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Confronting my wife's lover |
I've been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wife's lover. He's 25+ years my senior, very successful rich even. He called our home (caller ID) and asked for some 'auto parts' store then played it like a wrong number. I know they've been seeing each other for some time he was her boss some ten years ago but when it got deeper I'm unaware.
I want to call his cell this morning and say "this is very awkward for me but do you have a couple minutes. I think we have to clear the air. My wife has been mishandling the truth as of late and I want to help you if I can. I never got angry when I discovered you 2 were friends. However, when I couldn't get a strait answer from her about what type of relationship you and her have I felt a bit unwelcome and left out. I insisted on being told the truth or she was to break off all contact with you till I was informed. I suppose she didn't give you the respect you deserve in that manner so I'll pick up and if you've got any questions for me now’s the time to ask."
Response:
A couple of things to consider: What is your intention? Do you really want to help him as you say you do? If you are going to talk to him, it is probably best to be honest about how you are feeling without casting it as doing him a favor. Most likely, you'll come across as being insincere and manipulative. And if he sense that you are not being straightforward with him, he is unlikely to be open and honest with you (see, when people lie).
And again, what do you hope to accomplish by calling your wife’s lover? Do you want to end the affair? Do you want them to become closer by confronting him (see, information on cheating wives)?
Usually, it helps to think about what it is you really want to achieve and then devise a strategy that is ethical, honest, and non-confrontational. Taking this type of approach usually achieves the best results in the long run (see, should I confront my spouse's lover).
Hope this helps.
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