I just confessed to cheating and want to rebuild trust

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Three months ago I cheated on my girlfriend of 2 years then lied about it. I love her so much and I have no idea what I could have been thinking.

I finally confessed.

She’s still talking to me and she wants to get through this. She has no trust in me whatsoever. Even when she says she’s starting to trust me, it seems to hurt her too much.

What can I do to help? She cannot decide whether or not to give me another chance.

I know I will never do it again. How do we get through this?

Response:

To begin with, partners are much more likely to be forgiving when confessions are sincere and not forced. If you decided to reveal your mistake on your own, then you have a much better chance of saving your relationship because unforced confessions demonstrate a greater sense of remorse for what happened (see, should I tell).

Also keep in mind that your actions betrayed her trust and caused her a lot of pain. And people who have been hurt as such often feel helpless and out of control. So, if you want to help her work through this issue, do things to make her feel more in control and less helpless (see, rebuilding trust).

In other words, she is going to want to understand “why” you cheated on her. And saying that you don’t understand your actions or that you didn’t mean to do it won’t help her regain a sense of control. In fact, saying such things may make her feel more out of control, like it could easily happen again.

So, take the time to examine why you cheated, talk to her about it, and let her help you craft a solution to see that it doesn’t happen again (see, once a cheater).

More often than not, this is easier done with the help of a professional counselor (see, infidelity advice).

Best of luck.

Tags: my infidelity, save relationship,

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wendychaserofmarriedmen.blogspot.com
written by wendyskarma , February 02, 2007

I think trust is overrated now that I've been cheated on. Trust depends on what area, it's a trial and error thing. If trust is broken in an area than I think you now know that is a weak spot and needs a bit more vigilance and less trust? Does that make sense. If she's staying with you I think you should be preoccupied with are you trustworthy rather than whether she trusts you!

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LYING
written by Ayan , February 03, 2007

I am a female that has cheated on my boyfriend twice. The last time happened in June 2006. I did not tell him everything until today. I realize that my lying did not make anything better. I want some type of normalcy in our relationship. I know if the situation was opposite, I would not have been so forgiving. He does not believe a word I say, even to the point of the items needed to make dinner or a snack. Before I went to the grocery store he wanted to see what we actually needed. I told him what we needed but he wanted to see it for himself. I realize that lying destroys relationships. It makes people not trust you. You have to be watched at every moment. I will admit that I have lied at every stage of life. I found it easier to lie during childhood. I knew punishment existed. I knew the severity of it. I just did not want to experience it. I know that my relationship is worth saving. Yes, I have withdrawn and I do not want to communicate. I am not sure what to say. I know this has to STOP. I am ready to do it. I also have communication issues. I know I can write about it better than speaking to my boyfriend. Right now I do not have anything to say.

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My boyfriend from seven years lied and cheated on
written by Soni , February 10, 2007

My boyfriend lied to me and I just found out that he cheated on me several times. I called it quits. He tells me that I am so hurt and that we must stay away from each other for now. He still wants to be with me. I honestly don't feel like going back with him. I never thought he would do such a horrible thing to me since he said he loved me and wanted to marry me.

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cheating bf
written by Still suffering with trust , March 02, 2007

Went home to see his mother so he said.. come to find out he went home to see if he could patch things up with the ex and see what grew from there as well as keep me on the line and get money and what ever he wanted he's only 23 and I'm 33 we are 10yrs apart and he is young.. at the same time he was working it out with the ex he also went to the bar and hooked up with a person that night when he came home from his vacation we had the best (well you know) we have ever had.. when we where done he looked at me and told me what had happened.. we did the normal thing and he said he was sorry and would never do it again.. ya right 3 months latter he did it again on line.. again said he was sorry .. well its has been almost three yrs and so far he has cheated on me 4 times, and I still keep taking him back... I'm in love or something.. we are not as close as we where but there is some love there.. some.. you just have to know what is enough for you and what is right for you what you want nothing is perfect and never will be its what we do with what we get that makes it worth while.. do I trust him hell no but do I love him and want to stay with him hell yes.. its a flip of the coin.. its what you want or what you get.. hope you have the choice...

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