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My jealousy is pushing my husband away |
I've been married for three years and we just had our second child together and I have a child from someone else that he raises as his own. I've been overly jealous and I know it's for no reason but I've already made matters worse by trying to make him jealous (before I found your website) and now he's withdrawn, which doesn't help out.
We used to work together and we always enjoyed it but I had to quit when he go promoted so now I stay home with the children. I am jealous of any time he doesn't spend with me which has caused me to be insecure and suspicious.
It's gotten to the point that he doesn't want to be around me because I'm always trying to corner him with absurd questions. This has been going on for almost six months shortly after I had our last child and now we've been arguing for the past month.
I talked to him about it today and he said I'm going to have to get over it because he can't put up with it any longer.
He's beyond the point where he can be reassuring. My apologies mean nothing anymore because I keep apologizing for the same thing.
He suggested that I go stay with a friend and I don't know if that would be beneficial or not. I'm afraid he won't miss me because right now I wouldn't even want to be around me.
Should I go or should I stay?
Response:
Relationships work best when they are fun and rewarding rather than full of tension. In fact, relationships work best when couples maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions (see, Gottman). For every negative interaction you have, five positive interactions are needed to set things right.
Being chronically jealous makes it difficult, if not impossible, to interact in a positive and supportive manner. If you do not find ways to deal with your jealousy, it can ruin your relationship (see, overcoming jealousy and how to cope with a jealous partner).
Our best advice it to talk to your husband again. This time, however, rather than apologize to him, tell him that you are going to counseling and that you would like his support as you work through this issue (see, effective apology).
Moving out of the house is probably not going to solve the problem. Try to see if you and your husband can approach this problem together as a team (see, healthy relationships).
Can you and your husband work together toward the same goal - trying to help you get over your jealousy? This is typically the best way to handle such problems.
Hope this helps.
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