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My husband just continues to cheat |
I found out my current husband was cheating on me during dating. We dated 2 1/2 years and then married. Four months after marriage, I found he cheated with different women (via the internet) all the while he didn't tell me.
He swears he hasn't cheated since marrying.
I am seeing a lawyer tomorrow because it's been 3 yrs and 4 counselors later since I found out about his cheating and I can't get past it.
Do you think I am making a wise decision to call it quits? Do you find that more people can get past the cheating if it is a one-time instance? Or it is more likely to work if the cheater comes clean himself as opposed to "being caught"?
Thanks
Response:
It can be very difficult for couples to work past a partner’s infidelity.
If you’ve tried counseling and can’t move beyond what happened, than perhaps other solutions should be considered.
But, before you contact an attorney, it might help to keep this in mind: How is your relationship other than what happened? Are there other problems or is this the main one? Are you relatively happy, despite what happened (see, is my relationship worth saving)?
Keep in mind that everyone is driven by their self-interest. Divorce attorneys making a living by helping couples come apart. So, talking to a divorce attorney will most likely make it more difficult for you to reconcile, which it sounds like part of you wants to do.
Also, sometimes individual counseling can be helpful, when couples counseling has not worked. It is not uncommon for people to focus on trying to change or punish a partner during couples counseling rather than dealing with one’s own feelings. So, if you haven’t tried individual counseling, it be worth a try.
Finally, on- time cheating is easier to forgive, and fix, than chronic cheating (see, once a cheater). And the method of discovery is also important when it comes to forgiveness. It can be especially difficult to forgive a spouse for infidelity when he or she was not the one to disclose what happened (see, will a partner find out).
We wish you the best of luck.
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