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My boyfriend is lying to me about smoking pot |
I have just found out my boyfriend has been smoking pot behind my back, I have recently come out of a relationship with a drug user and I vowed never to do it again. I love my new boyfriend very much and want to stay with him. I have confronted him about it and he said he only does it occasionally although I know this is a lie.
Response:
As a general principle, lovers lie about issues that are personally important to themselves, but, issues that their partners disapprove of.
So, if you disapprove of your boyfriend smoking pot, and smoking pot is important to him, he is going to continue to lie about this issue (see, expectations and lying).
As it turns out, many couples hide issues of substance abuse from their partners (i.e., smoking, alcohol, drug use, etc). In fact, many of the topics that lovers lie about fit this general principle: Talking to an ex, online chatting, use of pornography, and so on (see, what lovers lie about).
Moreover, if this issue is important to your boyfriend – important enough for him to lie to you about it – odds are that he is not going to want to change his behavior. And in all likelihood, if you pester him about this issue, your boyfriend will get better at hiding it from you (see, react calmly).
A more effective use of your time might be to ask yourself if really want to go through this experience again?
And while you say that you love your boyfriend and don’t want to leave him, one of the nice things about love is that it's resilient. If you breakup with your boyfriend over this issue, you will suffer loss, but eventually you will fall in love with someone else (see, romantic attachments).
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This same exact thing happened to me.
It sucks.