Any success stories about compulsive lying

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I've been in a relationship with a compulsive liar for 4 years. It didn't really dawn on me how bad the lies were until my 11 year old son told me that he couldn't trust anything "Bob" said and that he didn't want me to marry him. This was the day before the wedding!

I went through with the wedding in a state of shock (and drank a lot of champagne!). This was 2 weeks ago.

Since then it has been like the flood gates opened and all the inconsistencies and exagerations over the years have washed over me. I've been blind to most of it because he is so charismatic and charming most of the time and I do believe he really loves me.

I remember thinking (hoping) that it didn't affect anything because the lies weren't really hurting anybody. Now I realize that I can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth anymore. He's also very good at it and covers up well and he has no remorse when he's called on the lies. He just gets defensive and turns it on me so eventually I shut down and give up. He can also be intimidating and scary when he's angry. He has smashed cell phones, thrown chairs, driven recklessly, etc (has never raised a hand to harm me though).

My question is: Does anyone out there have experience with someone who has been "cured" of compulsive lying? Are there any success stories out there?

Response:

Compulsive lying is often linked to an underlying personality disorder (see, compulsive lying). If this is the case with respect to your husband, solving this problem won't be easy.

Does anyone have a success story (or any other insight) they would like to share? Please leave a comment below.

Tags: dating compulsive liar, lying husband,

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written by an , June 25, 2008

Sounds abusive. Watch out!

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written by counselor , June 27, 2008

I've worked with many compulsive liars. I don't know of any true success stories. At best, compulsive liars can learn to avoid situations where they are most likely to lie and they can learn how to mitigate the damage it causes. But lying and the problems it creates will always be an issue in their lives.

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written by Moo , July 01, 2008

I married my Cl a few months ago, knowing exactly what I was getting - a wonderful, warm, caring, and loving man who had a problem. An unusual one, but one I accept with my eyes wide open. He had a horrid childhood, and he lied to protect himself. He wasn't made to lie, it was the way he chose to protect himself. Throughout his life, he has not been able to form the close bonds he desperately needs as his lies have driven people away.
We face the future together with open eyes. I don't regret the choice I made for one second. The lies he has told me in the past have hurt me badly, and I still have my own problems to deal with now because of them. But the 99% of the time when our life is AMAZING, is reward enough for the times when things are hard. No one is perfect. And if you love each other enough you can overcome anything.

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written by dlmac , August 10, 2008

If admitting it is the first step, what can you do to get your partner to admit it? Is intervention by friends and family ever advised?

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written by Eish , August 14, 2008

I know that I am a compulsive liar but never admitted it to anyone up until this moment. I have a very high intelligence level and as much as it has helped me it has also hindered me. I am brilliant at lying because I can see all the variables and form the best believable/provable/suitable lie with the least or no repercussion. I can also structure strings of lies based on research/knowledge which will result in an end goal. I can even lie and put things in place afterwards to corroborate my lie in the future. What also helps me to lies is the fact that I understand human nature and people quite well and I to exploit that ability. I am a combination of a compulsive and pathological liar as I lie about small things as well as more goal oriented lies. I know that I have a problem and been trying to deal with it by myself, but it is hard to stop lying. I have not always been like this though. Its insane, I even lie about things which would not make a difference whether I lie or not. I do it to protect myself, but it?s not always clear what I am protecting myself from.
I have recently come to the conclusion that my girlfriend (on and off for 4 years) has become a compulsive liar. She was not always but I think that our relationship hurt her really badly as well as some issues in her past. So now I am sitting with a dilemma, I know she is a compulsive liar and I catch her quite often by doing research and just knowing people and her nature very. I often have to be underhanded for example checking her cell phone or emails after I suspect she is lying (I have always been right so far). I often have evidence on BLACK & WHITE that she is lying but I cannot confront her with it because then she is going to cut off my access to evidence of her lies. So at this stage she just denies it and I have to accept the fact that I know she lies but can?t rub it in her face.
The strange thing is that she is the only person I never lied to. I consider going through her emails without her knowing as lying, hence I used the past tense. But other than that I do not lie to her. So this puts me in a precarious situation. Her lying has not involved cheating up until this point but I am scared that it might escalate.
I love this woman with all my heart and I treat her like a queen ? you could ask her yourself (that?s actually a really funny line taking the situation into consideration)
I have no idea what to do.

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