends. But after reading all these posts I feel so stupid for believing his lies. Its been a few months now but I don't trust him. I want to forgive him and re-trust him but how do I know hes telling the truth when Ive caught him in so many lies? Please help.

...
written by -loveisblind- , 26 November, 2007

I think I'm leaving him tonight. I've found more than enough evidence. I've seen texts, I've saw his car at her (his ex's) house, and just the way he talks about her makes me sad. She was pregnant when they broke up, but she got an abortion about a month ago. When we first got together, he told me about the situation and that he needed to talk to her to make sure everything got cleared up, and he looked me straight in the eyes and promised me it would end after the abortion. It hasn't. I found texts saying "when do you wanna hang out next?' "get naked and I'll be right over', and other similar flirty texts. He also texts this other girl, calling her baby and other pet names... But I don't think their having a sexual relationship. Before we started dating, we had been best friends for about two years... and he always seemed a little flirty with me when he was with other girls but nothing more. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night. I just want him to admit it, stop talking to her and be happy with me... like he says he is. If he doesn't wanna be with me, he should just break up with me... Being put through this hell is way worse than being dumped.

...
written by 'Ashamed to say' , 10 December, 2007

Wow, I can't believe how many stories I've read that is so similar to what I am going through. I've been with my partner for almost 14 years we have 3 lovely children and own a lovely home and both have jobs. My partner has cheated on me so many times and still I chosen to stay with him for the sake of my children growing up without a father. Last year, we took a family trip overseas and we visited family which I have never met before. Anyway, my step-father's family invited us over for the weekend for a family party. My partner became interested in one of the cousins and told her that she wasn't related to me and that it was alright for them to have sex. It turns out that she turned him down and that night he became angry and blamed me and hit me. I then decided that enough was enough and tried to end the relationship but he begged and cried for me not to leave and yes, you would have guessed I chose to stay. He was great for a year until recently, we attended a wedding and he had too much to drink and became aggressive towards me again. I tried to escape and leave with my kids in the car and he tried to be a hero and smashed my car. The same scenario once again saying he's sorry and will not happen again. I am so desperately wanting to leave this relationship but just don't know how too but I've never felt so strong in wanting to leave him. I don't think alcohol is an excuse. HELP!

...
written by So confused..why? , 31 December, 2007

Well, I have been married almost 6 years. When I was pregnant with our youngest, my husband would be out till about 4 in the morning every chance he got on the weekends. He didn't want a baby at the time either. I've found messages on his phone to other women asking them if they wanted him to take them for a ride on his motorcycle. After about the 4th one (I thought I had enough evidence) I finally confronted him. This included a 16 year old girl that called me saying that her mom told her to call me and tell me that he needed to stay away from her. Anyways, he denied every bit of it. When I took the kids and left he finally admitting to knowing them but never had sex with them. We worked through things but I'm still having trust issues. Now he's a truck driver and I've found stains on his sheets and condoms missing and he has perfect stories for that the second I ask about them. From day one, he always gets mad when I confront him and turns everything around to where I'm the bad person or that I did something wrong. He gets upset because I'm so self conscious and says I look fine and wishes that I'd believe him. How am I supposed to feel after what has gone on and what I've seen (and he's denied). He's got all these naked women pictures in his phone (which I know guys do), but how is that supposed to make me feel. I feel like I'm not good enough for him and that I need to become perfect like those women in order for him to truly love me. Call me stupid but the sad thing is that I still love him. I've been totally faithful to him. I've never even looked at another guy in ways I shouldn't. I've given him everything and this is what I get in return. I don't get it. Anyways, thanks for taking the time to read this... I needed to vent.

...
written by nash , 26 January, 2008

He's is cheating and lying through his teeth. I have been married for the pass 4 yrs been with this guy for the past 9 yrs and he had a girl almost living with every night. He said he was at work, but he was at work at her home making babies. Get to the bottom of it or take a trip to her house. You need to know. Don't live on regrets.

...
written by dalin , 05 February, 2008

I have been married for 23 years and through out the marriage my husband had been unfaithful. 15 years ago his mistress called me and when I confronted him he denied and said it was a plot by his business rivalries to set him up. He kept on concocting incredible stories to cover himself but everything was as clear as day. I booted him out, be begged for another chance and I gave him cos of my two children then aged 9 and 11. I love my children very much and gave him that chance. he has never admitted to the affair and under the cloak of becoming a god fearing man and going to church he continued the affair with her. I discovered his lies two years ago and he agreed to go for counseling. He went for only 1 session and has not make any changes but continue to lie. I finally have enough and call it quits but am staying in the same house for the sake of my daughter's education. Once she graduate next year I will move out of our present house with our son. It has been very painful cos I kept on trying for the children and hoping for the children's sake he would work at the marriage since he claim he love the children so much esp my daughter. However I know everything is over and he is a really a nasty person once he is exposed and I know it is impossible to reconcile and restore when he is still going with his tall tales of denial. my greatest regret is giving him another chance.

...
written by shannon3girls , 12 February, 2008

I am 26 years old and all ready been married twice. My husband and I have been together for seven years. We've had more than our fair share of life's ups and downs. Recently we've hit our lowest of lows. I left in the middle of December to sober up. He was all for it and then two weeks later he started an affair with a 20 year old girl with no responsibilities. Now she's hollering she's pregnant to "win" him. Because I know him so well I know that he feels caught between the two of us. But he can't even admit it to either one of us. I just feel like giving up because I really don't know what to do.

...
written by RagDoll , 17 February, 2008

Over the years I have caught BFs cheating/lying, and over the years I became more tainted, some would say; I like to think I have become more realistic. Its not that I want to BE distrusting, I just believe in approaching a relationship more scientifically... First fact, the majority of men lie, and or cheat....at least if they think they will not get caught. Could that be the key?

Do cheating men assume they can get away with it perhaps? and like a GF is always saying ..."if you permit it you promote it" thus... are we in fact permitting some of this bad boy behavior... by handing over trust too soon? or without proving that investment safe right away?

This is not to say there are not very loyal and devoted men out there. I think there are, BUT.... I think they are the ones who will not have a problem with women thinking outside the box with a newer...trust-process...

FIND OUT about him....early on.... "in the "beginning" And lay out the facts to him....so as not to be/seem like a sneak or a snoop, or a cheat yourself. Whats wrong with saying to a guy "I do not hand over my trust. and I may have things I am curious about with your life over time ....that is if you want to earn my trust."

A good relationship should have a solid foundation of communication. with this....(and a few other things) trust can be built....over time.
Think about telling him "whatever you are doing behind my back...I can and will do behind yours....if you stay in touch with old GFs, or go out with coworkers....I can and will do the same with guys." See what he says?

I believe ....as many now do, that trust should be earned, not handed over with the word LOVE. It should not have to go hand in hand with love. I believe this was something mentally driven into us over time by men, for the sole purpose of holding most of the power in the relationship.

Real trust is proven, slowly over time. And smart people know this....men who are loyal...I believe, get this. Would you put all of your hard earned money into investments that are not proven safe?
Think of trust as an investment, of your time....effort...love...heart, body, and soul....shouldn't this be the way it is ....for all of us? (both genders really)

And its no longer the 50's ladies, we do not have to play Barbie just because our mothers did. Cheating/lying men typically want a BARBIE at home. Look good, be nice, play nice, trust me, ask NO questions, give me what I want...when I want it Barbie. These guys will tell you you are crazy, paranoid ...call you nasty names, start fights, and do anything that allows them to feel better or OK with what they are doing behind your back ....esp. if you start calling them on things.

However, this too is not to say we do not need a balance....you have to manage your thoughts and feelings and be objective with yourself also. Focus on FACTs...the fair and loving things he does to help you feel safe and trust him...as well as things he does not. and keep in mind, NO ONE is perfect.
Be realistic with yourself and what you expect from a man Tell him you have been betrayed before and will NOT stand for it...and expect his patience with your "trust process" in him. You may find he too suffers from the same frailties.

But above all else, determine what YOU are willing to live with ....MEN generally do not change, women usually CHANGE to suit them. And men that need to go to bars or be with the boys allot, usually at some point in time....DO get into TROUBLE.
Men that excuse their behavior or blame you for it are typically bad apples and NOT worth your effort or love. Finally, STOP thinking that there is something wrong with you, or what you gave in the relationship if you find your man has cheated or lied, REALIZE it is something WITHIN him that has caused him to act this way....and he will perhaps do it again to you, or that next chick; recognize when something IS not meant to be. For although all relationships are work...it did and always will take TWO for them to be successful and endure over time. Realize what you need and settle for nothing less~

...
written by mistyblues , 23 February, 2008

Try being married for over 35 yrs and now his so called girlfriend from 25 yrs ago is still trying to find him.. The kicker now is that a young girl is calling family members for info on my husband.. Can she be a daughter? Then to top things I caught him on the internet looking at porn last month... I didn't spy on him. I was trying to print a recipe and 8 pages of porn came out!... He couldn't deny that one..the punishment.. I had him tell his adult child of his cheating on me.. He was so ashamed and sworn off the computer! As for the other woman, she needs to get a life and as for the younger girl she will need DNA proof to believe her story! And now we are closer than ever. He only has access to local tv channels... and no family members as I told them all what was going on! Why should I carry his sham??? I raised his child alone... think I deserve credit for this?

...
written by Mwaka , 04 March, 2008

Its very sad... why do men do this to people they have made vows to... yesterday evening when I was leaving work on my way home... I met an old friend of mine. She told me that she had broken up with her husband. She then asked if I have about 30 minutes to spare because she wanted to tell me something. She stated that she has met my husband with another woman and even described her... I want out of this marriage but have 3 children aged 7 yrs, 5 yrs and 6 months... I do not want to waste time and live in sorrow... I can't take it and I will forgive but cannot stay with him... I don't care what my parents or his family members say... Why do we have to be the ones being cheated on and have to live with this? I will not tolerate nonsense...

...
written by fool in love with a fool , 31 March, 2008

I was married once before (to a verbally and emotionally abusive man) and can only compare my relationship to an unbelievably bad one. I'm not sure I am being overly dramatic. But after three years and my second marriage to a man that everyone else sees as "kind and gentle" I am ready to give up on all men.
In the beginning of our relationship I made many excuses for him not having any time to pay attention to me during his time at school. And there were women he spent more time with him then I was able because of it. Then at his graduation he arrived late to dinner with his family while I stood waiting for him to finish taking pictures with one woman who clearly had more feelings then "friendship". I cried and he promised that he had no idea that it bothered me despite my body language and nagging at him that night. then a month later when I moved to a completely different city to live with him I was informed by another college "friend" that they had drove around one night for a couple of hours and "held hands" which isn't a big deal and I just explained to him that it was unacceptable behavior and that I would not accept a re-occurrence. Then 6 mos later he broke up with me for a week to decide if he really loved his ex-girlfriend (ex-fiance due to moving away for school) and not me. I almost left but I loved him and when she went back to college our relationship just continued as if nothing ever happened. Except he wanted to refrain from intimacy for a while until he was certain that he was ready for marriage. then I found porn in his room and he replied "I don't know why I bought that, I just had an impulse." so I told him that porn was unacceptable especially when he had a real live hottie at home that was more than capable to fulfill any one of those fantasies (me). Well then everything seemed better and we got married a year later. Shortly after an old friend began to email him and tell him how much she missed him and how great he looked and how she wanted him to tell her all about his life so they could be best friends again. well when I found out I erased the email account and made a combined account for the two of us which is why I was especially surprised to see an email address pop-up that I had never seen and resembled an email address he had before we even met (that had been linked to an on-line dating site). He didn't know I was aware of the previous account and I asked if he had ever attempted to meet anyone on-line for sex or just to chat. he replied with out hesitation as he laughed it off "no, I'm not that smooth." so I let it go and asked him a month later if he had ever cheated on me and he became angry and asked who had been saying anything to me. I told him that no one had to and that I had evidence. And he denied once again ever looking for sex on the internet. Until I rattled off the email address I had found and what I had seen in the email and two on-line dating accounts. he used his exact age and described himself exactly, so I wonder why he would say he was looking for intimate encounters, three somes and sexual chat on the his profile if he claims that he never intended to meet anyone. But I know that he had discussed real times and locations with these few women he chatted with and even had naked pics of himself to send to them. But he denies meeting them or sending the pictures, he claims that he hesitated to cross the line of infidelity and even stopped closed the accounts (conveniently closed the costly on-line dating accounts the same time that we decided to close our individual bank accounts and open a joint account). I don't trust him... he lied even when originally questioned until faced with cold hard fact, then promises that he loves me more then life itself in the same breath. He opened the on-line dating accounts the same month we were married and continued for 4 mos. I would have never known except for accidentally stumbling on the evidence. I tried to originally be better then all those sexy women I felt I needed to compete and now only a few mos later I feel resentful for investing so much time and effort into a relationship and a man that is below me. please help... I don't know if I am wasting even more time by staying committed to a marriage that was built on lies from the start.

...
written by Rinribas Riseder , 09 April, 2008

I am a newly wed wife. I've been married for less than a year and already my husband has cheated on me. Physically, emotionally, you name it. The first person he's cheated on me with is his ex-wife, they are on the phone together. She's calling him up everyday spending at least hours on the phone. My husband loss his license so he got caught speeding. Well it came out that he spent the night with Valarie. When my husband is being unfaithful he turn off his phone. I know my husband is a cheater. Women this is a wise thing, I purchased eblaster and spector pro for less than 130bucks online. Download both on the computer. Have it be sent to your email address. Retrieve all info from where he is and wherever he goes. Also, if your hubby cheats on the phone and text message theirs a website call Retrieved R, put his number in and pay a one time fee of 15.00. I'm using him as bait. I figure currently my husband makes all the money. He's on his last leg and sooner or later he's going to be gone. Don't get me wrong, but I don't work not as of yet, but when I do I will save up all my money. Plus my husband still gives me a huge portion of the money. Stop giving him sex. Women we know how we can do it. But this is good, because when you go to court this is your evidence as infidelity. I figure I will be on my feet in another 1 to 2 years. Until then, I say nothing, but I distance myself. In fact, women start doing what I am doing. Filling up your schedules, like for me I spend a lot of time in the gym. I figure when I finish losing my weight and get my things in check I will leave his butt. When your divorce you can only get so much. I don't need to sound like a gold digger but the way I see it is if I let him know right now I lose, but if I wait till I am back on my feet I win. Keep denying him of it, eventually, it will be like he's paying you to live there. Eventually you will save enough that it wouldn't even matter. Also to Angelica, word of the wise men cheat, unless you are equally yolk and have a good men that really truly love you, I'm talking about the "Notebook" kinda love, where they would lay down their life for you, he will always find someone who looks better, who is more fun, who is more like their mama, etc. Face it women who are married compete with unmarried men. The sad truth is that men are now less faithful to their women then they were fifteen years ago. My grandparents were married for fifty seven years, and the love they still have together is the type of love you only find in the movie. Marriage is already hard and difficult. Try to find some way to separate yourself. Also, stop telling them you love them. Tell them thank you and be polite, but I found the less I say I love you, the more I feel confident, and better. Saying I love you brings about attachment and feelings. Detach yourself. One or two things will happened. The first is he will notice that you have become withdrawn and he may try to save you. Or he may walk away.

...
written by Ditto , 24 April, 2008

Wow! Are we all married to the same creep? Rinribas - good advice. Thats what I'm doing to. I can't find that site "retrieve r", can you post a link?

Amy R.

...
written by Ditto777 , 07 June, 2008

I was married to someone that I met quickly and married quickly. Met him online. I am a woman of truth and integrity---he professed to be the same when we spoke and in email. I have since learned many lessons from being married to this guy. During our first year of marriage, while professing his love for me and that "I'm the best thing that has happened to him" and "You are so amazing, I finally know what real love is". Blah, blah blah. You get the point. While he tells me this over and over, AND I BELIEVED HIM, he was on several dating websites, posing as a single man, fabricating stories about himself. He also had an emotional affair with one woman in particular, looked at all kinds of porn. And these are just the things I knew of. This went on about 11 months before I found it all out one day. Because he had lots of childhood issues, I gave him another chance. He swore he wanted to be a better man, become a better man. The next two years, I thought he was keeping his word. We decided to divorce in year four of our marriage. He hung around for a few months until he moved out of town. I discovered through computer usage and other programs, that he was back to his "old patterns"----on many dating websites, compulsively lying, had slept with two women and carried on an emotional affair with another one. I tell you all this because 99% OF MEN WILL NOT CHANGE. DON'T GET SUCKED IN GIRLS, REMEMBER, THE BEST PREDICTOR OF FUTURE BEHAVIOR IS PAST BEHAVIOR. AS WITH MOST OF THE GUYS ABOVE, THEY DO NOT TAKE ANY RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS. That should be your first clue. Do they play the victim role? Another clue for you. This guy was deceptive, manipulative, compulsive liar, immature, irresponsible, etc. I could go on and on. I thought he had potential but I finally realized that he didn't want to be in this marriage. The signs were there... but every time he apologized, tugged at my heartstrings, I thought he wanted to change and become an honest guy. NOT!!!. I know there is a great guy out there for me but that's not my focus now. My ex is online all the time, talking to 20 women, lying to them and I feel sad for them. It will be a roller coaster ride! Hope they get out sooner than I did.

...
written by Damo , 11 June, 2008

I am sat here tonight reading all the stories on this site and have noticed that the majority of experiences are written by cheated wives, and the common theme amongst them is that ALL men are liars and that you should ditch your man if he lies to you and has repeated affairs. Does the same apply if you are a husband whose wife has cheated on him?
I am a cheated husband and I found out my wife was having an affair exactly a month ago now. I have been with my wife for 14 years and have been married for 6, happily so I thought. We have a 3 year old daughter together and my wife has two older children aged 14 and 18, whom I have brought up for all these years as my own. When I married my wife, it was for life and I wept as she walked down the aisle because I was so much in love with and proud of the woman who was to become my partner for life. However, over the last goodness knows how many months, I've noticed many things which should have told me that things weren?t right. Everyone around me, including my boss at the time, family, friends etc, suggested to me that there might be something going on with her because her habits had changed somewhat, but when I questioned her about my suspicions, she always had what sounded like a valid response, so I chose to believe her.
I found out that she was having an affair purely by chance as such. One of the habits that my wife had changed was to start keeping her mobile with her at all times. This started about 12 months ago or more, following years of me telling her to turn the thing on at least, or what?s the point in having a mobile! She had left her phone unattended which was a rare sight these days, so I took the opportunity to have a quick look. I went into her call log and it was empty, so I then checked the messages and there in the Inbox was a picture of my wife, taken in a bedroom I didn?t recognize, dressed in sexy underwear which I had never seen before, with the message YUMMY written below it. In her Outbox were 2 photos of her topless, which had failed to send!
The name of the person who had sent her the picture in her underwear and the recipient of the pictures in the inbox was the name of my mother?s dog (Milly)! I called the number to see who might answer and asked for a totally random name. It was a male who answered which confirmed my suspicions so I confronted her about it. What I didn?t expect was complete denial and the biggest load of tosh you have ever heard in your life about who this person was. SHE was apparently a woman in her office that let other people use her phone. The lies continued until I actually rang Milly from my mobile in front of her this time and asked him when he answered, who I was speaking to. He quite readily gave me his name (which was not Milly) which I repeated out loud. This was the first time I had known what he was called. At that point, my wife ran out of the house!
Since then, I have been told more lies than I can care to remember and have also confronted my wife and her boyfriend as they came out of his house one morning a couple of weeks ago when she had told me that she was stopping elsewhere. I didn?t get violent, but I did show aggression towards his car as he stuck his fingers up at me and laughed as he drove away, leaving me and my wife to continue talking in a fashion on the street.
I have been the one though, through all of this who has offered an opportunity to get back together and to try again, but for a month now, my wife has been refusing to let her boyfriend go just in case I don?t want her back. Tonight, again, she has lied to me telling me that she was somewhere else but I drove over and saw her at his house again with my own eyes, but guess what? She still denies she was there with him! Damo
I love my wife and don?t hate her, but I hate the lies and the deception and the fact that she is still seeing him. For us to work again, or to even start talking about it, she must first dump the boyfriend and I have also asked that she look for another job as he works in the same department as her. I don?t know what the future holds for us yet but if the lies and the boyfriend continue, we are over for sure. My heads all over the place not knowing if I can forgive her for what she?s done or not and can I ever learn to trust her again
To finish off, not all men are cheats, some are loving husbands like me who just like the women who have been hurt on this site, didn?t deserve any of this. I committed myself to my wife when we were married and it was for life but she has now betrayed me, not just with the affair and the pictures, but the lies and the deception. Can we ever work it out I ask myself? Any thoughts would be appreciated as I?m at a loss what to do.

...
written by Jenelle , 11 July, 2008

Hi Damo

You need to leave your wife. It takes two to tangle and it also takes two to work things out. Looks like she doesn't want to work things out and sorry to say this, but you look like a sucker now. Anyone reading this, if you have been cheated on, LEAVE, don't come back for more. You're just setting yourself up. Good luck.

...
written by GetingSmarterInToronto , 16 July, 2008

Early last summer I fell in love with someone during a very vulnerable time in my life. Our friendship and companionship quickly blossomed, and I felt a genuine magic between us. Since we had both just ended long-term relationships a considerable part of our bonding experience concerned what had failed in our previous relationships and what we wanted for our future. We definitely shared an idyllic conception that we were one another's soul mate, and I experienced a happiness that I've never known before...But, as seems to be the case with all of these sad tales I've empathized with this evening, our bliss was short-lived. About six months into our relationship I started to notice that he was becoming more secretive when writing emails, txt mssg, and telephone calls. So I started to snoop and found the names of several strange women on his phone. I immediately ended the relationship. A week passed and he begged me talk him back, explaining that he had zero interest in these other women, just friends, one might be interested in him but he's not in her, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Sadly, I took him back. Then, another few months later, I find out that not only has he been talking on the phone to some other women in another town who is "into him" but now his ex-girlfriend (who moved to another city) also wants him back! I tell him that I NEVER want him to contact me again. Guess what he does? He calls my best friend and convinces him that he really, really is only in love with me and that he has no interest in these other women who are calling him. Like an absolute fool, I take him back. And things are good...for a while. Then, the cycle starts up again...A couple of weeks ago he and I decide that its just "not working" between us. He had become really irritable and aggressive towards, even emotionally abusive. So, we end the relationship. But something is really nagging at me. In fact, I keep having these crazy nightmares that he is with someone else and that his interest in that relationship is the real driving force behind his discontent and maltreatment of me. Sure enough, after some investigative work on my part I find out that he's been out with a recently separated women and all her friends the very night he told me that he was going out with his University pals. And I even found a (hazy) picture for proof. But here's the climax: Can you believe that when I confronted him not only did he deny it, he also threatened me -- the person he still claims to love so dearly -- with a restraining order if I contact him again?!? Apparently, I am crazy and really losing it this time. Pathetic. Listen up ladies: just because it looks fantastic on the outside doesn't mean it isn't rotten to the core on the inside. Sometimes you have to put your fork in and dig awhile to find out just how unappetizing the meal really is. If you went to an expensive restaurant and ordered the best thing on the menu only to find out that maggots were breeding inside, would you really stomach what was on your plate just because you had been looking forward to eating there all day or because you might not find another restaurant open at that time of night? I do not think so. Similarly, when you find out that the person you have poured your heart, soul, trust, confidence, forgiveness and dreams into is at best never gonna satisfy you, and at worse potentially pass along some disease that'll really make you sick (mentally or physically), I say walk away from the table. Starve before you accept the crappy scraps of a lying, manipulative, deceitful and self-destructive person. You deserve only the finest and the best.

...
written by sweet pa , 27 August, 2008

I thought I was the only fool. All the text messages I found I probably could write a book. One evening my husband of 15 years asked me how to spell the word baffle. Low and behold he text a woman stating how his heart baffles for her. My husband got an IPhone its has a security code, I was able to crack that code. I just recently (July 17th 200 I saw a picture he took of P O, she right there smiling. My heart almost melt in me. These men just would stop. I asked if there is an affair just like all these other liars-DENIAL.

...
written by jayrose , 28 August, 2008

I have been married for 6 years with two beautiful children. My husband treats me really well at times. He helps with the laundry, he makes breakfast every morning, he takes the children to school and if I have to work late he picks them up and takes care of them. He does not go out at night. He is self employed and makes a good dollar for us. We travel almost every year, the entire family. You may think with all of this that I should be happy, well I am not. My husband is very aggressive and controlling, He is the sweetest man when things are going his way. Last December, the 22nd to be exact he beat me really badly, he said that I was cheating on him. He checked my underwear one night when I came in late from work and said that I was screwing around on him. He does not want me to have any male friends, I agreed to this and I told him that I should be afforded the same privileged. If I cannot have male friends then he should not have female friends. This is where the argument started. I am sometime so scared for my life after the first time he hit me. I sometimes tell myself that I should get a divorce but I have become so dependent on him that I do not think I can make it on my own sometimes. We are not talking right now, simply because I was having a telephone conversation with him and my female neighbour who seem to be in very close proximity to him whilst we were talking, and I said to him that I did not approve of this and because of this we are not speaking. He gets really angry and with my stupidity I am always the one who tries to get thing going for us again. Today I am trying to be strong and not say anything to him. I feel lost and confused right now. I WONDER IF HE IS CHEATING ON ME, simply because he can be so aggressive at times.

...
written by Kurliq , 02 September, 2008

Have any of you people ever stopped to consider that you don't OWN someone else? I think that spying on a loved one means you might as well hang it up, and seek counseling for your own internal issues. I, for example, spend a lot of time having fun with other women, and I am open with my wife about everything. She is of course free to do as she pleases with other men (or women ;-). If I couldn't be myself around her, and had to sneak around like some kind of child, I wouldn't spend any time with her, or anyone else who would treat me as their property. It is this paranoid sense of ownership that is causing marriage to be seen as less and less important by most men.

By the way, I came to this site to find out about glance behavior in lie-detection, not detecting cheating. I agree with the author's conclusion that watching which directly people glance is, well, inconclusive. My wife and I both glance to the right while speaking, and we are both honest with each other as we have no reason to lie, given the paragraph above.

...
written by r-dub , 09 September, 2008

I had cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years 3 times. The pain I feel every time it happens is unbearable. She finally found out about it all, and I did not know what to do . I could not own up to what I had done. I just got more and more depressed. Finally I decided to seek therapy. I now can happily say we have been married for 13 years. Sometimes, Guys can be given another chance and have everything work out.

...
written by jryan , 22 September, 2008

It is pretty amazing to hear the lies, the denial, the insistence that you are crazy, from those that cheat, isn't it? And isn't it tough when you know, inside, that they are lying, that something is wrong: but you just don't know how to get out? Because you do care, because you do love them, and because you do want it all to just be better and go away?

Well, can it?

I don't know, either.

Statiscally, we are of course shown that most people do not change. I believe they are capable of it. But they must have real reason to. And let's face it, we may never be able to provide the reasons (loss of public face, loss of job) that would motivate some to be honest and have character.

Overall, I think that we should just get rid of them, and find others that are better.

But I also know that this doesn't serve to strengthen our communities or to help others.

So instead: can we seek help with them? Can we help, somehow?

(Except, oft times: the cost to ourselves, is too big. I know the pain and tears I myself have felt and suffered. I do not know I can or could endure more.)

They are addicts. Addicts of excitement and attention. They "don't mean to hurt anyone" (how many times have we heard that one). Maybe they do, need help. They are like little children who are making bad choices, again and again. I agree we want a partner who is an adult. And yet, aren't we all, as well, sometimes, like little children?

They don't see or understand the condequences. They see it in front of them and then they take it.

Granted, this is underdeveloped behavior.

But if you are in love with someone like this?

First, realize you could love someone else. And to be where you are IS a choice. There ARE others out there, and there is prove of that.

Next, don't take it personally. ANY of their actions. Try not to.

And last: children need to be given boundaries and to have consequences. So be firm and have self respect. They must improve their behavior to return, and they must be willing to be totally transparent.

If they aren't, you have to leave. If they ever decide to be, then you can see if you are still in a spot where you want to continue the relationship.

I myself am in serious pain right now. Just lies and more lies. With a neighbor woman. His best friends girlfriend this time. Prior to that it was with his x wife. Before that, a girl he works with.

You know, there is always a story or explantion behind it. But there are also, just patterns of behavior that exist. And in the end, you can just look at the repetitive behavior and the numbers and call a spade a spade and accept it, yourself. What else are you going to do? (just keep trying and crying, I know.)

I do know how hard it is to get out. I haven't yet done it. As we speak he is leaving voice messages and texting and texting. He denies most everything and just tries to act like nothing is wrong. That is his method. My mind knows better--I have been sick to my stomach now, for months. Just last week he held me while in bed, asking what he could do to help me feel more secure, while hours earlier, I later find out: he had been with someone else.

Wow. It's a sickness that they have.

Don't take it personally.
Have boundaries.
Let them decide what they are going to do with the boundaries you have set.
Be okay with moving on, yourself. Plan on it. Start.

I wish luck to all of those who have posted, here. With texting and instant communication, it is easier and easier to cheat and to justify cheating. Don't do it yourself. Live a higher law, and try to improve our communities and others by being strong in what you believe, and allowing others the chance to improve.

...
written by lapp , 28 September, 2008

I can't for the life of me figure out why cheaters get married in the first place. They can have all the women they want with out bringing into the picture some innocent woman who then falls in love with them. I have often wondered why so many of us stay with cheaters knowing full well that they are creeps and we are angels. RagDoll you made a lot of sense....

...
written by . , 30 September, 2008

I need the truth so much at this point (I've been with him for two years or more). But all I have to go on, is a bunch of situational lies and a gut feeling.

I complimented a girl in our college yesterday, told her she was very pretty. It happened to be a girl who was a junior of his from his department. Five minutes later I received a phone call from him, yelling at me and asking me if I was retarded or something.

When I asked why, what the hell was wrong with him, he told me, I had freaked out that same girl. I told him I was going to go meet her and sort this out. He was at home at that point and a few seconds later, he was driving to our college, yelling at me and telling me he didn't want me to talk to anyone or fight with anyone.

I was curious as to why, but the fact was, he was protecting her from something. He was protecting her from me and he proved exactly that. I have heard rumors about him and this girl before. I just want the proof so he will let me go as well. The last time he broke up with me, he caused me to lose our child. I had a miscarriage. I want him gone from my life for good this time. I cannot forgive him now.

...
written by FedUpFed , 08 October, 2008

Anyone who looses you too much in a relationship, always think twice, i.e. loosing you a child.

If anybody fails you at the 11th hour, keep an eye on them. It may not be worth it pursuing a relationship.

...
written by Concerned Guy , 17 October, 2008

I am a married man who has several guy friend whose families spend time with my wife and me on a fairly regular basis. It is very interesting to me how things really do generally start off so benign. Several of my friends have cheated, not ongoing affairs, but are very unwilling to do anything they think will get them caught and jeopardize their family life.

The funny thing is that the guys that do this stuff on a regular basis are great family guys, but there is/was some issue that was never resolved.

1. For example, one guy who had been trying to get his wife to work out with him and do some more outdoorsy things like they used to, eventually stopped. She was upset with him for "nagging", so he stopped, but that is not necessarily good. He found someone that he works out with and does some of the outdoorsy things with him. There is nothing really sexual about the whole thing, but there have been a couple of kisses, no sex. Since they are both married, they have fought to keep the relationship acceptable, but it's hard to do when you spend that much time with someone who enjoys your passion (life hobbies).

My point is that if your significant other is pleading with you to do things you used to do, but then suddenly stops, you need to ask yourself why the sudden change. Is it that he had decided to stop "nagging", or has he found someone to handle it for him?

2. Another friend, who is also a great family guy and works hard to provide and care for his family, does not have affairs. However, he likes to go to massage parlors and strip clubs to have exciting sexual situations that he says the wife will not do - fellatio. He has never had intercourse with any woman other than his wife, but he gets this one thing from other women whenever the opportunity presents itself. He does not text, stay out late, call anyone, or disappear for any length of time.

The point is that he has not had the classic change in habits that would signal any problems. In fact, now that that one need is handled, he is more focused than ever on his kids and taking care of the family. Once again, if your spouse suddenly stops asking for something that is obviously important to them, you need to ask yourself why. Did you satisfy their need ro did someone else?

3. The funniest thing is that I have one friend whose wife accuses him of cheating on a fairly regular basis, but he knew she had trust issues going in. It doesn't help that he buys her flowers randomly and other gifts randomly, since for some reason this is the sign of a cheating spouse. I think it should be a sign that something reminded him of you and why he loves you. She has asked me before and I have told her that he loves her and has never cheated on her, but she is going to drive him away with that level of suspicion. He has since consciously stopped buying her flowers and little gifts, except on special occasions. Now she wonders why.

My point is that if you have a good husband and there are no signs, you need to be careful about being suspicious over everything. Just because he buys you flowers or gifts on a random day, does not mean he feels guilty about something. It may mean that he was thinking about you and wanted to show you that he was thinking of you and loves you. Women, you need to realize that we will do things just to see your smile, so don't be suspicious every time he goes above and beyond.

Ladies, I hope this helps.

...
written by Greg07 , 14 December, 2008

And I suppose wives never cheat on their husbands right? Oh no, that never happens.

...
written by CJ King , 14 December, 2008

I cheated on my wife. It wasn't something I planned, it just happened. I work at an insurance company doing filing work. Well, one day a new woman comes to the office. She is a new employee. She works right next to my cubicle. Immediately, we hit it off. I had also been having trouble at home. My wife recently had a baby, and all her attention has been on it. This baby was never planned and was born out of wedlock. She has been paying attention to me only sporadically, baby takes up way more time. Anyway, this lady shows much more interest in me, and she's single. We get closer and closer emotionally. One night, we were working late, and no one was there but us. We finally both went to leave, and she started up her car, but it immediately died. I offered to drive her home, and she accepted. We went to her place, and I stayed for dinner after calling my wife and telling her I was working late. After dinner we sat down on the couch and kept talking. It was still storming hard outside, so I had no intention of driving in that weather. We moved closer and closer together until we were right next to each other. I leaned forward for a kiss, and she accepted. This lead to even more kisses, and soon we were ripping each others' clothes off, and running to her bedroom. It was a fun night. My wife called about three times, and eventually I answered it. I was jolted back to reality, and realized I had cheated. I said a quick goodbye, and left. When I got home, my wife was furious. Apparently I hadn't hung up, and I had been overheard saying goodbye to "the other woman". She guessed right. I confessed, and all hell broke loose. I explained my reasoning, and she refused to acknowledge any fault. Since then, it has happened again and again. We are now filing for divorce, and I couldn't be happier.

...
written by Dannielle , 17 December, 2008

I have been with my husband for 8 1/2 years and we have been trying to have a baby for 7. I met him when he was in med school, and we got married during his residency. He finished his fellowship in June and we moved for the third time, this time from the midwest to west coast so he could start his first job. I always put him and his career first believing and trusting in him when he told me that once we got here it would be my turn to focus on myself and my career. He never had any friends but right at the end of the year something went "off" and my radar went up. He went out to say goodbye to coworkers 4 different times, and never invited me. In the four years we were in Chicago, he never went out with friends and if he had to go to work related function I had to be there. I let it go because we were moving so far away and shrugged it off to a flirtation. We moved and spent 2 months off together and at the end of the summer he went to FL for conference/test prep. During that weekend my radar went off again but i was quickly distracted when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to tell him over the phone so those few days were torture keeping this secret. When he got home I told him and he was completely stoic. I just thought he was in shock. But the next morning he started in on how unhappy he was and had been for years and how that he shouldn't have moved me out here etc... I was floored. He agreed to counseling and I told him that he needed to find the counselor. Several weeks went by and he did nothing and everything felt so different. Then a few days after my b-day I found his online phone acct which listed his phone calls and txt msgs. 30pgs of one number. 3-5hr phone calls, 28 msgs back and forth in a day and so on. I knew instantly who it was but considering how much time he spent on the phone I never once heard him talk to her or about her. I looked at the records and discovered that they spoke at 3:am on Fri morning after he reached FL and then the next msg was at 2 am the following monday- why- well I looked into airline flights and found the Chicago to FL flights that fit this time frame. I was a PI for a time and had many resources.

He was sleeping with this woman in FL while I was home with finally pregnant with our first child. I confronted him, and at first he said he would give her up but said they were only friends. Then changed his mind and said he wouldn't give her etc.. Long story short- My husband got caught red handed and the best he could come up with was that AT&T was wrong about the phone bill- then it took over 2 months before he came up with "I needed to talk to her about Journal Articles and Abstracts that we are trying to have published"- OK that explains the 2 am text msgs right and the five hour phone calls none of which occurred in front of me?

But like the other women and men- it is the lying that hurts the most. I think I might have been able to forgive if he could have been honest. But it is one lie after another now. And they have gotten so big and out of control that there is no way for him to be honest and save face. He has told people that he left me because I am an alcoholic, lazy and have only been with him for the money. Anyone who has ever known a med student/resident/fellow knows there is no money. And it was no different in this case- he got his first paying job and made me the first wife all in the same week. I know I should hate him, and there are moments when I do- but my head and heart are at such odds when it comes to him because I can see the influence of this woman on him, I hear her voice when he speaks, it is like some bizarre puppet show that won't end. It doesn't really matter much I guess, I have asked him to come home and try- I even put aside the other woman and said lets start over- but as I said before he has created such a massivley out of control lie that he will only lose face if he does. And probably her even though according to him they are only friends. I know she didn't take any vows with me but you just don't mess with another persons significant other- its just low.

So every day I pray that when Karma comes around I at least get a front row seat for the show.

...
written by Sadie 2 , 30 December, 2008

I have been married for 7 years and have a 2 year old son. For years I suspected by husband was having an affair or numerous relationships but never had anything to prove it. This was always just a gut feeling but I put it down to trust issues. However, a week ago I started receiving anonymous text messages from some guy claiming to be a secret admirer of mine and that I should leave my jerk of a husband as I deserved better. When I questioned this person via text he sent back few text messages indicating that my husband had an affair with a woman from our circle of friends and that there had been others. But when u try and phone this number there is no answer. I spoke to my husband about it and he obviously denies it and says he feels bad for me that someone is trying to hurt me like this my sending me these messages.

The other thing is that for over 2 years now I have been begging him to go for couples counseling to work on our marriage and he has refused, now suddenly he wants to go or counseling. He says he loves me and wants us to make our marriage work, yet he is cold and distant and I just can't help but wonder if these text messages were true.

I'm so torn at the moment and don't know what to do.

...
written by I want to believe him , 25 January, 2009

Hey there I have been with my husband for 9 years..... here the thing he went on vacation for 2 weeks I ask him to take pictures.... and you know what he bring back pictures of girls and there this one girl that's in the pictures a lot and all over him he say that she an old friend of his but I don't know what to think I want to believe him but I just can't. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT SHOULD I THINK PLZ

...
written by deb 123 , 27 February, 2009

I'm supposed to be getting married soon. We're engaged but haven't planned yet. We have a baby together and another one on the way. We work at the same place but different shifts. A couple months ago this girl came to me and was just talking about her life. She's very friendly and talks a lot. Then she decided to show me a text message she send to my bf it was a happy face that said you make me smile. She shouldn't even have his number. Then throughout the week continues to talk about how she text him this and that. I asked him how she got his number and he said he thought I gave it to her. What the hell why would I give some woman his number? He must have told her I was upset about the situation because she came to me and apologized the next day. I wasn't sure if anything else had happened after that because she's there when he is and usually leaves before I arrive. The other day when he was getting ready for work I woke suddenly and immediately thought to check his text messages. I have no idea why, it was like someone up above wanted me to know something because I haven't been feeling suspicious at all. oh I almost forgot the day before he sent me a message saying I was so worried about you you haven't been answering the phone. I never received any calls so maybe that caused some suspicion. The day I accidentally received that text him and the other woman text back and forth. One of the texts he sent said you are so sexy. I confronted him and he said I'm just flirting I didn't mean anything by it. I told him he was taking it too far. I feel I don't have much evidence but part of me wants to tell him the wedding is off.

...
written by giovanna , 28 February, 2009

I wouldn't believe him, simply put. What was he doing on vacation without you anyway? Good luck with this dear. Be strong.

...
written by Lauren. , 16 April, 2009

Hey guys. Ive just come across this site. All of these stories are awful. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 8 mnths now, at first it was great, laughs, going out, taking random pics & stuff. But, all of a sudden he changed, i confronted him about the way he has been behaving & he says its all in my head & he loves me, wants a future...& all the rest. I think him & his ex (before me) have something going on. I called him the other night, asked him over, he told me he would be 'there in a min', he was just finding his shoes, that was at 1:00 this morning...its now quarter to four in the morning & there is still no sign of him! Cheating or what? Please help. x

...
written by hitty , 10 May, 2009

Same story, slightly different verse. My husband also lies but I can clearly see his discomfort while doing it. He doesn't know yet how much I know, and I am playing it cool until I have hard evidence that can't be denied. I have a hidden GPS tracking device on the car, so it shouldn't be long until I know the truth. He got wise about using computers or cell phones but only after I made the mistake of confronting him without enough evidence to absolutely prove what he is doing. So he lied, and then stopped using those. But he is doing other things that tip me off, so I got the GPS tracking device.

...
written by Torn , 20 May, 2009

My husband and I will be married for 12 years next month. I love him dearly but always had suspicions. About a month ago I got a confessions out of him. He told me about a girl he was with when we were first married,(i might add I was 8 months pregnant at the time)A girl I was warned about from 2 of his close friends after it had occurred ,but what proof did I have? So our marriage continued, with many heated arguments and suspicions almost on a daily basis. But things between us always seemed OK aside from the major undisclosed issue and for the most part I let things lie for the sake of our children and my love for my husband. But as of last month I found out how betrayed I really was and since have putting things together, and wondering how much more of the story there really is and if that was the only story. I know the mind will lead you to believe the worst even if it is not the case but how do you really find out the truth and if you do how do you deal with it? So here I am wondering what my next step in life should be. Should I shut up about it and leave things alone and continue my marriage or should I leave him? I feel this will haunt me forever and I don't want to live like that.
Thanks for listening and all advice will be welcomed.

...
written by Lula , 26 May, 2009

What ever your putting up with, what ever your going through, there will come a day when you just can not take any more and you will walk.
I tried every way to make it work, I did everything I could, even turning a blind eye some times just to avoid the arguments. I took the blame for EVERY thing. Its taken me all this time to understand that he would rather blame me and lie and lose me than be honest.
We have now split, on the odd times he rings me he tells me he loves (loved) me but he can not put up with my shit any more!!!
I now just agree with him, there is no wining, there is only his view point and his lies, nothing i have to say is of any value and it only gets turned around on to me.
But three days ago I walked, its not easy, but that day came when I knew there was no otehr way.
At some point the trigger goes off and you give in and stop fighting it, the pain does not stop, the question why does not go away. But you get peace of mind knowing you have done the right thing.You know your on the road to recover when you can not be bothered to find out where he is or where hes been any more.

...
written by Brita7869 , 30 May, 2009

I have known my bf for 7 years and dated him for 2. First I had a suspicion going on and I admit I checked his phone. What do I find?? Him telling a girl "So are we going to fu**?" and asking to meet up with her. His excuse "OH I was just joking around" Then I have found numerous photos on his computer and porn (which is fine w/me men will be men) What does he say? "Oh when I downloaded music they must have been attached" I found out hes been going yahoo chat and cybering with girls. He tells me "those are old" EVEN when I talked to the girls and they told me it was recent. Finally last night..i found he had been going on girls profiles on yahoo chat. I found his email password..and I admit I went into it. What did I find? drum roll please.......... Him emailing girls pictures of him and of his genitalia. AND he was asking girls on craigslist what their rates were AND he was on adultfriendfinder.com What was his excuse? "Those are old" Magically ALL of technology is out to get him and frame him. I know the emails werent old because he had emails from his college(he just decided to go back) were there and so day and time wise his stuff was accurate. He cannot admit what he did was wrong. Sadly I would be happier if he just would..

...
written by Stupid4alongtime , 09 June, 2009

I've been married for 9 yrs to a man I knew was cheating before I even married him (Found pics of him having sex with a married woman on a blanket I bought him for Christmas), anyway, I found those pictures a day after I found out I was preg with our first child...the lying the cheating..finding condoms that he says are someone elses...the phone calls he erases...my god it never ends. He will never tell me the truth he only gets mad and starts yelling and tries to turn it back on me. I wish I could get out...he makes triple what I make and we have a lot of bills..so much so I can't breath. I have 4 kids now and he has moved us to a state 1000 miles away from my family, then last month his company moves him 700 miles away from us, for who knows how long, he said it could be permanently. I found out he has a "private" phone line...when I called it he answered...now it goes right to voice mail. He is scum..

...
written by This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , 12 June, 2009

This is a long story.

My boyfriend and I are still together and its been about a year and a half. One night (The week after Valentines Day) I was home alone doing some work for a job while he wanted to have "a night out with his friend Dave". I said okay since I know Dave is a great guy and they don't cause trouble. I never had any suspicions or concerns of him cheating in the past. I logged on my computer and had an email from an old friend from high school. She said:
"Hey looks like your boyfriend is posting ads for sex on Craigslist. I didn't do anything with him or have any intentions on it since I realized it was him."
I thought...this is just a spam junk email isn't it! I clicked the link, it wasn't. It was a fully detailed email about how hard he is, how he looks like a model and can "make you squirt". An erotic photo included. I was disgusted! This is MY boyfriend? The one who holds my hair back, the one who gets that spot I can't reach to shave in the shower, the one who buys me dinner every night, the one who I was soon to be engaged to!?
Yes, it was...
I called him up to stop by before he goes out with "Dave". He did. I dragged him into my room and turned the laptop around revealing his ad. He was shocked, and began to cry. All I could keep saying was "Why! Why? WHY!?" I never got a real definite answer. But he did mention how- "I just wanted some sexual attention. I was curious. You made me upset last night and were being a bitch."
So that makes it ok to go find someone to have casual sex with!? *Drumroll please* I actually forgave him two days later. Why? Because I caught him and I know he had no intentions on cheating and never would. I'm an extremely attractive woman But still. I'm insecure, I snoop, I'm jealous, and I have emotions. It didn't end just yet...
I found pictures and videos of my boyfriends *you know what* on his laptop one morning while snooping to make sure he wasn't still posting those ads. About 5 pictures from his Macbook, and a video of im playing with *it*.
I confronted him AGAIN. And asked when it would stop?
He told me this time he "just likes to check his *stuff* out sometimes". So I said ok ok, its a guy thing?

Now, about 5 months later... I constantly worry if he still will do these things. HE considers it NOT CHEATING since he doesn't touch another woman... I'm CONSTANTLY *who are you looking at?* *who are you texting?* *can I borrow your laptop for a bit?* *what took you so long?*
Am I the psycho one? Or am I a victim among a cheater, or soon-to-be-cheater ?

...
written by Simone. , 07 July, 2009

It's almost humorous having a man either continue to lie, or change his story after being presented with evidence. We're just friends?! Oh puhleeez.

What was even more infuriating was the other woman joining in on the act, and trying to tell me I'm paranoid and crazy. She was actually indignant when I confronted her! Unbelievable. I'm sorry, but you DON'T flirt, organize date like situations, or weekends away behind my back and expect me to believe that crap.

Being treated like I have the IQ of an amoeba pisses me off.

...
written by the lies are unbelievable , 13 August, 2009

lies ive heard & denial responses
"im helping her with her son he needs advice" OKKKKKKKK
"shes giving me advice about our son" Eh what advice never heard any funny that
"we are just friends" whyd you talk to her secretly then on your secret mobile and why have you never mentioned her?
"im working away" sorry bank statement says you were in same city as her
best one i laughed out loud
i said if shes just a friend why dont you give her our land line theres no need to sneak about i dont mind you having female friends
REPLY LOL "i did offer her it but she said she didnt want to call the landline in case it upset you " ROFL that one cracked me up

...
written by gru , 23 August, 2009

one a liar ...always a liar.....once a cheater...always a cheater.....you dont NEED to know WHY....it just is what it is...you can love them.( as agape love)...BUT..not be in any kind of a relationship with them...other than a distant friendship...only if their are children....keep it cool when around them...you will get thru this...its NOT you...its a character flaw IN THEM..you see it now....draw the line...dont let them step over it....there will be lies...told about YOU...dont respond...dont react...one step at a time...make a list...stick to it...dont listen to ANYTHING they say..please forgive me...it was only once..it meant nothing....i now realize i love you...etc....love yourself enough to exit this situation....forgive yourself for trusting the wrong person..its ok....remember...GOD MADE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE A HE DOESNT MAKE MISTAKES....NOW GET GOING...YOU HAVE THE MOST WONDERFUL LIFE AHEAD OF YOU..

...
written by why , 03 September, 2009

just found husband's "other" e-mail address - dumb sob left it up on the computer. Found his list of contacts - hundreds of women. Found e-mails of sex stories he's sent to them (hope they're stories and not remembrances of actual times together) - including pics of him masturbating. I caught him in a relationship 3 years ago - it had gone on for 9 months. He apologized, confessed (finally after 6 months of lies). We repaired the marriage and I thought it was stronger than ever. I can't believe he fooled me again. We have been married for 9 years this Nov. We have 2 children - a 4 year old and a 5 MONTH OLD!!! I'm shaking uncontrollably. I just can't believe he would do this to me again. Why me? Why can't I be good enough for him?

...
written by GregL , 10 September, 2009

I found emails from my wife of 12 years to this guy that used to work in the same building as her a few years earlier. They had no reason to still be in contact with each other
I caught them at a lunch date and like the others above she still denies it. According to her I'm the one with issues and I shouldn't have a problem with her sneaking behind my back to meet with other married men as they are "just friends". Yea right! tell that to our child that is going have his heart ripped out by not having both of us around.

...
written by another woman , 12 September, 2009

I ended an affair with a married man and his wife still doesn't know. All he told her was that I started having feelings for him and that I told my husband about it. I love my husband more then anything and feel awful about the whole thing. Wish it never happened. Worst thing I've ever been through in my life. The wife knew I was friends with her husband but that's it. I am just focusing on my life with my husband now and renewing our love. The other guy told me he had cheated before and was still in contact w/ her. Also that there was a gal he slept w/ that was pregnant and he eneded up having to to a DNA test to see if he was the father. All of course, w/out his wife knowing. I wish I could tell the wife, but I don't feel it's my place to do so. I looked up "serial cheater" its pretty interesting. I will never cheat again, I love my husband more then anything.

...
written by rebekah joe , 23 September, 2009

what i want to know is there any damn guys out there who do not cheat!!!!!!!!???????????? I have been married 10 years and my husband does nothing but lie ALL the time. He's very manipulative i have read texts on his phone..........saying, i was thinking about you last night. Call me, i want to ask you something. It's going to suck not getting to talk to you. etc.... I have called the #'s and no answer, ever. Have left messages and no call back??? I guess i know the truth.!! huh? Of course he would say we are just friends. BS! And says things like i deserve my privacy, like when i would talk about his phone and he use to write, just write in general? It was usually always about some woman!! Says he gets along better with women. HELLO! are you gay? I just can't take the lies and of course he will not admit any of it. I caught him when we were separated 7 months with a pic. of another girl in his lap and he was always going to the bar and calling me at 2:00 am so he could get some. lol! It's all the lies that has made me hate him and of course i do not trust him. I have worked so hard for 10 yrs. for everything we have. Yes me..... everything all by myself. He is also sooooooooooooooooooo selfish. And has NOT at all been responsible what so ever. And for sure has not contributed to this marriage or the life we have now which is not much. I am so tired of it!!! HELP!!!

...
written by Trish , 05 October, 2009

Hey, Girls & Guys, it looks like we all have the same sad story (what's wrong with us? Why do we put up with such DRAMA?) I've been married for almost 38 years, the first 20 he used to see how many other women he could have, and keep me too, while I raised the kids. I thought he straightened up then here we go again I find out a couple of years ago he has the hots for someone at church and vice versa, then I tape him in his truck, and while he's trying to convince me that I'm the greatest most wonderful woman and the only woman he's ever loved, he's still talking X Rated BS to women he works with. Well I finally pulled myself up by the bootstraps, and moved out and bought MY own house. Now he can't get enough of ME, he wants to sell the home we lived in for 25 years and move in with me, because I'm just so great to him now (it's not happening!!) Now I just use him when I get ready. The moral of the story is, some people make mistakes and get over them, some cheat and lie their entire life, and as long as a woman will look their way (and they will) they're going to cheat and lie. I've taped conversations, and he still won't admit anything, and I've come to the conclusion he never will. My advice to you all is to put a small voice recorder in their vehicle, and a gps, and don't discuss anything you hear or see until you have all of the facts, because they will not admit it,and we're left feeling like the fools while they're still out playing games. Then LEAVE their 2 timing butts behind. But what I don't get about all of these people, is if they need someone else so bad, Leave us to hell alone!!! Good Luck to you all!! I feel your pain.

...
written by leelee , 16 October, 2009

i was married to my hubby for 23yrs he turned 50 and started acting funny tracked phone records had an affair with a 35 y/o women police officer who was also married. he gave up everything, our two teenage kids are upset but we are all doing fine. we our divorced and the cop got her second divorce and now they are together. how do they sleep at night? how can a women cop cheat with another womens husband, ruthless!she has never had a kid and cant relate to family.

...
written by Kirk's ex , 20 October, 2009

I was dating on/off a guy who presented himself one way but was really another way when in private or stressed. He wanted marriage to I decided to live with him to test our relationship - see if we could have a long term relationship. I was getting suspicious of his online activity, going out of town earlier than necessary for work, attending chatroom parties, bringing sex toys out of town and the last straw was knowing he brought Viagra out of town. When confronted he lied about everything, as cheater do - they are liars and cheaters. The part that really burns me is I paid his rent and utility bills when I moved in as they were about to be turned off - and he never told me prior to me moving in... and I paid his car repair bill of $520 so he could go to work out of town - where I later found out he cheats on me. He bought high heels for himself when he went out of town, brought Viagra and sex toys, and then lies about all of it - saying it was all for me when he got back to our town. Why would he need it away from me? His lies never made any sense and he is a worthless piece of shit who is broke and will never pay me back any of the money he owes me. I hate liars, cheaters and thieves and he is all of these, and more. He's a cross dresser who smokes pot all day long and has no friends or family. Hopefully, he starves himself to death and nobody has to see his ugly face anymore.

...
written by EllaK , 28 October, 2009

Anyone else end up with an STD and still have husband lie that nothing is happening?

One tactic I found that helps "slow" the lies is to list what you know from your "evidence gathering" and state that you know it because you know HIM. Then you don't have to give away any snooping (or the PI that you should hire when you know where and when they will meet). Thus, you still have evidence to pull, but you also have him shaking that you "know him so well" as to know all this.

It's been two months since I found the truth thrown in my face, yet he still lies. Amazing. I am moving out in a month. Period.

The lies are the worst part, as someone said. Sex with someone else is disgusting, especially since I got her disease, but the ongoing lies are what killed any interest in reconciliation, not that he HAS any interest in reconciliation. But I suspect when I get half his pay in child support, he just may change his tune. Too late.

...
written by hayleyh , 02 December, 2009

i too can feel what you all are saying, i dont have the catch him in the act, but gps, voice recorder did that done that and still says they only talk, 300 at christmas spent on toys for her kids, voice recorded him sweet nothing her babe i fixed your car come on down,bad part is he was in my car. I worked 80 hours a week in our business while he got off work and went across town to spend time with her. Bad enough he tells me after 8 months of going in and out of different things she comes to the store to see me he says, for what? to show me that her new baby isnt his? what? i as the wife should not even be having a doubt of a marriage for 25 years, well christian family with a business grandchildren, financially set , should not be dealing with him messing with someone that looks like she fell of from some hay ride at halloween time. Pardon my opinion, but he says i did not do nothing wrong but if you feel it is wrong then i must be wrong. i moved out into one of our rentals 3 months ago and he keeps wanting me to move home.
He will not admit he has a affair but he does say they talked yeah right. fixed her car bought her kids gifts rode her around for a whole month instead of coming and helping his wife. my question is ] if i had did the same thing what would he of done?
we are both 45 been together 25 years and i think i am more hurt than anything else. i trusted him. my trust is gone and my respect for him is gone so what is left?

...
written by stevietowanda , 06 December, 2009

Here's my situation. My wife saw a high school friend about 1 month ago, and they exchanged phone and facebook information. She got drunk one day and sent inappropriate messages to him via the cell phone a couple weeks later. (They didn't see each other, they live 3 hours away.) I've learned how to hack her facebook account (without her knowing, to date), and have not found additional bad behavior. I confronted her on the texts previously mentioned, and she says, "I was stupid."

What concerns me is that she constantly keeps her phone on her since, she rarely leaves it unattended. I've had only 1 opportunity to check on it in the past month, and her call log was on the up&up on that one occasion.

Do you think it was a 1 time mistake vs. or should I be very concerned that she never leaves cell unattended.

...
written by Going through this again and don't know what to do , 09 December, 2009

Ive been with my fiance for 2 1/2 years and just found out that less than a month ago that this woman gave him oral sex. Im so devastated i don't know what to do.. My ex husband and an ex bf after that cheated on me and I thought that I didn't hafta worry about that with my fiance cuz he swore up and down that he'd never do that to me. I was looking through his phone and seen some txts that he was sending to a friends gf saying stuff like ill be having sexual dreams about you and stuff like that. I called him on it and found out from the girl that he sent the texts to that she has no interest in him whatsoever and that shes sorry about the texts she was just joking around and doesn't mean anything cuz when i looked at the messages he was saying most of the sexual stuff she didn't say anything at all sexual. Anyway she told me to watch out for others. I asked her what she meant by that and she told me that he had told her that he let this woman give him oral sex and told her that I dont' turn him on anymore and that I don't do stuff like that to him anymore. Which is completely untrue cuz hes always the one thats tired or whatever and doesn't want to have sex or anything. Well I asked him about the texts and text our bf asking if he knew the girl and that I heard that he might have messed around with this woman. Well he texted my fiance about it and my fiance called me the next day and yelled at me for looking through his phone making me feel totally bad, saying that nothings going on between him and her and nothing ever did and that it hurts that im accusing him of cheating and basically made me look like it was my fault. I want to start trusting him again but what do I do. The cheating is not as bad as him lieing to me about it. I told him that if something were to ever happen to just tell me the truth cuz I won't leave as long as hes willing to work things out. He never did tell me why he was texting like that. Later that day I went with him to get a light bulb for our truck light and he gave me a hug saying "I still love you and that I have nothing to worry about and that he doesn't want me to talk about it anymore" I want to still know why he was texting like that but im afraid that if i say anything he will get mad and ask me why im bringing it up again. My bff says that its just a repeat of my marriage to my ex husband. I just don't understand y he won't admit it. I mean if I dont' turn him on anymore than y is he with me? My friend that told me all this said that she asked him and he said he didn't know. Im thinking part of the reason hes staying with me is cuz I have 3 kids with my ex husband and my fiance is attached to them and hes afraid that ill leave him if i knew. I just want him to tell me the truth. My ex husband cheated on me and was wrong yes but at least he admitted it when I confronted him about it.

...
written by Not a cheater , 10 December, 2009

I'm a guy, and I have never cheated on anyone. However, I have observed quite a bit of cheating. Everyone knows that men and women thing differently, but I've come to my own conclusions.

Firstly, I think if a man and a woman can come together and be truly committed to each other that there is no natural relationship more powerful.

However, I think many men go into marriage because they don't know what else to do. That's what's expected so that's what they do. Also, men like the idea of ownership. They can have variety, but they'll kill someone or even their own wives over cheating.

Once a woman is married she changes. It's a totally natural change, but it also will lead the immature man into cheating. Many women are no longer spontaneous and care free after that wedding date. They think of higher things. And don't let her have kids. It's a very bad thing for a man to refer to his wife as the mother of his kids because he probably no longer thinks of her as his lover. The things that typically make a woman a good wife and life partner typically leads immature/non-committed guys to cheat. It's not the wife's fault. Some guys have an image in their minds of what a marriage is, and the wife thinks of a marriage as building a life with someone. The problem with an image is that sometimes there is no content behind the image. Men have ego's and somehow you have to make them feel more important than everything, kids etc. Sometime being a wife is like the girl who gave her virginity to the boy next door, but now he won't have anything else to do with her because she is no longer a virgin.

Unfortunately, it very easy to have an extra-marital affair because the second relationship is maintenance free. The cheater basically does not have to really attend to the needs of the person they are cheating with. If the person they are cheating with made the same demands as the spouse, it would be nearly impossible to cheat. The cheater can cheat because the cheatee will take whatever they can get without demands of exclusivity. The may want exclusivity, but they are willing to settle. Interesting enough some women get men to leave their wives to be later cheated on themselves. It seems they should have seen that coming! Cheaters only think of themselves. They only think about not getting caught. A committed person is committed in private as well as in public. I never fear my significant other checking my phone or reading my email.

In this day and age porn has a big influence over guys. Technology has mad it so that people do porn privately. They no longer have to go to shady place where they can possibly seen. Guy see all of these hot girls doing any and everything. Once that image is there he thinks that it is real and never realizes that those girls are getting paid to do everything. However, it has been said that every man desires for his wife to be a virgin in public and a whore in the bedroom. If your guy spends a lot of time in porn, there usually is something that he fantasizes about that his wife won't do. I'm not suggesting that a wife should necessary fulfill all of her husband's fantasies because some fantasies are just plain sick!

The reason that man guys stick to the lie is because he knows that man women really want to believe that their guy is not cheating. To find out that your guy is really cheating is to say that your life is based on a lie. No one wants there reality to be different from what they thought it was. A guy will repeat the lie so much that the woman will eventually think that she's going loony. I will never advice anyone to get a divorce unless they are being physically abused. However, if you don't have the truth you don't have anything. Like I said above, our reality is based on what we consider to be the truth. True reconciliation and restoration cannot happen until the truth comes out and the offending party freely admits to the truth and agrees not to do it again. Even if a person admits to the truth and restoration is actually achieve, trust comes with time. The offender needs to go a significant amount of time without cheating, and he/she should allow open access to their schedule and electronic devices to help the spouse rebuild trust. If the person cannot admit to the truth, walk away from them because without know the truth, you don't know what your reality is.

Just a few observations. I hope this helps someone. I heart goes out to all of you struggling with cheaters.

...
written by EllaK , 14 December, 2009

Well, now hubs wants to work it out, or try to? Won't tell me about the affair, but knows I know for certain. Won't apologize. Won't tell me it's over even but thinks everything can be swept under the rug, I guess. To me, the lack of admission is just a hint that this will happen again.

I do love him. I do want to be a family. But I don't see how that is possible if he won't admit and apologize. Not to mention, I await my 6 month HIV test. Lucky me.

Seriously, do these folks who cheat never think about the life threatening risk that is these days?

...
written by Going through this again and don't know what to do , 22 December, 2009

I agree with you on that Ella. It just seems that these cheaters don't really think about the risk they are taking when they cheat with someone that may or may not have an STD. I hope everything turns out for you ella. I know im on edge too hoeing that I dont' have anything. My fiance still won't admit what he did. I dont' know if he ever will but im sure the truth will come out. Hes been sick for about 2 wks now. I have karma on my side as im sure some or all of you who have been cheated on do to. My ex husband cheated on me and after he left me his life went downhill from there. He doesn't have a job, lives with his gf's mother, is on oxygen and is in poor health. So karma works her magic to those who do us wrong. Im not saying that im glad that my ex husband is in poor health or that my fiance has been sick but hey, when you do wrong, you get punished. My fiance hasn't been acting weird or anything since I called him on txting another woman sexual stuff. I look at his phone when hes not around yet and haven't seen any contact with the woman that gave him oral sex or any other woman I dont' know. Hes not even txting sexual to the woman who is now my friend. Things are going good for now. Have the woman's phone number that gave him oral sex and im not sure what to do with it. Want to call her and ask her why but don't want it to get back to me. My fiance doesn't have any sisters and im just not sure how to go about it without it getting back to me. Any suggestions?

...
written by ellak , 27 December, 2009

Hi:

There's no way to ask her and not have it come back on you, or that's my opinion. Things I didn't even do came back on me. She was found out at work and coworkers said that I yes me had pictures of them. Ya right. As if...she talked about her affair, so of course someone said something. She took trips with hubs, so pics exist, so I'll guess someone just had some fun with her, which bit me hard. Hang on to your evidence, don't let on or he'll get better at hiding stuff, and wait to see what you really want to do.

I have learned that quiet and kind do wonders if you want to reconcile. Or read Dobson's _Tough Love_ and be done with him. It was when I accepted the end of my marriage that he started coming around and "courting" me with gifts and thoughtfulness.

For me, reconciling is what we are trying to do (shocking to me at this point to be truthful) because we have two young children. I will not stay with him if he won't be honest and tell me the truth, the WHOLE truth, and I have learned this isn't the first time So I will try because of my kids but won't stay for them. That's a terrible burden to put on them and a real sell out for me.

If you aren't married and he's doing this, run for the hills, imo. I now look back and see signs from before we were married, but then I see signs of everything now. So not sure how real some stuff is since I'm rather paranoid. But I wish I'd honored my instincts and ditched the wedding.

We are currently gliding through the holidays and then I will pull out the heavy questions and demands for truth or I'm done. I love him so much, we are married, we have kids, we have years of history, but I will not live this way: wondering where he is and who he's inside anymore. For now, this recent one is "gone" whatever that means.

If my hubs comes around and grows up, maybe we have a chance. I am turning this one over to God (faith is important to me) and trusting His guidance. For now, He wants me to sit quietly and watch/wait for what happens within hubs, whether he decides to be a man or continue to be a scumball.

Anyway, I'm sorry about what you are dealing with...everyone. And I pray you find answers. I agree...sisters would help (none here either).

...
written by Going through this again and don't know what to do , 28 December, 2009

Well my 3 yr old was playing with my fiance's phone last night.. started pushing buttons and when I grabbed the phone from her i seen a txt from a person who said "I wanted to tell you that I love you and miss you very much" Well I seen the number that txt him that. I called my best friend and she said I should confront him about it. Well I did and at first he says I dont' hafta tell you shit! Then he goes to leave and I say well you shouldn't leave your phone where the 3 yr old can get at and hes like well who was it that sent me that txt and im like its was just a number and he made this big lie up about how his phone's visibility picks up txts that other ppl send to each other in the area. Well I txted this person and asked what was going on between them and she at first trys to tell me that she doesn't know him then basically gives me a run around about stuff then finally admits that they did do stuff together and the last time was months ago. I was txting the one that he used to talk sexual too about it and she says that its the one that gave him oral sex. Well that really ticked me off so now hes like I need time to think cuz im tired of being accused of cheating and blah, blah, blah... She even txted him and told him that I had been txting her... she says shes not scared but yet shes txting him and whining to him about me txting her... Well here I go again...

...
written by Woman Scorned , 03 January, 2010

I have been with my husband for 18 years since we were both freshmen in college. We started our relationship as teenagers and had a hard time developing it into an adult relationship. But we tried our best. We have four beautiful little boys and we were excited to spend the rest of our lives together raising our family as best as we could. Evidently, he changed his mind. He has a friend at work that he insists is only a friend, but there is evidence that they have been meeting each other after work for drinks. He has never told me about this. When he told me 2 months ago that he was unhappy and thought we might be happier apart, this was the same time that she told her husband to get out of the house because she wanted a divorce. Of course, I didn't know this at the time and worked so hard to try and fix our marital problems. But, I guess he couldn't stop seeing her because I eventually found them talking in her car when he insisted he was out buying Christmas presents for me. Jerk. I kicked him out of the house and I no longer speak to him. I have recently found out that he has been meeting her for drinks for a couple of years (never told me) and there was an "incident" where a couple of employees were found having sex in their building after hours by a security guard but the names were never reported. I have four boys under the age of 10 and this jerk has been cheating on me for at least 2 years. I trusted him completely and never questioned when he told me he was working late because he is an attorney and that is a normal practice. I continue to be shocked by how he took advantage of my trust and want to kick his a## whenever I see him. I don't want him in my life anymore and I hope karma comes around to bite him in the crotch. Ladies-I NEVER thought my husband was capable of this. I laughed at women on Oprah who said they didn't think their husbands were capable of cheating. I was so sure my guy was so good and such a family man. He would never cheat. Bullcrap. They are all men and have fidelity issues. If you found one that can voice his concerns before he strays, good for you. Keep him happy. Otherwise, hire a private detective and catch his cheating ass before he ruins any more of your life. You deserve better and I hope you take him for all he is worth. That is certainly my plan. Women - do not sit back and take it like you always have. You have more worth than that. Stand up for yourself and make him respect you. It is not too late. You can do whatever you want and life is not over for you if you leave him. I am a stay-at-home mom with no income depending on a fricking attorney for my support. F him. Take him for all he is worth and move on. Do what you always wanted to do and don't look back. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Good luck and I hope your life is what you always dreamed it would be.

...
written by ellak , 04 January, 2010

Well, all the nice seems to have been a lie Found a receipt for her Christmas gift (for certain). Feel like a moron for believing him when he said (I asked) if it was over. "Promise?" I asked. "Yes."

What does he want? 1. to time the divorce somehow? 2. to have both of us? 3. to just screw up my head?

...
written by Still Trying to catch the Pig oh wait (COP) , 08 January, 2010

I was looking online to see ways to catch my husband cheating on me. I have no trust in him and have not caught him just yet. I met him on an online chat room in Yahoo Uk site. something he said to me caught my eye dont remember what it was. I ended up giving my phone number after a few weeks of talking to him. Oh how I fell for him he told me what I wanted to hear. He lived in Northern Ireland and I lived in USA. So a bit of distance between us. Well we ended up talking he told me he loved me. I went to Northern Ireland to meet him and fell for him even more. He ended up asking me to Merry him and gave me a ring when I was over for the fist meet. I said yes. That was in oct 2008 He ended up coming to meet my family and my kids for thanksgiving and went back home he made a great impression on my family they loved him. We were away for christmas was lonely with out him but we ended up getting a visa and he wanted me to come live in Northern Ireland moved me and kids here and it was great well my laptop was not working so dug his out and noticed weird things on it. He was talking to other woman and saying the same stuff to them as me and we were married 1 month then OMG I was upset just moved to a different country gave up my live and everything for him. I confronted him about it and He said it was the past to get over it more or less. Our relationship has been nothing but non trusting
We were drinking one night he struck me a few times and it started into hitting me more. Well I finally got fed up with it and left him went back to Usa. Well he talked me into coming home said he was sorry well I came home found he been talking to woman once again OMG 1 time shame on me for being so stupid 2nd time OMFG what am I doing with this man. There will not be a 3ed time. He is a Northern Ireland cop and work odd hours already and it seems like he works a heck of a lot of hours friday night even know hes been there since 6 am. and working saturdays. He is a very controlling man and needs to be in charge of everything. I dont know if that comes with just being a cop or what. I just want to catch him and just go home .Any suggestions to catch him with no money..???

...
written by Mike2010 , 14 January, 2010

It’s a bit strange for me to post here for two reasons:

1. It was I who betrayed the trust of the one person I love the most
2. I’m a gay man. I haven’t seen a same-sex story posted.

A year ago, my bf and I were having problems. We were both busy. He thought I wasn’t fulfilling my obligations around the house. I thought he wasn’t providing emotional support. He seemed detached, judgmental, and was not providing validation. I made the mistake of feeling unable to communicate with him. On a trip, I met someone. I was feeling vulnerable. This guy seemed vulnerable too. He gave me this story… I believed him. I wanted a friendship… an emotional connection with someone. To make a long story short, what happened were two things I told myself I’d never do: a one-night-stand and infidelity. Now, I cannot fathom now the thinking process that led to all this. It’s too painful. I betrayed myself, my own morality, and my man. Regardless of people’s flaws in a relationship, no one should be subjected to infidelity. What’s’ worse, as predicted by all your stories, I lied about it—even after he said he had proof. Beyond the infidelity, the lies further destroy the trust from which relationships are built upon. It shattered his trust in me. I fractured the relationship. Much pain and drama ensued. My boyfriend stuck around. And it took heart-wrenching months to rebuild a trust. After all is said and done, the loss of trust is the real victim. I wouldn’t want to live with someone whose friendships, trips, phone calls, texts, and emails raised suspicions. The quality of our relationship changed of course. But we remained together. And I shall be forever thankful that he managed to see beyond the mistakes and see how much I love him and how special our relationship was. 2009 was a tough year.

And I realized that not repeating a mistake and forgiving did not address the issues that preceded those awful times and that contributed to them. And if the issues are not dealt with, you will carry them wherever you go and whom ever you’re with. Running away within or from a relationship to be with someone else only perpetuates the problems that exist now.

It all comes down to this: Communication, transparency, honesty!!!

It is so important, so crucial to a long lasting relationship that honesty be present and encouraged from the onset. Nobody is perfect; we all have our flaws and our insecurities. I think it is paramount that you disclose to your prospective life partner what these flaws and insecurities are. It might not make you look as strong, as confident and as attractive overall, but it sure beats looking like a lying SOB. And for the other partner, don’t be as judgmental; try to understand that he or she is trying to tell you something. Needs and flaws can be worked within the framework of a relationship before any wrong steps are made.

Whether straight or gay, man or woman, young or old, love is a two-way need. Cherish it. Don’t take it for granted. I’ve paid with much grief for not taking this advice.

...
written by going through this again and don't know what to do , 14 January, 2010

Well fiance and I got into an argument today. He says he wants to postpone the wedding by 6 months to a year! WTF! I don't understand. He's NOT the same man I fell in love with at all. He says that I need to change things about myself and act a certain way. He acts like he's a big shot all the time and he needs to change some things. 3 of my friends say I should dump him and get it over with. I love him too much to do that. I just wish I knew what the underlying issue is. Why he's acting like this? Its like he's fine for awhile then about a wk or 2 later he gets all upset and we argue about something. He says he's not ready to get married now and i don't know if I want to marry him anymore. I'm just so tired of trying to work things out. It seems like he's the one who starts the arguments but yet I'm the one that has to change things?! Yeah right!!! Any suggestions would be helpful because I don't know how to get him to understand and COMMUNICATE. That's another issue, we don't communicate that much and I'm starting to think that hes making excuses now. My dad thinks I should give him the ring back maybe that would shake him up a bit. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. Waiting for him to call me and talk things out once again.

...
written by Strength from within , 23 January, 2010

I thought I would never be a victim of infidelity, but I am. For all of you women/men out there that make the choice to get "friendly" in any fashion with a married man/woman you have “consciously” made a very bad and ruthless decision. I firmly believe in karma: therefore you will live your life alone and if you ever get involved with someone that is not attached, then I pray that this person does onto you what you have done onto others. The pain is more painful than the death of a family member, it changes your life forever! Men have and will always be vulnerable, women are emotional, and then you add the fact that one of the people involved in this "friendship" is married, it’s only a disaster waiting to happen. For all the victims of a cheating spouse, if you thinks its happening then it is, purchase a GPS tracking devise, hide it in their car and you will certainly find all the info you needed. If you do not have money to purchase this devise, then follow them, you will find the truth. I tracked my husband on and off for three years and then when I had enough proof I confronted him and the truth came out. 23 years together (10 married), what god has brought together let no man or woman separate!

...
written by needing some understanding , 24 January, 2010

I hope this will help me!! My husband and I are both in the military. About a year and half ago my husband left to spend a year in Afghanistan. To make a long story a little shorter he started an affair with a woman. I found out the day after my birthday (my birthday is in Aug) and a week before he was to return home. I found out by looking for an email in his account. I usually don't go into his email account but I needed the email and I couldn't contact him at the time. So, I went in his email account and there it was!! They made plans to met each other when he touched down in the US. Because I am also in the military I was unable to meet him when he first touched down. She had left the area before he did. They had it mapped out. He told his friends that a lady friend would be coming to visit him. He said he would not be able to hang out with them until she left because they needed to get some much need alone time. In his words "they were going to spend the whole day in the hotel room"(By the way she too is married)I waited a whole 4 days before sending a mass email to him and his friends that his "wife now knows of the plans and he may stay where he was and that he wasn't welcomed at home anymore!!" I wish I could say that was the end but is wasn't.. the emails and phone calls came and I took him back!!! I took emergency leave from work to see him ASAP to insure he understood where I stood and how i felt. after the talk I asked him to stop seeing her and end all communication...In my words "stop talking to her right now!! don't say a word. she should wonder if you fell off the face of the earth!!" Well about 2 weeks ago I found out that they were talking again.... I am so mad but I don't know what I want to do.. he says all the right things.. he is so good with his mouth!! What hurts the most is this time I found emails from him to her saying "how much he miss's her, how much she is on his mind, and that he LOVES HER!!!" LOVES HER, LOVES HER.. (one of the emails was dated 2 day before our annvir...) that is all i can see... LOVES HER.... who is he lieing to me or her? do I care! HELP ME!

I have turn off his phone, i log onto his email accounts that he knows I know about and the ones he doesn't.. I don't even know what I am looking for?? Is it the way out? Or a way to stay?

...
written by going through this again and don't know what to do , 24 January, 2010

Well my fiance and I are still together. And I thought things were going good, no worries, no problems. Until last night when again I looked through his phone(I can't resist) I seen that the woman that says she had oral sex with him was texting him, AGAIN! I dont' know what to do about this woman. But the kicker is and im going through the same situation as you are needing some understanding because I seen a text that she sent him that said " Just wanted to tell you that Im thinking about you and that I love you very much" didn't see any response back from him to her on that but there was one before from her that said " text me when you can I love you" and I seen the response from him that said " I will love u 2" LOVE U 2, LOVE U 2???!!!! Im thinking the same thing as you are needing some understanding. Is he lieing to me or her? Plus today I was looking at his phone to see who hes been calling and whos been calling him, I seen someone had called him from his house phone!!! Who would be calling from his house? Don't know but im not too happy. I don't want to confront him yet thou because when I get enough money im getting the cell phone spy thing because I can very rarely check his phone and half the time when I do get a chance he has erased most of the evidence. Hopefully the truth will come out soon. And someone said that they believe in karma, i do to.

...
written by turned out to be the side joint , 17 February, 2010

I had been dating this man off and on for the past 3 years. I loved him so much! We had a rocky relationship but the one thing I felt I could always depend on was him being honest because we had made an agreement when we first met that we would always be honest even if it hurts the other person. And he did that! When we got mad with each other and stopped talking for a few days, he would always come to me and tell me what he had done in that time, which always consisted of sleeping with someone else, but I respected him because he was honest with me about it. Well, one of those times he ends up getting this girl pregnant. He tells me and naturally I am upset because we're a year and a half in and I never expected it. Well I sever all ties with him for a few months and then he starts calling and texting again claiming that he loves me and that he wants to be with me and work things out (he did this about 4 times after I found out she was pregnant), even though he decided that he is going to allow her to move in with him for the "baby". Each time I relent and allow him to come back because I loved and missed him to. So last week he does the same thing and he comes over and brings the baby who is 10 months old. I ask him yet again (for the 50th time) "what's going on with you and her" and he replies, "we not together, we living together for the baby, I'm doing what I gotta do and she doing what she gotta do!" Well I conducted my version of an investigation and I found out that he was MARRIED! That he had up and married the girl, and has been married for a year and never breathed a word of it to me! Well I confronted him, changed my number and took his out of my phone. I also told the girl/wife because I wanted her to know he's scum! He of course lied like the dog he is when she confronted him and she was confused and didn't know who to believe because they've encountered similar situations before since they'd been married (even bigger dog)I told her I understood if she didn't believe me but to be mindful to stay 2 steps ahead of him in the future! I agree with the ladies above! If you find out that your man is cheating GET OUT, NEVER LOOK BACK! ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER! And when they realize that you let them slide, they are just going to do it again! I believe there are good men out there but you have to really dig for them!

...
written by CDean , 18 February, 2010

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. When we first started dating I heard from many people in the office that he is a big time player and he has had several relationships within the office. I decided to form my own opinion of him so I gave him a shot. When he asked me to be his "girlfriend" everyone was shocked because apparently he doesn't do "committed relationships" as I was told. Anyways Things were great for a few months until he broke up with me right around the 2 month mark. It has been rumored that he "test runs" a girl for two months and then gets rid of them and moves on to new and fresh meat. So right then and there my trust for him started to disintegrate. Needless to say however, We got back together several weeks later but I always felt as though he could very easily walk out again. Now 11 months of being together things have been good but when I went away on vacation with my family I came back to non stop questioning regarding pictures, texts and the works. I have never and would never cheat on ANYONE. And none of my pictures or texts contained anything worth being jealous over. But he was making it as though he suspected I was hiding something. His suspicions however just made me think he might be guilty and trying to blame me for something he himself was guilty of. After several discussions we decided to put the past behind us and work on our future. But lately I feel as though he has been very shady. He Tells me he's one place and makes up a whole story to go with it meanwhile I saw him with his friend at the gym. I can't help but think if you feel the need to lie about not being in the mood to go to work and instead would rather hang out with your friends what else could you possibly be lying about. It's not that big of a deal and it's not like I'd be mad at him for going out with his friends. But another time We were laying in bed one day and his phone rang and he answered it. The conversation was short and pretty much all of what he said revolved around him explaining to the person on the other line that he would call them back in half an hour. Then he got up to "shower" he took his cell phone with him turned the water on but unbeknownst to him i heard him talking over the running water. It made the whole situation VERY shady as though he were hiding a lot from me. I Confronted him saying I know he lied and i dont care what the lie was about. He swore up and down left and right that he did not lie and has never lied to me and that I should check the integrity of my sources before I start blaming him for things meanwhile I saw him with my own two eyes. Now lately he's always going out to lunch with his cousins or male friends and just tonight he's having a "man night". He, in the year that I have known him, has NEVER had a mans night and I've always been invited over to his friends house to play video games with all of his friends. His reason is because he doesnt hang out with his friends enough but meanwhile EVERY day he's telling me he's out to lunch with them. And now I just feel like he's hiding something from me and it's bad enough as it is because I do not trust him for beans and he is aware of my trust issues but he is doing nothing to reassure me of our relationship instead he is only becoming more and more shady as days go by. I don't know what to do. I do not want to lose him as a part of my life but I don't want to be played for a fool. I Don't have any hard evidence of him doing anything wrong other then a small lie about going to the gym instead of work. But that's not something to get all mad and worked up about since nearly everyone lies at least once to someone they love about something small and minor. But I just feel as though there's something suspicious in his behaviors and that he has something to hide from me. He has only been behaving like this for the past month or so since I have been home from vacation. It bothers me and I don't know how to handle the situation.

...
written by Phindile , 19 February, 2010

Reading most comments above brought a sense of relief as I realise that what I am going through happens to other people. I have been married for 5 years to the most wonderful husband (as described by others). I must say he was the most wonderful according to my standards until I realised that he was cheating. He took me out on holiday just to leave me in the guest house while he was out with his golf buddies (thank God I had the nerve to leave him and drove back more than 700KM back home leaving him to enjoy with his friends. This incident opened my eyes to the fact that he might be cheating; of which I proved by checking his phone and found that he had three girls that he called daily one after the another. He could n't explain who these girls are other than to throw it back to my face by saying that they are business partners (being a woman I did not challenge further knowing that he just brushes me off). Being from a black culture that a woman does not leave her husband, I stayed to try and make it work. A year later I had a strong feeling that he is cheating, once again being unethical, I checked his phone records. Without searching or even scrolling a lot on his phone, I found that he has more calls and messages from Johan and Johnny. For God's sake he does not have a friend or business partner by the name of Johan or Johnny (clear cut clue). Believe it or not, Johnny and Johan are male names but the voices on the other side of the line are girls' (note: not women's voices but young girls voices). What more of a proof did I need.

Believe it or not;; men know when they are caught, even if you do not give any clues (he became extra caring and very nice). A week later I confronted him and he did not agree nor deny he just said "YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU WANT TO DO". Obviously the blame will be reversed and thrown back to me; as I was told that I am trying to cover up the fact that I signed for my brother's car finance without his knowledge (my deed is very wrong and can not be justified but does not call for extra marital affair). In anyway we both knew that his affairs started long before then.

I cried, packed my clothes but did not leave him (clothes packed back to the closet by the helper). To cut the story short, my not leaving does not mean I am staying, I just need to leave with a clear mind and proper planning of at least four weeks (to find a decent place to stay). I really can't stay after finding out the second time around while I have a 20 months old girl and five months pregnant.

A CHEATER WILL ALWAYS BE A CHEATER! NOT WORTH MY LOVE AND RESPECT. not in these days of AIDS. No reason is good enough for anybody to cheat. If you are not happy with your partner rather break up than to cheat on her or him. If you strongly feel that you man is cheating 100/100 he is cheating.

I refuse to hate men just because most of them cheat, there are a few good men out there and the ladies that have them.... take care and love your man. TRUST HIM FOR AS LONG AS HE DOES NOT GIVE YOU ANY REASON TO DOUBT HIM.

...
written by Moondragon , 22 February, 2010

LADIES!!!
Please take stock in my 20 years of experience!! If they cheat once and you take them back, they will continue to do it!! I found out my husband was having an online affair. I took him back. He had another affair when he was out of town WORKING SO HARD FOR HIS FAMILY. I took him back--begged him to stay even. believed him when he said the affair was all my fault. We had another baby, bought a big house. I thought he had changed his ways for good. NOPE. just uncovered yet another affair that he is laying the blame on me for. this time he moved into the same apartment complex with her. I got wise. I boxed up all his shit and gave it to him. This time I have a good attorney. Get wise my sistas! they lie and cheat because they CAN. and then they tell you it is YOUR FAULT!